My Facebook video feed is nonstop podcasts about men’s values. And it’s all the same.
1. Virginity
2. Youth and beauty
3. Dating single mom is the biggest L for men.
If this is true and what is needed to get a good man, women need to know before they hit high school.
My question is this. What should I do if I have a lot of personal value but I don’t have things men value?
I’m not hot. Not a virgin but I don’t sleep around. I have a kid and a great co-parenting relationship. Great job. House. I’ve done a lot of healing and inner work. I like me. My life is full of love and safe/understanding relationships with my family. I feel known and seen and loved.
I’m finding it hard to want to date because if those things about men are true, I don’t have any value to men.
I can offer a stable healthy relationship. A home. A life partner. Commitment and honesty and loyalty. Respect.
But I’m not an Instagram model. I’m 30y/o.
I don’t value physical appearance. I value someone knowing who they are and the truth about who they are. I value knowing and being known by someone. Laughing. Trust. True emotional and physical intimacy. Growth. Empathy and compassion but also wisdom.
For me monogamy and loyalty and honesty are so easy. It’s a choice and a lifestyle.
I guess I’m confused and my desire to date men is gone if what I want and value is lost on them and of no value to them.
And I know there are food men who don’t cheat or lie etc.
It’s the nature of men that bothers me. Their natural desire to look at women. To not care about deep emotional things. Idk.
I figured I’d ask men to shed some light
17 comments
Your Facebook video feed is toxic and is fucking with your head.
Just another reason to delete FB.
Start by watching what you browse as that drives the algorithms that give you these stories.
I can assure you that the number of men who look for the three items you listed as their preferences are the vocal minority.
Don’t listen to fools.
Dating is *so much more* than what you see on Instagram.
You’re also generalizing men a bit, e.g. “to not care about deep emotional things”. I think you know this isn’t true of all men. The reverse of this post is “women only care about riches, good looks, and high social value.” I think you know that not all women are superficial, so why would all men be?
Also please consider dropping “value” from your dating vocabulary. That’s pure ego talking. Love takes self esteem.
The internet is not real life.
Virginity is overrated. Youth and beauty fade. I can understand the kid thing but the right guy will be accepting of that or he isn’t the right guy for you because your kid comes first.
I watched two of these shorts out of curiosity and now my YouTube feed is inundated with them. I think it was during the Andrew Tate arrest.
I can’t speak for other men over 30, but I don’t care about virginity or youth. Attractiveness is obviously important, but it’s highly relative to each of us in terms of what we like.
I’ve never dated a single mom, but it’s not a deal breaker by any stretch.
I think it’s important to note that these pre-requisites may be more related to younger men. I’d also say that body count may matter for some people, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable. Gender aside, it’s not irrational to associate promiscuity with a lack of stability or an unwillingness/inability to commit.
The broad strokes you listed about “what men want” are like anything else that comes from Facebook: total garbage.
If you truly value yourself, don’t let “what Facebook says” manipulate your opinion. And don’t let men who think that social media is how they could / should / would treat a lady and find a partner.
Sounds like you are quite the catch for the right man. It may take a little work to find one that’s reached the same level of maturity you have, but if you’re honest about how you feel and what you want, there are plenty of guys who’d line up to take you out.
There are always going to be shitty people in the world. But thinking every man is the same because of what you read on social media doesn’t seem reasonable to me. You should really remove yourself from it if it gets to you that much. Social media has a way of dumbing down things far too much and also giving an extremely surface level view.
You’re in deep in the toxic masculinity Man-o-sphere. I recommend blocking those creators and trying to meet someone organically. 30 is tough because it’s pre-first divorce wave and the people who want to be coupled are generally coupled. Just be a good person and meet other good people in real life situations, stay off the internet and things will happen.
Those aren’t ‘men’s values.’ Those are what incels think they are. In any case, just like women, men aren’t a hive mind and we all value and look for different things in a woman.
Anyway, It sounds like you are a well grounded, good woman who I can tell you many, many men would value. So stop listening to crap on FB being produced by a small minority of clueless individuals.
Let’s put a HUGE pump on the breaks for a second. These “high-value man” channels have been peddling this content for a few years now, starting around just before the quarantine. Since then, pages like Fresh and Fit Podcast, Kevin Samuels, Rich Campbell, Andrew Tate, Sneako, etc., have saturated people’s algorithms with the same messages just in a different flavor. It’s posed as a battle of the sexes, men and women hashing it out. The reality is that it is a group of men who have practiced their narrative for years, sitting around with OnlyFans models and “city girls” types, word salading them into looking stupid for views. It is a completely false depiction of reality, and once I thought about that, I never took them seriously again. The “high-value men” they are talking about are not on the podcast and they can not speak for every man that makes enough to be in the top 3% of earners. Everything they are saying is not real. You have to remember that we live on a different planet than these people. What makes someone a good person generally makes them a good partner. Embrace your qualities and the positives, stay close to your friends and family, and continue to work on yourself. If you let this kind of stuff keep you up at night, you may think yourself out of a good thing with someone later down the road. There are good men that do not cheat or lie, just like there are women who do not either. There are good men that genuinely just want a woman who makes them feel loved and appreciated. I have dealt with this kind of talk from my fellow friends who are male. They feel inadequate and undesirable because they are not making millions and are on a yacht in Miami every Tuesday, or they do not have supermodel bodies, or the stoic mindset of the emotionless man these channels want men to have. I always tell them, “Maybe, girls just want a cool guy that communicates, expresses genuine interest in them, protects them and makes them feel safe, and earns enough to live comfortably based on your age.” It is much easier to achieve that, it also is most likely the more common thing that people want from a partner. Please, spare yourself the bullshit that is on your social media, and go out to the world and put yourself out there.
I don’t care about virginity at all, that’s ridiculous. Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder, I dated some women who are objectively beautiful and some who were not, who cares.
But a single mom is indeed a red flag for me personally (!), mainly because I just don’t want to have kids, the responsibilities that come with them as well as having kids become emotionally attached to me at all. I think I remember reading some news articles about more and more men actively deciding against having kids.
And what can I say, my best friend is a single mom of two and everything she‘s telling me about all the work, the stress and the lack of having time for yourself scares the shit out of me.
In short: a woman having children is not the problem for me, the kids are.
But I am definitely not the archetype of a man so don’t get me wrong: I don’t want to scare you, I just want to make clear there is more complexity and individual desires that influence finding a potential partner.
The “value” conversation is just disgusting to me. I don’t know when it started but it makes me physically ill every time I hear about it. It’s absolutely toxic and psychopathic and I seriously cannot fucking believe that people actually talk like that with no expectation of getting punched in the face. Come to think of it, people say way too many things because theres no expectation of a face-punch.
Type6, you’re not wrong to wonder how to find the right partner. You **are** wrong to even enter into this specific dialogue. There is no man or woman worth having who is part of “high value/low value” culture. FULL STOP. Someone who says those words to you or around you is missogynistic trash. And deserves to be punched in the face.
Stick to your values. Be the best you and GIVE NO FUCKS about what men think about that. Because a good man is going to have those same values. I’m thinking you’re just looking at the wrong group of pitiful, fragile morons.
Not All Men Are Like That.
The problem is the kid. The rest is fine.
Tl;dr, your algorithm is fucked up. For the sake of your mental health, get off of facebook immediately.
1) Only religious nutjobs care whether you’re a virgin.
2) Beauty is subjective. Hygiene is a much higher priority. 99% of dudes want a woman who is within a few years of their age, give or take. Only creeps make dating younger a priority.
3) 100% false. Some guys see it as a deal breaker, others won’t. It’s not considered an “L” by any stretch, though.