So context, my gf (30F) and I (33M) just spent a week and a half straight traveling together. Two days after we got back, she had a planned girls’ trip for the weekend.
If I’m being honest, I was excited to chill at home, watch TV, play games, etc.
Well she just called to check in, ask how my weekend was. I said it was good, relaxing, I asked how her’s was, also good.
But then she asks if I missed her, I was caught a little off guard, even though I expected this question.
I fumbled out words and eventually asked “I mean did you?”
She replies “Well no, we did spend 10 days straight together”
So I said “Yeah exactly, it was 10 days straight, so I didn’t either”
“Oh so you didn’t miss me??”
“You just said you didn’t either”
“Yeah but that’s because you didn’t answer and deflected”
Sure, I avoided the question, because I don’t like lying, but I knew saying no would upset her, despite her always being blunt with her answers.
So now she’s upset, I’m dreading her coming home and bringing this up again, causing a fight.
I definitely agree I didn’t handle it well, but I also feel like I was set up for failure.
Any insights?
6 comments
>I definitely agree I didn’t handle it well, but I also feel like I was set up for failure.
100% you were. It was a set up.
Could have gone with the default “always say yes to your woman”… but that is usually done with an eye roll.
Really… this is a high-school type argument. And at her age, I expect more maturity out of her. Too old for these games, and no time to argue over nonsense.
If there is a little bit of conflict… tell her:
>Why are you picking a fight with me?
>
>We spent 10 great days together and I enjoyed my time with you.
>
>We’re a couple but not attached to the hip and codependent on each-other.
>
>So yes, I enjoyed my 2 days of downtime afterwards. And me not missing you in those two days, does not mean I don’t love you.
>
>10 days together and you cannot survive the next 48 hours without depending on my full attention?
>
>Are you looking to argue or something? We had a great trip and this is the final note you want to leave it on?
You could have just said “Yes hunny, I miss you blah blah blah”… but given the context. You should be free to say yes or no, without it resulting in a fight.
I’d encourage to not escalate it and be harsh about it. Just try to communicate it like “why are you doing this…?”
I’ll translate her question for you, because I doubt she was asking if you were sitting at home pining for her all weekend. What she really wanted to know is probably something closer to “do you still think about me when we are apart”.
After spending 10 days together she probably wasn’t sad and mopey that you weren’t together but she probably felt your absence and was wondering if you did too. Not that it means either of you aren’t enjoying your time apart or even looking forward to it.
If your dreading her bringing it up again, I’d suggest you bring it up first. Own up to whatever you didn’t handle well, explain your feelings and experience and ask about hers and what she meant when she asked if you missed her. Open communication is always key. (And so much easier said than done)
Why is she allowed to not miss you, but you’re not?
This is why you shouldn’t ask questions you don’t want honest answers to
Do you remember [your post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qkl51j/thoughts_on_issue_between_my_gf_28_and_me_31/) from approx. 1 year ago?
Her behaviour in this situation is basically the same as it was in the situation back then.
I would have said something about how your girlfriend’s question of whether you miss her was just a disguised way of asking if things are still good between you after you spent 10 days travelling together, but considering the context of your previous post, it honestly just sounds like your girlfriend is really insecure, likes to play games and wants you to ‘chase her’.
Whether she’s doing it on purpose or out of maliciousness, it sounds like she sets you up to fail and then gets upset with you when you do inevitably fail. Not only is that not fair to you, it also isn’t an effective or respectful way of communicating with one’s partner.
Smells like a shit test