If anything I’m even worse than ever. All my efforts allowed me to do is confirm that I’m not secretly hated by everyone and I’m only around 60% sure of that fact. I assumed early on that I was making some kind of progress, but it turns out the best I could muster was just having the class acknowledge I exist positively for the very first time…And that’s really about it. I still cannot get a conversation past 1 minute at best and it seemed that literally every friend group is full. I’m locked out.
I thought I was able to make one friend, but at this point, it seems that the person felt bad that I was completely lonely. I still felt lonely when I followed the person around, and I was always there, but never felt part of the group even when trying. At this point, my texts have gone unanswered, and so I’m very much confident I’m not actually welcomed. I am definitely not going to spam or harass the person.
Same with anyone else I thought I could try to message. I’m always left on read barely 10 replies in. And I am not going to annoy people who obviously don’t want to talk to me.
I really need to know what exactly I’m missing. And I’m getting tired of the generic recommendation that yields nothing. Going through every piece of advice from ‘Join a group’ to ‘Be yourself’ to ‘Be kind’ keeps yielding me with absolutely nothing. At best, my existence is acknowledged instead of just being treated as the background npc. But that’s it.
If going through every single piece of advice yields me nothing. Then the only constant is that there’s just something inherent to my character that’s revolting. And I don’t know what. I’m definitely not saying mean things to people.
I have nothing to look forward to tomorrow or next week or next month. No events, experiences, nothing. Nothing here is enjoyable.
No seriously, what’s the actual secret to socialization that everyone is pretending I should already know?
7 comments
fuck trying to make friends make your life make money make your family the best family there is
Try to make situational friends where you only interact during the activity (can be work, hobby group, event, volunteering). Some people tend to be exhausted by the socialisation they did outside of home, so they don’t want socialisation when they are at home.
As for events, look up public events. There are many events where anyone can join (some do cost money, but there are also free ones).
Also, you could try talking with a professional (like a therapist), they might give you a more detailed answer.
If you’re not getting help from strangers on the internet, it might be time for therapy with a professional. You need some real-life feedback on how you interact.
My friend listen to me. You need to stop that way of thinking about yourself. There’s a scripture in the Bible that says In Proverbs, chapter 23, verse 7: “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he” and Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue. I now how you feel I was going through the same thing and kinda still am way but you have many brothers and sister going through the same thing. I’m not trying to force anything on you. Jesus loves you very much they hole you have in your heart only he can fill it . People , places , and things will never. When ever you feel lonely or not loved or not noticed. He is there by your side. People will always let you down. He never will. Here’s a secret I want to share with you I prayed for friends , I prayed for a GF/wife and honestly it’s been a struggle but because of his mercy and grace he blessed me. You gotta fight for the things you want and humble yourself when you get a chance petition to God tell him how you feel , want and ask him. He’s a good father.
I’m guessing you focus on yourself for a while, learn stuff for yourself, and quit trying to make friends for a while. I know friendships can happen very naturally and unexpectedly
The secret at this point, to add to the chorus, is therapy -and- there is no and. It’s time for therapy.
My first instinct reading your descriptions of interactions was to ask for proof on both of those accounts, but I also realize that that would not impact the intention of your words.
At this point the problem is nothing to do with being social and entirely to do with you being miserable, which could be based on soft and/or hard science (psychology vs pharmacology). It can sound like callous advice, but I’m fond of RuPaul’s “If you can’t love yourself, then how the hell you gonna love someone else?”
To have something to look forward to does not require people, and if it does then that would be a therapeutic focal point. I have a few movie dates over the next few months earmarked. None of my friends can spare the time at this point in life, and I get to see them elsewhere, so I’m making Date Days for myself.
Nice dinner, good relaxation, and a movie to cap it off. I am not kept, nor am I anyone’s keeper. I do what I want and feel at my leisure, and that is a level of freedom that is impossible to have with other people around.
To touch back on Ru’s words – people don’t want to spend all of their time around someone who is miserable all of the time. That’s not an accusation; just a fact. Depression is an energy vacuum not only for the afflicted but for those near them. People only have so much of themselves to share with others until the well runs dry.
I would ask that you not give up on trying to socialize if that’s a thing you want in life, but also I would ask that you address the question not as “if I had friends I would be happy, so why cant I get friends?” And more as “why am I not happy?” Respectfully, there is too much in this world for me to believe a single facet of our lives could be the only possible path towards happiness, and within that path are still many different walks. I’m a dork so I hang out with dorky goofy people. An average person doesn’t have too much to offer me, nor I to them; I don’t know about any sports, but have you heard the tale of Dyatlov Pass?
I do what I can to live in honesty with myself and my people, and what I need to get by. It’s not easy, but I recommend it, and I can say I’m a lot happier.
Do you want to be your friend? If the answer to that is yes, then you need to list all the things that would make you want to be your friend. Use that list to showcase your interesting side.
Be yourself doesn’t work if you are boring. You need to be either good looking or funny or fun to be around. You can be all of those if you try hard enough. Be a something guy, be the anime guy, or the meathead or the fashion guy or the political activist guy. Stand out in a way.
It’s hard to reinvent yourself in a place where a perception of you is set. Find newer places to go and experiment with new things. Be shameless, you will have to do things that are embarrassing but you shouldn’t feel discouraged.
If you want attention and already have a good personality then get good at something. Being in shape will get peoples eyes on you. Being good at your job or your studies will also make people come to you.
If you want personalized advice then hmu. If you are willing to try, i am willing to give you advice.