My [F24] boyfriend [M27] says no boys really wants to be friends with me

37 comments

1. No, it’s not true, he’s just projecting his own views about women onto all other guys.

   He can’t be trusted around women.

2. If anything, I would say he’s projecting a lot about the friendships he has with women onto you. If he genuinely believes this, please be careful.

   Some people are genuinely our friends, some people will manipulate us into being friends (when a friendship isn’t what they actually want) to then try their chances at being more than that. It’s not an all or nothing type thing, it’s just something that happens and your boyfriend implying men can’t have platonic friendships is grotesque.

   Women and men can absolutely be friends, OP. Whether or not your boyfriend can simply be friends with women is something he’s speaking volumes about.

3. I mean, as much as it sucks to hear as a woman who has had and currently has male friends– there are **WAY** too many that would sleep with me, if given the chance. They don’t actively seek it out. We don’t talk about it. They don’t make moves or act inappropriately, BUT they would get it on if they thought i was interested. That’s not why, or at least that’s not the *only* reason why we’re friends, but it does influence it somewhat, i think. There are times, in the past when we’ve all been drunk together, that they’ve (disappointingly) made it known. It kinda sours the friendship for me… and most women, I’m sure. Because 95% of the time, I’m not interested. If i was, we likely would already be dating. I’m not one to beat around the bush. If i like you, you know.

   It sucks that we can’t just be platonic. But i have had a few friendships with men that actually **were** fully platonic, it’s just rare. Why? Idk… perhaps because men are programmed to keep potential mates close…? But maybe because they don’t act on it, and remain respectful friends we’re able to overlook it with a good amount of male friends. But I’ve been in awkward situations enough with them that i don’t hang out with men too often without my partner, and when i do, it’s with someone who we both know well.

   It **IS** hurtful, because **why** **the** **fuck** can’t we just be friends? Like, **actual** friends… that you *wouldn’t* sleep with? Would we even **be** friends if that wasn’t in the back of your mind– the “maybe, just maaaayyybe one day, when she’s not dating anyone”?

4. Wow, he sounds gross.

   I wouldn’t want to date a man who doesn’t have any female friends.

5. Yes and no. Yes, men and women can be platonic friends. But the truth is a lot of men do not see women as fully formed people and many have ulterior motives when befriending them. One of the greenest flags I noticed about my bf is his ability to be friends with many different women. Younger and older than him, some he used to have crushes on and others he found physically repulsive, single and married with kids. This showed me he didn’t just befriend them to be an orbiter and wait for the right opportunity, but because he saw them as people he wanted to be friends with.

   Like always, context matters.

6. I would keep my guard up with this guy. He can have girl friends, but OP can’t have guy friends because all of them want to bang her.. every guy thinks like this but not OP’s BF?

   Naah OP you can’t trust your own bf, that’s for sure. You can be friends with the opposite gender but if your bf views are like this, be is projecting on to you, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he is a cheater.

7. Hi, umm, why are you dating this guy? He sounds misogynistic, controlling and insecure.

   Controlling because he wants to dictate who you can or cannot spend time with. Next he’ll probably tells what you can or cannot wear. How much attention he should be geting compared to your friends/family. Etc etc.

   Insecure because he thinks that you befriending men is gonna jeopardize your relationship. Whether he’s insecure that these male friends are better than him & therefore can swoop you up whenever they wants, or that he doesn’t trust you enough as a partner. He probably think that you would definitely cheat with any men that flirts with you, as if you wouldn’t reject them.

   Misogynistic because he make “rules” for the relationship that only benefits him. Believing that the rule doesn’t apply to him because he’s a man & you’re a woman. If his reasonings for you to not have male friends is because he’s afraid they might try to fuck you (r*pe you) & that he’s only “looking out for you”, he should’ve tell those men to respect you, instead of telling you to stay away.

8. Ancient mariner here. As far as I can make out men and women think slightly differently.

   Women divide and place their Male acquaintances into distinct groups, the chaps they would date, and the chaps they would never date, the friend zoners if you like. Between these two groups, datable guys can be moved into the friend zone if something occurs to precipitate that, but friend zone guys rarely, rarely get moved up to the datable group. This all happens subconsciously and it’s not done in a contrived way, it’s just how gals seem to do it (purely my opinion) as far as I can tell, gals can have men friends with no issue, and they can spend purely platonic time with those guys without it having to be weird.

   Men. Men are different (huge generalizations I know, but this is generally what I hav observed as a parent) men do sort of categorize women they meet as either immediately datable, or not so immediately datable, but from what I’ve seen, guys are absolutely open to moving those girls back and forwards between groups easily, so while its entirely possible for a guy to have a female friend that he currently is not interested in romantically, there is always the possibility that that might flip and she can become someone of romantic interest. From that point of view, guys having female friends is a little more nuanced. Its absolutely possible but it feels less certain that a platonic friend will either stay platonic, or that they haven’t already been in the datable camp.

   I have no explanation why this is, but having raised a house full of women, I’ve noticed that if a prospective beau has, what I would describe as a particularly concerning female pal, it has never worked out good for anyone involved.

   Take out of that, what you will.

9. Your boyfriend is immature.

10. He really doesn’t have high thoughts of his own gender.

11. I challenge all you female nay sayers to send a risky texts to these heterosexual male friends you have. Odds are most male friends will jump at the chance they’ve been waiting for to begin with.

12. They may not all want to actively have sex with you but if you said “hey, I want to get down” they would likely all jump at the chance.

13. That depends on the origin of the relationship
    If that boy was a childhood friend or a family friend then it’s most likely platonic

    But most of the time any random guy that approaches you doesn’t approach you with the intention of being friends

    Some stay friends waiting for a chance

14. Of course it’s not true. I have platonic friendships with men and there’s not a whiff of sex anywhere. One very dear friend I met at work so my partner didn’t know him. He suspected I was having an affair, while I was helping the friend prepare his wedding proposal and then wedding! The friend is like 15 years younger than me, so honestly it would have been weird!!

    Total BS this guy. He’s saying ridiculous things just to try to hurt you. He’s such a worthless character, he has to badmouth all other men so that he looks better than them. It’s a kind of negging.

15. Projecting his own character perhaps?

16. I have some women friends I would never consider sleeping with, for a variety of reasons. Some are more like sisters, some are married, some just don’t do anything for me as far as arousing me sexually. Even if these people were to offer to sleep with me, I just wouldn’t do it. Most all of them could be considered objectively attractive. On the other hand, there are women friends of mine that if they did offer to sleep with me, would be difficult to turn down, if I were single. And it would probably ruin the friendship, but that’s life.

17. >He says that every boy I ever met, doesn’t want a platonic friendship – they just want to fuck me. But that doesn’t mean he wants to fuck every girl he is friends with

    You can’t have it both ways. Either he admits not every guy sees you as a walking fleshlight, or he admits he wants to fuck all his female friends. He is not the special snowflake he seems to think he is.

    Men and women can be friends. Also, you can find your friend attractive/dateable/worth sleeping with and still respect them as people. This is something a lot of people seem to miss.

    So long as you’re not being weird about it, or growing an obsessive crush, it is fine to be friends with someone you think is hot. You just need to respect the fact that you are just friends.

18. In my experiences no you can’t ever really be truly just friends one or the other is usually feeing something. I used to think they could but then those friends all have ever proven that there was always something .

19. Well… Yes and no? So first of all, men and women can be friends without either party wanting to fuck each other. That’s absolutely true. But it’s naive to pretend a large portion of guys don’t have at least one friend they want to sleep with, regardless of how they feel with them as a friend.

    That said, there are also people who put up a friendly facade with the sole intention of one day sleeping with the other person, with little to no interest in friendship outside of sex.

    As for what your boyfriend is saying, honestly he kinda just sounds like a tool tbh.

20. Here’s the test , unless they’re gay or family, choose a random male in your contacts , call them and tell them ” such and such left me for such and such, wanna bump uglies? ” And if they don’t die in a car wreck on the way to you , 75% percent of the time expect a knock on your door , with a bottle of supermarket wine and a box of Trojans.

21. I want to butt in because I have a lot of experience with this from the other side. My fiancee is considered very attractive, and therefore has had COUNTLESS guys try (I’d wager a guess around 20-30 but I have lost count at this point) and be friends with her just to become an “orbiter” and weasel their way in. It always starts off very friendly, very platonic and cordial. Then given the chance even the slightest thing happens in our lives, such as her becoming sick, they go full dog mode and try and act like they care so much, and will fix everything wrong. That or they just gradually get sick of waiting and ramp up the flirting. While that being said, we also have met a few guys that can be actual friends without trying to sleep with her or be friends with me just to try and be “friendly” with her. It can happen. You just need to find the right person with the right values

22. Ask yourself if you feel you’ve lived a life so very, very clean that you can possibly be so lucky as to get the *one* dude out of the approximately 1 billion dateable dudes who *doesn’t* want to fuck every woman he meets.

    I assure you, you have not lived such a clean life. Your boyfriend is telling you that *he* wants to fuck every woman he sees and is incapable of having an actual friendship with another woman. But it makes him look bad, so he says its “other dudes”.

23. Sounds like your boyfriend is a misogynist. Does he think that your only value as a person is sexual? That your thoughts and interests aren’t valuable and worth knowing? That your friendship isn’t something people cherish and care to have?

    Is the only reason he’s with you because you have sex with him? Does he not value your other traits and personality?

24. He’s looking at the world through his eyes. He wants to fuck every woman he knows. Doesn’t mean others do as well.
    Get rid of him ASAP.

25. Ok, Your boyfriend is mostly wrong; yes, you can have really good friends that are boys, and they may not make a move or show any romantic feelings at all for the entire friendship; that being said he is not entirely wrong, there is a very good chance they will have the thought of fucking you cross their mind, that is hormones and nature and base instinct playing into it. . . But the fact is most guys get past that very quickly (seconds) and don’t let it affect anything, this is our lizard brain fucking with us and we know it and we know better then to let it ruin anything.

26. He’s clearly telling you who he is, then acting like he’s not. Typical manipulation/abuse tactic. They get duper’s delight from u believing him after he blatantly tells u all guys want to fuck their friends. Like, “how stupid can she be 😂” type of thing. But if you respond with the obvious logic that he’s saying he would fuck women he is friends with, he puts on the act. To see if your dumb enough to believe it

    It’s stupid, but it’s how they get a false sense of superiority and power

27. I’ve had female friends where if they had come on to me I’d absolutely been down for it. I’ve also had female friends that I had no attraction for whatsoever. I’ve never befriended someone out of hope of having sex with them, but yeah I have been attracted to some of my friends.

28. Sure, but there’s a difference between having a genuine male friend who WOULD fuck you but likes you for who you are and a guy who will do and say anything so that he can fuck you. Having attraction to someone isn’t a problem to me – it’s whether they allow that attraction to make their behavior repulsive.

29. Ask yourself: if what your boyfriend is saying was true, does it mean that we, the bisexual people on this planet, can have no friends at all never?
    Your boyfriend is lying. Of course you can have platonic friends with people of all genders. Also, being heterosexual doesn’t mean that you’re attracted to ALL people of the opposite gender, it just means that when you do feel attraction, the person you’ll be attracted to will be of the opposite gender. This is true for you, and this is true for your male friends, it’s just not possible that they are sexually attracted to ALL women they met on this planet. So ask yourself why is your boyfriend lying to you and manufacturing a double standard… does he want to control you?

30. With the right guy, yes, you can be friends.

    The issue is that most men are dishonest about the reason they want to be close to you. They either don’t tell you they’re into you or they do and you refused their romantic advances, and they just stick around to see if you’re gonna change your mind

    I myself was very unpleasantly surprised by several men who I thought were friends for YEARS before they unmasked their true intentions.

    I have also had a good male friend for 23 years now.

    But you really have to be suspicious, I don’t like saying that, but I’m old, I’ve seen a lot, and what I’ve seen is that most men do not value a woman’s friendship.

31. Unfortunately, there’s some truth in this. And the more attractive you are, the more it’ll be true. This is right up there with “if a guy wants a hug, he wants to feel you up”. Found out that was true in my later 20’s (I was naïve).

    So, yes, it can happen. You can have male friends, he can have female friends. Does he want to have sex with them? Probably some. Does that mean he will? No. As long as both your intentions (you and your bf) are good, then the trust can remain intact, and you both should be able to have friendships with the opposite sex.

    Just don’t be naïve about their possible intentions and be respectful to your BF. So, don’t put yourself in “situations”, be respectful and demand respect from your friends and if you don’t get it, don’t continue the friendship. You both can have friends of the opposite sex.

32. More correctly, *most* guys when you are in your 20’s are looking to fuck you. Just not all. When I was in my 20’s I had many female friends I had no interest in having sex with.

    There are plenty of guys out there that will sleep with absolutely anything though.

33. There’s a lot of bad people out there, that don’t think they’re bad.

    Do a lot of men only see women as sexual objects or romantic quests? Yes.

    Do all of them? No.

    I have many women friends, my closest friend is a woman and her husband and I are great friends.

    What’s concerning to me is your partner having this blanket statement. I’d be as bold to say, that means he’s projecting. In other words that’s how he’s programmed to view women and that’s a major red flag for you.

    Keep friends with whatever gender you choose. Don’t let a partner control you like that. If one crosses the line, that is the only time it’s fair for you and your partner to have boundaries on that relationship. Even then, it should be a supportive discussion.

34. So he says all guys have ulterior motives when befriending women. But he, a guy with women friends, does not. Make up your mind guy.

35. I agree with your boyfriend. I am 72 year old man, and I speak with a lot of experience on this. At least 80% or more of the guys I have known that had female friends have expressed to me at one time or another that they would sleep with them if given the opportunity. The majority of your male friends will be orbiters just waiting that you and your boyfriend have a problem. Your boyfriend has a legitimate excuse. Beware the male friend who wants you to lean on their shoulder.

36. You’re taking it too personal but I understand why. This does not mean you’re not worth a friendship.

    I’m not saying all men but more than likely, your dude friends would sleep with you but that doesn’t mean they don’t like you as a friend.

    Women on the other hand are more than likely to able to keep it platonic. So I kinda agree with him except if he were single, he’d more than likely would be ok sleeping with his lady friends. In my eyes, his friendship with the opposite sex is more than likely safer because those women more than likely won’t make moves on him.

37. I can understand why this guy is saying she can’t have male friends. She posted 26 days ago that she slept with another guy and cheated on him 2 years ago.