Hello all,
I recently started a job search as my current job is very sketchy and my supervisor and I have butt heads. He has skewed data, lied about my performance, and repeatedly insulted me. He has done this despite me being a good performer for the company and extending olive branches to him.
I just interviewed with an old company who I was with briefly a couple years back. While with this company, I thought I did well and most people liked me. During the interview, the 2 hiring managers, who I worked under before, mentioned that while there I had ego issues and displayed arrogance. They claimed my coworkers were off put by this egotistical attitude.
I was a little caught off guard. I still talk to 2 of my former coworkers and we are close friends. The reason why it hurt was because my current boss, also says I have an egotistical attitude. I ignored this because he’s a liar and overall a bad dude. But now I see, as bad as he is, maybe there is some truth to this as I have now received this feedback from multiple people.
The problem is, I have literally no idea what I did to make this perception of me. I always try to be patient, caring, learn from others, teach others, and overall be open. I do have a naturally cynical/sarcastic personality, but I try my best to keep my comments positive and only speak highly of people. Every now and again something will slip out, but I usually correct myself and state 2-3 positive things immediately after I make a smartass comment. I try to keep my voice upbeat and have open body language.
My facial expressions are hard to contain when in a tense situation, I will admit. I do have chronic RBF lol. But I have really worked on not displaying negative emotions and I shake my head in agreement and acknowledge any type of constructive criticism I get.
I want to get better and not have people think this of me. It kind of sucks because I am a very hard worker and try to be as nice as possible, but clearly I am turning people off.
Is there any podcasts, books, actions I can take? I literally don’t know how to fix the problem because I don’t know what I did wrong..?
(I should have asked during the interview what I did to get the perception of me, but I didn’t want to seem defensive during an interview.)
5 comments
I think it would be totally reasonable to email the folks you interviewed with to ask for details and make it clear you are trying to make a change. Just like this post, make it clear you have sincere intentions.
“A great man shows his greatness by how he treats lesser men”
-Thomas Carlyle
Start by saying yes sir and yes ma’am. Don’t argue, ever! If someone needs help, do it with enthusiasm. Notice things others do better than you instead of the other way around. Humility is a superpower!
Do you have copies of any of your annual reviews from your old company that demonstrated that you are “a good performer?” What about customer testimonials or recommendations from former and/or current co-workers?
I don’t know you, of course, but I can say that the people that were on my team that had large egos had very similar traits. I would like to emphasize that I don’t know if you display these or not, but just thought I’d give you my experience. Those with big egos always argued, and tried to prove they were right, no matter what. For example, I had a new employee, less than 6 months in the job, who tried to tell me, someone with 30 years of experience, how they were right,and I was wrong. When I tried to be nice and kindly explain the correct way to do the task, he kept interrupting me. I guess my message is that it seems like you’re willing to work on things, so be careful of your interactions with everyone. We can all learn from one another, even someone who doesn’t really work in the same field.
I hope you continue to improve, and I wish you the best!
I sometimes appear to be the most disagreeable person on the team with whom I work. I have no idea how people came to perceive it that way but I hear it enough in a joking way that I absolutely find hilarious to hear described, if perplexing.
This personality quirk of mine has accompanied me throughout my entire life. And for years, that’s led to lots of job changes throughout a variety of roles and sectors. Most of those job changes were less than pleasant, and sometimes expected, sometimes not.
But if you’re smart and possess some talent — and I have no reason to surmise that you don’t — you will find your fit.
I’ve been with my current employer for 9 years. I’ve focused on performing the most niche but mission-critical requirements no one else even wants to understand and am respected for what I do, even if I’m never invited to lunch or after-work social activities.
Such is life. I learned to be accepting of what life and genetics and personality have handed me. You will too. In the meantime, embrace your idiosyncrasies.
Just make sure you moderate those idiosyncrasies enough to earn a decent standard of living