How do you get over anger?

15 comments

1. I’m still trying to figure it out.

   But 2 years of therapy has helped significantly. Turns out my anger was just a secondary emotion to being hurt, sad, disappointed, frustrated etc. It’d been such a big part of my life that I instantly jumped to anger instead of letting myself sit in the real emotion.

   Now – I ask for space. It helps me to think of my goal with this person. A lot of my anger happens in relational conflicts. If I want to maintain a relationship, we need to find a way through this. So being angry forever won’t solve it. It puts things in perspective for me.

   I think of the person I want to be and how she would handle this situation. (E.g., name the emotion, express how I’m feeling, tackle this conversation in a calm manner, walk away if this is some one-off incident, apologize if I was hurtful when worked up etc etc).

   Then I take steps to get there. When I’m in a good place to reflect, I try to identify the primary emotion and why I felt it. What nerve did it hit? Eventually have a discussion and let the other person know where I’m coming from. Take accountability for anything hurtful I may have done.

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4. I‘m not great at it yet but I find going for a run when I most feel like screaming at someone helps get that aggression out so I can think clearly and act the way I want to. Space helps sometimes and while I mostly want to talk through things straight away, I now know that I can/should only do that when I am in a place to remain calm even if the conversation isn’t going the way I would hope it would. Otherwise it’s just a cycle of calming down just enough to no longer be boiling only to immediately resume boiling when they say something unfortunate.

5. I’ll let you know once I’m over my current angry situation. 😂 but I find it very difficult and normally would ignore the person and remove myself from the situation.

6. Going for a jog and working out, I usually go for weight training, shadow boxing and standing abs. Following it with a relaxing shower and some gaming or a nap tends to help me a lot with my initial feelings of anger and frustration.

   For longer term issues, I have a great psychiatrist that helps me with cognitive behavioural therapy.

7. Therapy.

8. I usually use humor to deal with anger. I have anger issues and humor has been the most effective way to deal with it since I was very young.

   Other than that, speaking with other people about what made me angry also helps.

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10. Never never never never EVER take decisions while angry.

    Anger is the epítome of irrationality. It’s when you can do and say things you can regret immensely later.

    Anger is never justifiable by storms in teacups. The old don’t sweat the small stuff. If you have to be angry, redirect that force to defend *values*.

    You should be able to find online a text by Roman philosopher Seneca called “On Anger”. Infinitely cheaper than therapy and more efficient.

11. I let myself feel it for a while, and write in my journal for a bit, and then I usually feel better.

12. I almost never get over anger, i sit there and i stew and stew, a way i help it a bit is writing, poetry, stories, thought dumps, etc. It really helps me but in the end whether it’s a day or a month or two i always have a mental break. But writing helps lessen it, make the emotions less harsh in a way

13. HALT.

    Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. Am I a dry because I haven’t eaten anything and need some nutrients? Am I angry because something inconvenienced me or frustrated me? Am I lonely, have I seen my friends lately or not seen my SO in a long time so being alone is driving me crazy? And I angry because I didn’t sleep well or enough?

    Once you know what causing it, it’s easier to figure out how to cool off or calm down quicker.

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15. I always try to breathe before I say something. I know that sounds stupid but my words have gotten me into trouble before. I try to think about why I’m angry in the first place. Last night for example, I was trying to make dinner around 7 for my husband, my 8 and 9 year old, and myself. My husband was sitting in his chair playing Zelda on the switch. My 9 year old wanted an early bath so I could do her hair after dinner.

    I was behind on errands yesterday, so I didn’t fold and put the towels away. So I run her a bath, go flip my husband’s steak, fold the laundry and get towels and pajamas ready, then turn off the bath. After that, I remembered the steak. I yelled out to my husband and asked him to flip his steak. He got irritated with me and I almost snapped. But that has never served me well in the past.

    I thought about a conversation I had with him earlier where he was telling me about his day. He’s a maintenance supervisor for an apartment complex and he is always super busy. That day, he hadn’t been able to get much accomplished as he was being pulled into a bunch of different directions all at once. I felt exactly the same. So that’s what I said. I said, “Hey, remember how you were feeling earlier with the guys at work? That’s how I’m feeling right now.” And you could literally see it click. Before, I would have just gotten irritated, taken it out on everyone, and angry cleaned before going to bed pissed off. We both instantly calmed down, and he took the hint and started helping lol.

    I guess I get over anger by trying to minimize the anger as much as possible then deal with in the most leveled way possible lol. I had 2 years of therapy and I feel like a new person.