Dear women who grew up in a lower social class than you are in now, how have you found your place?

16 comments

1. A lot of it goes out to my parents. We grew up poor but they never stopped working hard, and we live comfortably now. We still lead a frugal lifestyle because of it but we are comfortable.

2. I worked a lot, saved money and I am a “I want to experience life” kinda person, so I travelled, I tried different things, and I was finding my own place…

3. Grew up fairly poor and worked my butt off to put myself through college, build a career and be able to experience the life I wanted. I am very comfortable now but still find I really don’t fit into the “class” of people I am financially on par with. Honestly, I just do whatever I want in life including travel, shopping, activities etc and don’t really worry about anything else. I avoid a lot of the people from my poorer days (they are really judgemental conservatives) and cannot click with the richer people (they are very snobby) so I just hang out with my middle class friends who are the most normal to me at least.

4. My parents had more children than they could afford, and my mother has never been able to hold down a job for more than a couple years at a time because of her angry outbursts. She still relies on regular checks from her own mother to live.

   I started working in high school, and never stopped. I worked full time through college and graduate school to limit student loans, and worked at least 2 jobs at a time until I paid off my student loans. We had a low-cost wedding (no engagement rings, $150 dress, tattoo rings which cost a total of $50) so we could afford to buy property earlier, and have not had any children.

   I would describe myself as comfortably lower-middle class now, and haven’t been to a food bank since I was a child. I would not be nearly so comfortable if we had children, the “normal” wedding experience, or stopped working while going through school

5. I work all the time and am very unhappy nothing has change, nothing will change

6. I grew up poor but not as bad as many. My dad made just enough money to not qualify for aid. My mom had / has health issues which just sucked any excess money away. The one key takeaway from this is that I totally believe that making memories with my loved ones is so much more important than having the perfect ‘______’. I had relatives who had the perfect home. They made vacations about working on the house. They made free time and money about that perfect house. I saw how they did this and decided that memories are so much more important. A trip to Disney World or a hiking trip is what we talk about and my house is not perfect and my car is mediocre at best. However, we have some great memories and stories. It’s just a house or a car.

7. I grew up very poor, in and out of homelessness. When we were sheltered, sometimes there were up to three families living in a two-bedroom apartment. It wasn’t unusual for multiple kids to share one twin mattress. Often my mom had to choose between groceries and utilities.

   I went to college and worked my butt off. I always had 2-3 jobs at a time, tried to make those paid internships when possible. I have been very lucky to have hiring managers take a chance on me. I put a lot of time into intentionally learning verbal and nonverbal communication. I made some friends in college who came from affluent families and learned how to imitate their communication styles. (They were a lot more subtle and way less emotional than what I grew up in.) I studied the way they dressed and what brands they wore, and bought outfits (from thrift stores and clearance racks) to fit in.

   After college, I changed jobs every 2 years to get larger salaries. I kept paying attention to what more affluent people in my workplace wore and imitated that. I noticed affluent women tend to have manicures and wear delicate jewelry, so I got manicures and delicate jewelry. It worked; looking like them made me more likable and trustworthy. Now I make six figures at 32. Not rich to most people but definitely feel rich compared to my childhood. All I wanted as a kid was to be able to pay all my bills AND get groceries – and I haven’t had a problem doing that in a decade.

   It’s really left me feeling between social classes. I can blend in with middle class and nouveau riche people pretty well as long as I don’t talk about my past. Old-money knows I don’t belong. The poor folks I come – even my own family – from think I’m unrecognizable and pretentious.

8. I’ve moved up via academia/information work, and a lot of people in that world are upwardly (or downwardly, or laterally!) class-mobile as well, so finding compatible folks hasn’t been as hard as if I’d gone into, like, investment banking.

9. About to be 21, from the time I was 18 I worked, saved, and went to community College. Buying a house ay the end of the year, I’m going to Mexico for a week in May, and I’m finishing school hopefully in December. My dream life is practically here including my current relationship

10. Acceptance, detachment & forgiveness.

    Accepting that the past is my past and that nothing will ever change that, detaching from it without suppressing it (imho, moving on w/o detaching is impossible) and, last but not least, forgiving my past self/my parents as we were victims of circumstances that none of us could‘ve changed easily.

    The rest (e.g. studying/working my ass off or be disciplined as f*ck) was easy.

11. I went to school for medical assisting and fell ass backward into a good job at a university where tuition is free for me. So not only can I afford my house by myself, with all the perks of a state job, I’m pursuing a new degree as well.

12. I was homeless as a teen in bumfuck nowhere, now living in a 3 bed house in London.

    I mix well with most people except the super rich. Everyone has different experiences and perspectives so accepting that others are going to have different opinions to themselves while still respecting each other will go a long way.

13. Accidentally married well.

    When we started dating we were 2 broke teens living paycheck to paycheck and sometimes not making it. At one point my SO lived in their car.

    Then they worked their way up and is now widely successful in their field, to the point other places have tried to head hunt’em. We now live in the boujee side of town.

    Edit: my kid isn’t school age yet so I dunno how I’ll click with other moms. But I grew up a poor farmer and have worked in the hood for 7 years, I don’t think anything is going to prepare them for me.

14. I grew up poor and now I have everything I want due to education and hard work. I never wanted kids; if I had had them, I wouldn’t be so financially successful as now.

15. Sort of… grew up pretty modestly, though not in poverty. I now have a job in publishing and am about to own my own flat (through having two jobs and saving every penny) so I feel like I’m pretty middle class really. Have I found my place? Maybe. I’m pretty happy where I am. I have money to travel and certainly don’t have to worry about paying the gas bill. But when I’m surrounded by other publishing people I always feel like an outsider. The older I get the less I mind, which is great as I’ve spent a lot of time with imposter syndrome.

16. I’m in pretty much the same tax bracket as my parents, but unlike them I don’t:

    1. Have 3 children
    2. Smoke 2 packs of cigarettes per day
    3. Smoke weed every day

    So my money goes a bit further.