Some much needed context before you judge please. I told her REPEATEDLY not to waste her money and buy it because I did not want it. I’d rather get the real thing when I have the money.
She didn’t listen and bought me a bag and a belt and now she’s annoyed.
I don’t know whether to just accept them and be grateful, but at the same time, I’m annoyed that once again, she didn’t listen to me. We live in the same house so if I accept them, she will want me to wear them.
I’d just like some advice on what to do, and yes she regularly ignores what I want in favour of what she thinks is best.
Even with clothes, she will buy me outfits I don’t like and refuse to listen to me when I say it’s not my style. When I tell her I don’t want to do a certain job, she keeps insisting I do it despite me saying it’s my future and I don’t want it.
She’s a wonderful woman, and she does have good intentions, but it just feels like she’s not listening to me and if I try and explain to her it just falls on deaf ears.
Anyway, back to the actual point, does anyone know what I should do about this damn bag and belt?
Tl;dr: Grandmother bought me fake designer bag and belt, despite me telling her numerous times I don’t want them, and now she’s annoyed and I don’t know whether to just keep them or stand my ground.
6 comments
Hey OP, this sounds like an extremely difficult situation to be caught in, especially if you’re not the kind of person who enjoys or is comfortable wearing or being seen wearing knockoff designer merch. You’re certainly not alone in it. Some don’t mind, but some do; and your grandmother knew beforehand that you are someone who doesn’t want knockoff items.
I’m going to try to guess what her side of things might be, because it doesn’t seem like you could calmly get her to explain it. Maybe she’s grown up without money, and doesn’t believe there’s much of a difference whether something is real or just a recreation. In her mind, maybe, each has the same value because she believes they look and function the same.
I don’t know your age or your situation, so maybe it would be better to just wear the items once in awhile when you’re spending time with her. Otherwise, maybe you could write a calm-minded and reasonable letter for her to read that explains that although you appreciate her thinking of you and getting you things that remind her of your likes and interests, you’d rather she ask you directly what you’d like, and respect your opinions when thinking of gifts for you.
I’m sorry, OP. It seems like a rough place to be in, but the good thing is, it seems like you care about your grandmother and she cares about you: and that is a good place to start.
She can do with her money what she wants.
You can do with her gifts what you want.
Stop telling her to “not waste her money” – she is an adult and can do with her money what she wants. Instead, tell her what you will do with whatever she wants to buy you. “Grandma, I don’t want these items. If you will buy them anyway and then not keep them for yourself, I will donate them so that someone who wants or needs them can enjoy them.” If she then buys the items anyway, donate them. Again and again and again. One day, it will then hopefully sink in and she’ll stop buying you unwanted stuff.
Alternatively, you could point out what you actually want. Not sure if that would help if she’s so stubborn, though.
In terms of job things, draw a boundary and stick to it. “I have told you I will not do this job and I will not talk about it anymore.” “But I–” “I *told* you I will not talk about this anymore. I will leave if you don’t stop.” If she doesn’t stop, get up and leave. Again and again and again. Stick to your boundaries.
And, depending on your age, prepare to move out ASAP.
Consider going out shopping with her, that way, you get something you like and she gets to give you a gift
Take it, say thank you and put it away somewhere or try to resell it. Have you no manners?
Maybe talk to her about the ethical side of it? If she was in fashion that might make a difference. Knockoffs are super problematic for a reason and it’s not because people are snobby.
Give the bag to a charity thrift store, and let your grandmother know that you love and appreciate her, but would prefer no gifts in the future. If she tries to give them them to you, decline with a “Grandma! I said no gifts. I know you like to spoil me, but I can’t accept this.”