It’s like I’m trying to gain their approval back or something, this happens to me in my acquaintance level and up to my deep relationships. It obviously still hurts me but it’s like I keep a lid on it then grow more resentful of them.

3 comments

  1. There is nothing wrong with being nice even if others are rude with you.

    But like you said, if you’re being nice just to get their approval then will be falling into a pit. It will affect your self-esteem over time.

    I know social approval is societal need. But if you work on building your self-esteem (by not being needy and self-improving) your social approval will increase on its own. You will earn respect along with it.

    When someone is rude with you it definitely hurts and if you try to hide your pain and show yourself as being nice then he/she won’t feel like they have hurt you and continue treating you the same way. They should know that you’re hurt so express it with them. (eg: being silent)

    And with deep relationships it’s even more important to express yourself.

  2. Humans are social animals and biologically, getting kicked out of a tribe for most of human history could mean death. It’s a smart evolutionary strategy to try and fix it.

    That’s WHY you do it. Whether you should or not is situational.

  3. It’s called fawning, being overly nice during times of heightened perception of threat.

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