I [F24] and my boyfriend M[27] have been together for 7 years.
The whole evening have gone to who is this and who is this on Instagram. It’s not the first time. And on several occasions he have made me unfollow guys from work and friends from school.
I feel too old this. I don’t think so much of who follows me and stuff there on general.
Have anyone been in a similar position, and did it ever get better? I know it’s from his insecurities, but I’m starting to get tired of it… what can I do to stop this?
**tl;dr:** my boyfriend closely monitors who I follow on Instagram, and makes me unfollow people I know in real life. Have anyone been in the same situation and did it get better?
10 comments
Why do you think this will “get better” on its own? Like he’ll magically change his mind about thinking that it’s okay to dig through your stuff? That either he’ll either realize on his own to respect your privacy, or that his insecurities will just go away?
If you have a problem with his behavior, address it, honestly and respectfully. You can even use this format to start: “”When you do [action], it makes me feel [emotion]”.
If you can’t have the courage to enforce simple boundaries (like being friends with people from work or school), or even simply request to be treated the way you want to be treated, then there’s a serious power imbalance in your relationship, and I’m worried for you.
No, it gets worse. Especially if you get pregnant and therefore it’s harder to break up.
After 7 years you’re finally getting tired of this?
I wouldn’t have lasted 7 days.
Be honest with yourself here, he absolutely is not going to wake up one day and be secure enough that he will stop this behavior.
So you either put up with it, or you break up. He’s way too insecure to have any middle ground.
Is he your mom?
This behavior gets worse especially when you indulge it.
So he’s insecure and controlling.
Is that your problem, like, do you do that and does it live in your brain? No?
Then these are his problems. He needs to manage his own problems. You tell him clearly, managing his problems by controlling you is not acceptable.
You draw the line. If he can’t respect something as simple as your Facebook friends (who even uses that these days anyways), then you can find someone else who is better. *EASILY.*
Yes, yes you are too old for this shit .
Nope, it’s not going to magically get better. You’ve shown him for 7 years that this behavior is acceptable, or at least tolerable, to you. Why would he change when he knows there are no consequences (like losing you) to his behavior?
What do you mean he “makes you?” Change your password and refuse to unfollow anybody else. Refollow whomever you want.
But you should probably break up with him anyway.
Honestly, this behavior is not okay. You deserve to have the freedom to follow whoever you want on social media without feeling guilty or monitored. Have a serious talk with your boyfriend about how this behavior makes you feel and set boundaries. If he is unwilling to change or respect your boundaries, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.
“Made you” how? Refuse! He gets mad? Sucks for him, not your problem. *That’s* how it gets better. Stop validating his insecurities, tell him to fucking stop it and see a therapist or leave you, but you’re not cutting people off just because he can’t cope with it. Assert yourself.
It will get better when you dump his ass.