Struggling with my mental health definitely had an effect on my previous friendships, but even then I was never a mean or rude person I tried my best to be a good friend or contributing member of the group. But I guess it wasn’t enough… I was always an afterthought, never felt like someone’s first choice, mostly had to make first contact, etc.
Even in the two relationships I was lucky to have for a short time; they were very one sided with me putting in most of the work. I know everyone deals with their own struggles but I feel like I’ve never been lucky enough to find someone willing to put effort into me.
During Covid I fell into isolation and pretty much drifted away from any “friends” I had left. I was honestly find for me since I was tired of maintaining fake appearances for people who obviously had closer friends.
But these past couple of years I’ve done a lot of hard work to try and again to improve my chances. I started focusing more on my schooling, mental health, etc. I’ve honestly made a lot of progress I’m proud of and decided it was time to give my social life a chance again.
I heard people make good friends online through gaming/talking so I decided to give it a try for awhile. But the cycles still repeats… and it feels worst for some reason this time. It seems the people I’ve been lucky to talk to or plays games with cares or is interested but they’ve never the one initiating conversations, questions, etc. I can’t even try and go out an make friends since I live at home currently and don’t have my own car yet.
But at this point I’m ready to give up. Every time I get a slimmer of hope for a connection it never turns out in my favor. Is to damn much to want to be appreciated and care for? I just want someone to put the effort into me I’ve put into others; and I’m not even looking for intimate relationships rn and still not luck. Idk want to do anymore; I can’t anymore. I’ll probably delete this later anyways as why would strangers on the internet care. I’ll just bury my pain in work and being alone.
3 comments
Dude I’m in the same boat. I’m happy to reach out.
maybe just take a break from putting in all the effort. it sucks but it sounds like you need to lower your expectations.
Maybe put in less effort? Try to be content with having casual friends. In the case of gaming friends, be content to just interacting with them only when gaming.
Also adults tend to have more worries on their minds and stuff to do that there is not much time for interacting with friends. My parents interact with their friends a few times a year and both parties are content with it.
Also by putting in a lot of work from the start you kinda give the assumption/expectation that they don’t need to do the work as you will be the one doing it. Like when one constantly initiates first contact, the oter might learn that you always initiate it and thus won’t initiate it themselves. So start slow and let them put in some of the effort too.
I personally don’t know what to talk with other people i either need them to initiate or some event triggering a conversation (like it started raining or somwthing happened in a video game that we are playing). And i don’t ask personal questions unless it’s about a thing that they have volunteered information about as it feels like i’m breaching their privacy.