Part one:
So I (28M) was together with my now ex gf (30F) for 5 years. She dumped me out of nowhere in January this year. I was devastated, I couldn’t eat well for a month, I lost like 8 KGS since then. After the break-up I was still there in our home, because she wouldn’t let me drive a car in the state I was. So we tried talking, we had problems, which I admitted to, but i thought It was nothing so serious that some talking over won’t help. Turns out she liked one of her coworkers for a while now. But when I asked her if she still loves me, she said she loves me but not like before, and she also said that I am her first ex she could imagine getting together again in the future.
Part two:
So I left, moved back to my parents, but couldn’t help myself, i texted her quite regularly. Ofc I wanted to reconcile, but she always kept a distance. When I asked her why, she said she doesn’t want me to be hopeful about getting back together. But she still never said she doesn’t love me anymore. So this goes on for a few weeks, then I decided it’s now or never, I’m gonna propose to her, so I bought a very nice ring i knew she would like. I asked her to meet ( which she refused before many times, saying it wouldn’t be healthy for us) and she agreed. As we met, we drove to the city center to walk a bit and as we got there she hugged me and told me in tears that she missed me very much. So we talked for a couple of hours, and at the end of the night I proposed to her, but i said that she doesn’t have to answer right now, only when she feels that way ( i was terribly afraid of refusal at that time). She said okay, we cried a lot, end of day. A few days later she wants to meet. At the meeting she tells me that she immediately (!) got together with that coworker she liked and they immediately moved together in our home (!!!). She says she’s very sorry and she regrets it now. I was again, devastated at this point. But i felt we can still make it right again, so in the following month or so we started dating once a week, ofc secretly because of her new bf. We texted regularly, and as the days went by it got more intense. We talked about future plans, well more like continuing our old plans, we talked about our quasi engagement, our future wedding and everything seemed great.
But there was always this thing that she couldn’t dump her new bf. She said she couldn’t break another heart, she’s not ready for the emotionally. She said her new bf is perfect and she couldn’t give him a proper reason for a break up.
At the same time though, she said countless times that she loves me, and everything was much better with me, and she can only imagine her life with me. We hugged and kissed several times, and we almost had sex a few times, but in the end we didn’t.
Part three:
So after months of this on and off secret relationship, i was very miserable and i felt my heart was torn to pieces because of this uncertainty, so after a few arguments and many crying, she decided that she’s gonna dump him, she gave herself three weeks. That three week were a few days ago, she didn’t do it. I am devastated once again and I’m not sure what to do. She still told me to wait for her, and that she loves me. And that she hopes we can still be together in the future.
I feel like she’s the love of my life, and i can’t imagine being happy in my life ever again without her. Since the break-up, i lost all my hobbies and interests, I’m a half man. But there are questions within me. How can she say she loves me when she sleeps with someone else? How can she say she’s sorry for me and understands my pain, but still continues doing this? How can she dream of our wedding and still after months lives with someone else?
Tldr:
Gf dumped me after 5 years, I wanted to reconcile, she kept a distance, but never said its over forever. Turns out she has a new bf, possibly who she dumped me for. We started talking, it seemed there is hope, i proposed to her, but i gave time for the answer. Everything seemed good, planned our future, went on dates etc. She set a date to dump her new bf, which didn’t happen in the end. It’s almost half a year now, and she says she loves me but she’s still with the guy.
So what do you think? Should i end this whole misery and try to move on? ( My logic tells me this, but all my heart says i can’t do this)
Or should I stop trying and let her make the next move and see what happens?
Thanks for helping me 🙂
9 comments
Dude, it’s time to move on. She moved her coworker in to your house immediately after you guys broke up. You should’ve dropped her as soon as she told you that. She obviously didn’t regret it that much if she’s still with him. She will keep pushing back the time to tell him and keep telling you want you want to hear to keep you on the hook. She broke up with you to date her coworker, and once she saw it wasn’t everything she built it up to be in her head.. she just jumps between the both of you. She’s a cheater and a liar.
It’s time to leave this girl in the past, you’re gonna get hurt playing the pick me game. She’s not sorry, she doesn’t love you, she doesn’t understand your pain, she’s not dreaming of your wedding. She’s probably saying the same shit to the other guy. She has no problem breaking up with you after 5 years… yet it’s so hard with this other guy? Come on, OP. Have some self respect, start your hobbies again, make some new friends, and please, for the love of God move on from this girl. You’ve already wasted 5 years, don’t waste any more time. Cut her off and block her everywhere, it’s time to go no contact.
Lmfao is this forreal??? Dude… stop. There as so many things wrong with this whole scenario that I won’t even get into. You need to cut her off and move on. She obviously doesn’t love you like she says she does cause she wouldn’t be with this new coworker at all if she truly loved you. She’s playing you and that poor other guy. You need to cut ties and go zero-contact. Unless you wanna be in this sad childish game for another 5 years. You will heal from this break up and be able to move on, find yourself again and be okay. It is possible. But a wound can’t heal if you keep tearing it back open again.
So, you went from primary to side piece because you were devastated and she didn’t want to break your heart? She already broke your heart. I know right now you think she’s the love of your life but she is only the love of your youth. You have a long way to go and will love again. Your self respect and pride is just as important as the heartbreak. You don’t deserve to be treated as a secret. You are worth so much more. Please tell the current BF what’s been going on. She cheated on you and on him. She doesn’t deserve you.
Btw, broken things can be repaired…it just takes a lot of time and work and rarely looks the same afterwards. You are strong enough to walk away. You are brave enough to make a new life. Dig deep and find your core of self respect. You got this.
Wow! That does not sound like love to me my friend. I vote move on. It will be hard of but this is super toxic and you deserve better. It’s not love.. it just isn’t and sometimes your “heart” will lead you astray follow the logic. Good Luck!
So much to unpack here.
“She won’t see me… she broke up with me…I’ll propose marriage.”
She’ll meet with me in secret and cheat on her new boyfriend (whom she moved into the home after you left) with me and dangles the possibility of getting back together in front of you… but she’s the love of your life?
Are you reading what you’re writing?
Dude.
She moved that guy in really quick, meaning she either was cheating on you already or she makes bad, rash decisions.
You are the backup plan.
Go no contact. Lose her number.
Then get therapy. Lots of it.
She cheated on you with him, and now she’s cheating on him with you. You still want to settle down with someone like her? My friend, you are nothing but her doormat. She doesn’t love either of you, she just enjoys the attention. It won’t be long before she starts dating a third guy. Move on.
Bro why are you doing this to yourself? Shove your spine back in place and move the fuck on. Cut contact. Block. Find someone worth your time.
Your name wouldn’t happen to be Mat, would it? A Door, Mat?
Yikes dude. Getting told “don’t hold on to hope of getting back together” from an ex, then ***proposing*** was a heck of a choice.
You are getting strung along, my man. She has her cake and can eat it too.None of this is going to change. She’s gonna stay with that dude. And you’re gonna stay strung along like a lovesick puppy as she tells you all the things she needs to in order to keep you around>
​
>But there was always this thing that she couldn’t dump her new bf. She said she couldn’t break another heart, she’s not ready for the emotionally. She said her new bf is perfect and she couldn’t give him a proper reason for a break up. At the same time though, she said countless times that she loves me, and everything was much better with me, and she can only imagine her life with me.
Edit: forgot to add this the first time. So you should realize that “I love someone else, everything was better with him, and I can only imagine my life with him” are all REALLY GOOD reasons for breaking up. C’mon, dude. a “proper reason” lmao. She couldn’t give him a reason because she had no intention of doing it at all.
​
>she decided that she’s gonna dump him, she gave herself three weeks. That three week were a few days ago, she didn’t do it. I am devastated once again and I’m not sure what to do. She still told me to wait for her, and that she loves me. And that she hopes we can still be together in the future.
*shocked Pikachu face* imagine that! She ~~couldn’t~~ wouldn’t do it!
Good lord, man. Find some self-respect, please. She’s not gonna dump that dude. You actually *believe* “I just couldn’t break another heart!”? Cmon dude. She has no intention of breaking up with him. For not wanting to “break another heart” she doesn’t seem to have any trouble trampling all over yours.
Why are you pining so hard for someone who even in the best-case scenario only considers you an *option?* Particularly when you consider her the *only* option?
I mean I know the answer: because you’re in love and being stupid. But she is showing you exactly who she is right now, and you are just….ignoring it in favor of who you *want* her to be. (Which is doubly odd, since you describe her as your “almost fiancee” but the situation you describe is “girl for whom I am a side piece she uses to get attention/validation”. Know what else isn’t going to happen on a deadline – whether she sets it or you do?- an answer to your proposal. Man you just gave her the S-tier version of “string him along forEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR”
She can “I’m just not ready to answer yet” ad infinitum and your dumb, in love ass will let her.
Just cut your losses, my man. She’s not yours, and not gonna be. You are just looking like a fool at this point.
You both sound like garbage. Her for cheating and you for being her side piece while she is with someone else. Tell her boyfriend, ghost her and fucking grow a pair