For context, my boyfriend is a virgin and this was his first time EVER receiving head.
Him and I have been dating for about a month and a half now. We’re long distance so this was one of the few times he came over. We were in the middle of kissing when he stopped and asked me if I could give him a blowjob.
I said yes, Blowjobs happen to be my specialty and I really enjoy giving my partners pleasure in that way. I move from in his arms down into his lap. He pulls off his sweat pants and I’m shocked by what I see: his penis is small (3-4in). I think I paused for a quick second but I immediately regain myself and get on my knees in between his legs. I’m doing what I can, I have never worked with something like this so I’m not exactly sure if it was my BEST work but it definitely wasn’t my worse. I try to do the hand and the mouth together at once but his member is so small that my hand gets in the way of me doing so properly. My mouth is getting tired so I start to only use my hand and I notice this is when he gets harder (he wasn’t all the way flaccid but definitely not rock hard). I see he’s enjoying it so I keep going but still he doesn’t finish.
(In between then, he tried to get me to ride him but even as we tried that he still wasn’t able to stay/get hard)
We give up doing whatever that was and go on about our day. Just recently on facetime I brought up that I was feeling some type of way about not being able to get him to cum and the fact that he wasn’t hard enough for me to ride him. I feel like a failure and like he’s not attracted to me.. he brings it to my attention that he was close but only when I was using my hand and he doesn’t know why he couldn’t do the other thing for me. Now I’m wondering if he has the death grip thingy or if he’s just not attracted to me at all.
11 comments
I just have to say thanks for sharing that was a really special moment for you two to share together!!! I’m sure he had first time nervous about it and maybe with more time things will get better.
But hey you are the first to go down on him so lucky you!! I’m kinda jealous haha
Just keep trying, as long as you’re both enjoying the experience it isn’t that important if he cums or not.
He’s not as experienced as you are, he’s probably just nervous and maybe a little bit overwhelmed with everything.
This has nothing to do with attraction 🙂
Is he able to cum on his own?
It sounds like he was to overwhelmed and anxious when you were giving him a bj and head. He started getting hard from the hj because it was a familiar sensation.
I think he was probably just nervous, that is actually pretty common, especially during first time. If you get more relaxed and comfortable with each other it could get better. Also some medication might have an effect on it.
He was nervous and when nervous the penis doesn’t work properly. Not your fault at all
So, there’s a stereotype that men are just always eager and excited and we get rock-hard boners at the drop of a hat. Simply put, that isn’t true. As a woman, you know that sex has a mental and emotional component; you need to feel comfortable and relaxed to get in the mood. Well, that’s true of men too. We just don’t talk about it as much. (And it might not have quite as much an effect on us men as it does on you women.)
First times are always filled with discomfort and anxiety. Like, straight up, there you go: complete, and completely reasonable, explanation for why he might not have gotten as hard as you could hope for.
Another fact: he might not be accustomed to what he got. If he’s like most guys, he masturbates, and he’s become very familiar with how his hand feels and how he can best use it on his penis. Well, a mouth isn’t a hand. (Mind-blowing observation, I know. 🤣) Your mouth doesn’t feel like his hand does. And, meaning no disrespect to your technique, you don’t necessarily know the best way to touch him: what exactly to do, and where exactly to do it, to get maximum effect. (Again, this is not a criticism. If this was your first time giving him head, then this was your first opportunity to have learned that information about his penis at all.) It’s completely normal to not do something perfectly on the first try, and neither you nor he should hold it against you.
The last part — and it may be difficult for me to spin this positively, so I apologize in advance — is this:
>I’m shocked by what I see: his penis is small (3-4in). I think I paused for a quick second but I immediately regain myself
Good on you for recovering so quickly, but unfortunately it might not have been enough. As guys, we’re still pretty sensitive towards our partners; we can tell when they’re not into it. To be sure, some of us don’t care. But others of us do. And if your boyfriend cares, then that one moment of hesitation, brief though it may have been and controlled though it may have been, could have had a serious impact.
If you ask me, this is all just a good opportunity to do some teaching and some learning. Sex is ultimately a form of communication: he tells you what he likes, you try to learn it, and you go from there. Your boyfriend got to experience how that works up close and personal. Explain to him that this process of adaptation is normal, and that you promise to work on the process if he does too. Fundamentally, he can dislike you for it or he can like you for it; anything that pulls two people apart can also push them together. He can resent you for needing to learn or he can bond with you over needing to learn. See if you can nudge it in the second direction. =)
Best wishes, and hope this helps!
It could just as easily be performance anxiety. A mental block is just as bad as a physical one and the more he feels pressure to be hard, the less likely he is to have a boner
I used to worry about getting hard which would make me not get hard which would make me more nervous…sometimes guys can get in their own heads.
His dick was flaccid. So 3-4 inches flaccid is pretty good. Wait until you actually get it fully hard and then decide. Plus did you get out a ruler? How can you eyeball size. ? I can’t
My first time I was so anxious/nervous I barely got hard and didnt finish. Its normal.