(19 F) I’m seeking advice about this problem, honestly I didn’t think it was very important until I had my first sexual experience.
So, I came to this subreddit for advice to first times in sex, I saw that there was a whole FAQ about it, I checked it and something that was recommended is preparing yourself with your fingers and toys, but the thought of it makes me completely dry and makes me highly uncomfortable. I have never tried it, but there’s something in the back of my mind that tells me that it will hurt, that I will do something wrong while masturbating and I will end up wounding myself.
I’ve always masturbated pressing my tights together, since even touching my outer lips or clit, turns me off, even if I do foreplay with my nipples, caressing myself, creating a nice environment, until I know I’m wet, however as soon as I directly touch my vagina I can’t continue, it ruins the whole mood.
I don’t know what to do about this, I’m worried that it’ll keep ruining my almost non-existent sex life. Even though the guy (21 M) I tried it for the first time said it was okay, and that he was hoping we could do it again sometime when I’m not so scared.
And it’s not like I don’t have a high libido, I often imagine myself getting penetrated and being a pleasurable experience, just the thought of it gets me going. But as always, I end up masturbating by pressing my thighs.
What can I do to get this fear out of me? It makes me sad.
2 comments
I’ve been there and it sucks! What’s helped me has been putting no pressure on myself and just letting myself explore. It might be helpful if, maybe once you’ve already had an orgasm, you just allow your finger to tease the entrance without any expectation of putting anything inside. Sometimes you may want to try putting it in, sometimes you may just go “nope” and call it quits for that day, but either way just don’t put any guilt or shame or expectation on yourself. I understand the frustration and fear but just keep reminding yourself that it’s okay to take it slow!
Sex can be scary at first, but try to just explore by yourself without the thought of having sex or masturbating, just explore yourself. When that becomes a little less scary (it doesn’t matter how long it takes, this is not a race), you can add lube and slowly start trying different things