I would have a core group of friends that hung out with each other often but at the end of the day they would each all have different friend groups to hang with as well. Except me. I would always just be waiting for them to get back to hanging all together again. Elementary, middle, highschool, every single friend group
I’d say most of why this happens is because I have a hard time reaching out to others. Most of the time I am content with being alone for a long long time. I am a huuuge introvert. Until I’m not. Then I look around me and my friends are more distant and hard to relate and talk to. I’m just a terrible friend.
When I got into college I finally found a solid friend group that I were I felt like I belonged. We lived together as roommates and were practically attached to the hips. Then the pandemic happened. We each became more distant, physically and emotionally. I just withdrew into my hobbies to cope. In the meantime they became closer to their classmates (had the same classes and major).
In our last year, we started living with and seeing each other again. It was kinda normal. Then we graduated.
We would still talk in our group chat, send memes and all that, but is slowly grown more infrequent. They have a separate group chat with their classmates from the same major, and from what I hear they talk everyday. I still visit one of my friends that lives two hours away but the other I barely talk to. Anything new that goes on in her life I get to hear it through the other friend.
I pretend that I’m happy for them and that it doesn’t bother me.
But I won’t lie here. I’m jealous. I feel so pathetic, all over again like highschool. It’s hard for me to keep and make new friends. Eventually I feel like I’m going to lose them and end up all alone again. Everytime I want to reach out I get a mental block and overwhelming anxiety. What do I even say to them anymore, I feel like our interests have diverged so much that I can’t keep a conversation flowing.
I’m so alone.
5 comments
LOL, same. Just sit at home waiting for an invite one day.. occasionally, I would initiate the gathering these days in order to get out. Perhaps you can try that and just catch up. It’s really bothersome with social media, since you can watch your friends be out with their friends. Exactly as you compared it, it is like high school all over again.
Have you ever considered making friends based on activities rather than sticking with a core group of people? You mentioned really getting into your hobbies, is there any chance of a social aspect from that?
I could definitely relate. But things change. I’d rather have what we both have right now. Probably too much work to invest my time. Honestly, never was good at it
I relate to this so fucking hard tbh.
You’re not alone!!!!