Hello, I’m (F, 25) have recently submerged myself into the circus that is modern dating lol.
Anyway, I ended up exchanging numbers with a dude I matched with on Hinge who is, from what I’ve gathered a very kind person.
Since I’ve been out of the dating arena for a while, I was wondering if you could scope out what a person’s texting habits tell you about a person. I know this seems like a trivial question, but here me out.
I was already told that there is some ‘rules’ that you have to follow when texting a person you are interested in. I was always informed that men who text you back automatically (like within less than five minutes) are walking red-flags.
So, that is what this guy is doing.
Over the past couple of days, we have been texting on and off, but he is usually very quick to respond as where I usually get distracted by other things and wait to text him at a later time. It doesn’t demand my immediate attention, but with him-he texts back very quickly.
He also texts me every morning, wishing me a good morning and will periodically ask what I a doing throughout the day.
I cannot tell if I find this behavior something I enjoy, or something that could indicate someone who needs to be attended to at all times. I’m an extrovert and need people to talk to, so I get it-but I also try not to come on so strong.
Perhaps, I’m making a mountain out of a mole-hill (as I do have anxiety), but I was just wanting to ask to see if this sounded odd or weird to anyone else?
ETA: wow! I’m blown away by the responses I got here. I’m really glad you guys were honest with me so I can re-evaluate my actions and fears I have behind a man who is showing genuine interest in me.
Truth is, I have not dated in like 5+ years and do have an anxiety disorder. Those are not excuses, but may help to explain how my brain went…”omg what?!”
41 comments
Why are quick responses a red flag?
This is wild and makes me so glad that I’m out of the dating ring lol. I would say that purposely playing games or not responding in a timely fashion simply to make yourself seem more “chill” is a bigger red flag than being responsive.
lol no. communication style is not a reflection of morality
Please don’t write him off just for this. We live in an age where most people are able to respond right away if they wanted to. It just means he’s interested in you.
Lord have mercy.. There’s nothing wrong with someone responding in a timely fashion. Now, if he is constantly requesting you stop what you’re doing to respond, yes, ick, red flag.. But consider his job or his availability. Also consider the fact it’s super common for people to be glued to their phones. Some days I am, some days I want to launch it across the room.
This just sounds like someone who is quite interested in. Maybe there is a mismatch in interest if you aren’t as excited but his habits sound fine to me. Actually quite healthy and normal.
>I was wondering if you could scope out what a person’s texting habits tell you about a person.
It’s possible, typically complicated like all relationship stuff.
>I was already told that there is some ‘rules’ that you have to follow when texting a person you are interested in. I was always informed that men who text you back automatically (like within less than five minutes) are walking red-flags.
You need to ask why this is a rule and evaluate whether the reasons for it apply to you and this guy. Maybe it’s a good rule, maybe it’s terrible and your friend likes playing games instead of being a forthright communicator. We can’t really know, but you can find out.
>He also texts me every morning, wishing me a good morning and will periodically ask what I a doing throughout the day.
I think this is cute and shows interest. It reminds me of my favorite news story about telecommunications in India:
https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-internet-is-filling-up-because-indians-are-sending-millions-of-good-morning-texts-1516640068
>I cannot tell if I find this behavior something I enjoy, or something that could indicate someone who needs to be attended to at all times.
Well figure it out! 😛
>Perhaps, I’m making a mountain out of a mole-hill (as I do have anxiety), but I was just wanting to ask to see if this sounded odd or weird to anyone else?
You’ve gotta (1) follow up with your friend that told you the “rule,” (2) evaluate their reasoning for the rule, and (3) determine whether it applies to you now or if it’s just your friends goofy thing.
Well, that’s another one on the list.
That’s number 1,091: Don’t text too fast because it’s a red flag.
sometimes yeah, most times no.
What the actual fuck? Where do people hear this crap, no it doesn’t
I’m (35F) an honest and open person, no games for me. I always have my phone on me and answer when I read the message, even if it’s that I’m busy and will respond later. I text when I think of the person and enjoy a “good morning” message that shows I’m being thought about. I don’t read into texting habits but do find that I also like to feel prioritized in someone’s life when I’m interested in them, so being left on unread frequently/too long does make me stand back and leave the ball in their court.
I personally appreciate this type of thing. Everyone has a different text style/level of texting they like. I don’t think anything is necessarily a red flag, it’s just what works for you.
Quick response I’m my books are not a red flag 🚩 it’s very hard to judge someone by how they text you I would instead go on dates with them and base it off of that. I myself tend to respond quickly but sometimes I don’t it just depends on my availability and I avoid playing any texting games why? Well because I’m 26 I’m too old for that it was cute in high school but I was in high school 10 years ago
People who text back quickly are not red flags. It just means he likes you and wants to talk to you. Why play games?
😐
You wonder why you’re single, god forbid a male respond.
If he doesn’t demand your attention why would there be a problem? I hate the idea that fast responses are a redflag. I have a smartwatch that vibrates when I get a message so I often respond quickly because it takes literally no time to respond to someone
Go out with him and then tell us the answer to your question.
I just got out of a relationship and texting was part of why things got messed up. Misunderstandings and she was busy and didn’t respond quickly at all. The things I figured out were 1. Don’t worry about what you’ve heard or read about texting or phone calls. It comes down to just be yourself and do what’s comfortable for you and communicate, I guarantee they have their ownpreferences. You are over thinking things, just enjoy your connection 😉.
Not a red flag at all. Lots of guys have their phones with them at all times and if he’s responding quickly it just means he likes you.
Nobody is too busy to check their phones. Let’s get that out of the way. You just need to come out and be honest about you not being very interested. Someone texting back in a timely manner isn’t a red flag, it usually means they are enjoying the conversation. In fact the conversations where it would take me a day or two to respond would be the ones that weren’t very engaging. Whoever is giving you this texting advice sounds toxic AF.
If I’m being honest, this actually makes me have more of a negative opinion on you not him. This makes me think you spend way to much time on your phone, so much so that u think texting style says something about a person. My advice would be to put the phone down more
I think him responding quick just means he’s interested
Hey there
Having been in the dating game awhile I can offer my experience (35F) Although your preference may be different. This could depend on both of your attachment styles too.
Honestly I’d be more alarmed by someone who takes days or weeks to text back.
That being said as an extroverted introvert (I need alot of alone time but really enjoy social time occasionally) I’d get annoyed at someone texting me multiple times a day asking what I’m doing. The texts in the morning might be nice in a relationship but to me would be overbearing especially at first. You will probably be completely different in your preferences in that case. It probably means he is into you, possibly anxious attached but I can’t say for sure as I don’t know him. I think you can sort of guage someone by their texting style but at times they may be having stuff going on that keeps them busier or lulls in their life where they are less busy and want to text more. I know I often respond pretty quickly to everyone most of the time, unless im super busy. Early on in dating I do leave people on read occasionally, not international usually I get distracted. In this case just seems like he is about you which is better than the alternative like dating a an avoidant which can be torture if you really like them.
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t gentlemen.
In my eyes, anyone who follows rules or plays games in dating in just inmature. I have lost interest in plenty of women because of that. Now, don’t get me wrong, if you are busy and can not talk, that’s 100% acceptable, but if it is someone who you know that always have their phone at hand and it’s not doing anything of importance and decides to just respond later to seem hard to get. That’s stupid and a waste of time. I respond quickly to family, friends, and lover. If we don’t agree with such basic things, we are not compatible.
I do respond right away in my work and in my personal life…I really dislike slow responders.
Life is very dynamic. Everyone has a phone and it takes a second to respond. If you can’t respond within a reasonable amount of time, you are either not interested or we are not compatible.
For the record, I have a have profile job and I am very busy.
I drop slow responders like a hot potato. Some tell me that were intentionally ignoring my texts in order to be cool. Lol
Most people have their phone on them or within reach most of the time. To me it just means that he replies once he sees your texts and he’s not playing games.
Also, If I were you I would be happy about him texting me good morning every day..
I think some women got to a point that they became so used to men being flaky that they see basic manners as a red flag
In my own experience, I always txt when I can, however I don’t expect the same in return. However if days go by with nothing and then I’m met with ‘sorry was really busy’ then I’m more of the thinking that I’m just not a priority in your life, no person is so busy that they cannot send a simple ‘hi, how’s you?’ Etc.
As for the morning messages etc. I do it as I want the person to know someone had them in their thoughts, I always ask how they are because I genuinely care how they are, I struggled with mental health for a while and realised the importance of someone just asking that question, 9 times out of 10 people will respond ‘I’m good’ but I want to encourage that one time when they maybe just need to talk or get something out.
Anyway that’s my own personal reasons for why I do what I do, I’m sure I will be hit with all sorts of reasons why I’m the monster but I genuinely believe if you like someone and want to be around them and talk with them, then you act accordingly, being all distant and chill just sends the wrong message, people today are too scared to be vulnerable and it’s depressing, in my honest opinion.
I respond quickly whenever I’m not busy at work. I like to read ebooks on my phone so it’s always on hand. Usually the longest wait is for me to finish a paragraph.
…you are 25 just like me. Girl. Please think for yourself for a second. Those “red flags” are stupid made up games. Do you really want a partner where you have to wait 3 business days for each reply…? That would drive me crazy! I hate potential partners that take an eternity to answer. Either show me your interest or leave. It’s absolutely a green flag and the games and “red flags” you’re worried about is toxic heterosexual dating culture.
He’s probably just interested in you and doesn’t know how to text. I’m making parallels because this sounds a lot like what I do.
I usually text back right away however if I have something going on I’m going to give an explanation that “I might not respond right away because I’m busy with (whatever)”.
Good morning text what kind of like a touch base type thing. He’s probably letting you know he’s still interested and the idea is “Hey just to let you know I’m still here please don’t forget about me existing”
If he’s texting you asking what you’re doing throughout the day it’s probably because he wants to have a conversation with you. he probably doesn’t know what the hell to talk about and is hoping that you’ll have something interesting he can play off of or that you can just ramble on about. I don’t usually word it this way. I usually ask “anything interesting happened today?”
I’m actually really hoping for a response because this may help me in my next relationship I’m horrible when it comes to texting I’d rather talk to somebody on the phone or in person. I feel like I’m a horrible texter.
No they don’t.
To me, this just shows he’s into you.
Like most of us, he probably keeps his phone close to his person at all times. He’s certainly happy when you text him so he’ll text back as soon as he sees your texts.
Wishing you a good day/night and asking about your day is a sign of interest. He wants you to know he’s out there and he’s not looking to just be friends.
You should really refrain yourself from over analyzing what he does, enjoy the moment, if you’re interested as well, ask him out and see where it goes from there.
Let’s drop the seduction games and pretenses, the trying to look cool or distant. This is complete BS. Just be genuine human beings, who have feelings and desires, who can show interest in someone else.
Morning texts and checking in throughout the day with someone you haven’t met (or have met actually) is needy and attention seeking behaviour
Honestly, no idea how anyone can see it as a red flag, considering we’re always constantly connected to the internet with our phones by our side…
You can bet your ass that if I’ve got two women messaging me; one taking hours and hours to reply, while the other is getting back (usually) in a matter of minutes, I’m going to prioritise the latter purely because she’s showing interest and putting the effort in.
I would love a guy to text me like this. Also, there are no “rules” of texting. Everyone’s different, everyone has different communication styles. People who treat dating like it’s some game they can win by following weird “rules” aren’t people you should be listening to for advice. If anything, I think it’d be a bigger red flag if he wasn’t texting you.
You are not making any logical sense. Why are quick responses supposed to be a red flag? If you can answer this logically then sure. But I doubt so.
Tbh, you sound like the red flag here.
You are intentionally playing the dating game on hard mode. Are you wanting to be single for the next 15 years?
You’re trying to follow rules as to avoid what??? You sound like the red flag
I didn’t know it was a red flag. I as a woman respond quickly to the guy I’m dating, because i love communicating with him and I am often on my phone. He usually takes anywhere from 5 minutes to 1 hour to respond, depending on what he is doing. We also always send good night and good morning messages. However, we mostly use snapchat so idk if that makes a difference?