Girl I’m dating (21F)(20M) cries very easily and keeps on apologizing

25 comments

1. Frequent apologies are telltale of childhood trauma, be gentle to her if you want to keep her.

2. That might mean she’s been in abusive relationships where she felt bullied or victimised, and/or is naturally very sensitive and feels hurt easily, or her filter on life makes her see it that way.

   You shouldn’t feel manipulated into apologising just to make someone feel better. If you’re not being abusive (can be hard to see in yourself), the concern is that at some point the mud sticks. Think about whether you’re prepared to accept that risk.

3. I’d leave

4. Have you guys talked about this?

5. So I am an extremely emotional person. My husband literally calls me his weepy wife. I’ve just always cried easy. Nothing has ever helped although I did find that birth control made it 10X worse. At first I think it was an adjustment because he had never dated someone like that. But I think he realized it wasn’t being caused by him and its just how I was. It doesn’t bother him anymore. But if you think it’s something that would bother you long term then you should probably break up.

6. She is not emotionally healthy enough for a relationship. Break up with her and advise her to get therapy. Don’t date broken people. Your gf should not be a charity case or a project

7. She sounds like she really needs a helpful therapist. She will benefit from that, and it’ll take pressure off of you. You can be kind and caring to her, but you aren’t her punching bag or her “mom” for all of her emotions. She also cannot rely on you for her sole happiness, lashing out whenever she doesn’t get what she wants and then is crying again and again… that’s not healthy It will get very draining over time on you if she doesn’t get the help she needs.

8. >*What would u guys do if u guys were me and any advices?*

   I’d break up. You’re incompatible. You’re young, you’ll date many women before you find the right one. This young woman is not the right one for you.

9. You don’t really like her. You feel responsible. You already have to tiptoe around her.

   If she self harms or gets suicidal, it’s her problem to solve. That worry in itself is a reason you should bail.

10. Reads like she is dealing with some unresolved trauma. I’d suggest she get some therapy.

11. The 2 of you do not sound compatiable!

12. This is a trauma response, I share this too. Or, I did before I got therapy.

    What I say next might seem harsh and just know that I don’t mean it that way.

    You are being manipulated to apologize in order to get her to stop crying. Only you can answer if what you said or did was abusive.

    While her trauma is real and valid, it doesn’t give her the right to manipulate you with emotions. Even if she isn’t aware that’s what she is doing, it’s still not something you should put up with.

    When you are both calm, let her know that you care for her but you are not equipped to help her through these things. You can be there for her but she needs to speak with a professional who can help her process her trauma.

    This might be hard for her to hear but she needs to hear it. Right now her coping mechanism is to cry to get you to apologize and then do it again. That’s not healthy for either of you.

    Talking with a psychologist does not make her crazy. I wish people would stop perpetuating that harmful stereotype. Nor does taking medication to help with your mental health make you crazy. In fact, it helps keep you in check. Many of us need some additional help and that’s okay.

    What’s crazy is manipulating your SO to get what you want and never processing your trauma so you can be a healthy person and partner.

    You are also not responsible for her actions, I say this in relation to self harm. Some people will threaten self harm to keep people from breaking up with them or to keep from being told to see a psychologist. Just know, this is a manipulation tactic and not healthy at all.

    I would even let the person know “If you threaten self harm I will have no choice but to call and report this so you get the help you need.”. Don’t play that game because you will always lose.

13. She needs a therapist, not a boyfriend.

14. It’s better than being jaded and hardened like I am, i never cry nor I deal with being emotionally neglected as a kid. My boyfriend cries a lot and tells me how he feels every five minutes. I wish I could do that too but I’m just dead inside

15. Therapy is extremely important. Maybe even couples therapy so you can help each other grow.

16. It sounds like trauma. She needs to be actively working on healing or this can get toxic fast.

17. I’ve been through this and if she doesn’t get help over time it’s gonna get extremely frustrating because everything is going to feel like your fault and if you have feelings they start crying and making it about them and I’m not saying she will do that but I know a lot of people like this and it is where it usually went and it was very toxic and frustrating.

18. Does she not like touch? I wouldnt apologize if u did nothing wrong.

19. Find someone you’re compatible with?

20. I mean…does she really cry a lot or do you just think she cries a lot? I’m on the spectrum and whenever I get mad I cry. At movies, I cry. If my kid says something sweet I cry. When I’m really sad, I cry.

    It weirded my husband out at first but it’s not personal, and he’s over it.

    I don’t think it’s weird to not want to be touched by strangers, either…gives me the heebs…so maybe just treat it like a personality trait. If you can deal then stay, if you can’t, break up.

    I dated a guy who always thought I was emotionally manipulating him by crying. I also cry when I’m by myself…so…no. I’m glad we broke up.

21. You could ask her what she would like you to do… “ I noticed that you cry a little more than the average person, and I wanted to ask you how you would like me to handle it… would you like some comfort or would you like me to not to make a big deal about it or some of each?”

22. You two don’t sound compatible. Find a woman who isn’t an emotional wreck that is more compatible with you. You will be MUCH happier.

23. She needs therapy, not a partner.

24. She needs therapy. You sound like total opposites. This can work well if you balance each other out. However, if one partner is overwhelmingly introvert and the other overwhelming extrovert it might cause problems where instead of a balance it’s a clash.

    It might be that at this time you are not in the most compatible relationship.

    You are young, she does need therapy or counselling, only you can decide if you can cope with her emotions and support her.

25. Whatever her problems are (I would put my money on unresolved trauma), you two are incompatible.

    End the relationship now, before it goes any farther.