TL/DR at the end
My (F21) boyfriend (M22) promised my mom and stepdad that he would prepare a steak for all of us last Friday but in the end said he didn’t have money for it so we decided to make something with chicken and split the bill between the two of us, without telling my mom cause he would’ve been ashamed.
My mom was a bit disappointed when i told her (especially cause she didn’t know the real reason behind it) cause my stepdad likes steak and was looking forward to it a lot. My boyfriend already got annoyed with this but agreed to make a steak for my stepdad only. Now, since my mom didn’t know the reason my boyfriend didn’t make a steak for all of us, she asked if he could make one for my brother (M13) too since he likes steak as well and he was making one for my stepdad anyway.
I told my boyfriend about this and said I would pay for my brother’s piece of meat. But my boyfriend got furious and refused to make my brother a steak because he said my brother is a child and doesn’t appreciate all the flavours and herbs he puts on the meat. He also said that the only reason my brother likes the steak is because my stepdad likes it and that was another reason he refused to make it for him. He said my brother doesn’t deserve steak and should eat chicken like the rest (my mom, my sister and I don’t really like the steak so we prefered chicken anyway). He then called my brother spoiled because he doesn’t help enough around the house and gets a lot of presents from our parents.
I got very angry and hurt by this, especially cause then he refused to come and cook all together and i had to explain my parents why he doesn’t wanna come.
My mom did spoil my brother (M13) a bit but he is still a very good child and he does help around the house. He isn’t problematic and he has never done anything wrong to my boyfriend (not to my knowledge anyway). I might be subjective cause he’s my brother but i genuinely think he’s just like most boys his age.
Me and my family have done a lot for my boyfriend in the past, we helped him and were there for him when he had problems and when he was struggling (talking about financial help, giving him a place to sleep, food… all for free and no one ever asked anything in return). So that is another reason why i got hurt. He should’ve come and cooked out of respect for my parents and everything they have done for him.
I do understand his point of view and what he means but he made such a big trouble because of it that i think was unnecessary. But I wanted to hear someone else’s opinion too in case i might be too subjective and i don’t wanna keep fighting with him if i’m wrong.
TL/DR: My (F21) boyfriend (M22) was preparing a steak for my stepdad and refused to make one for my brother (M13) because “he doesn’t appreciate all the flavours in it” and likes the steak only cause he’s copying my stepdad. I said i would pay for my brother’s steak and asked him if he could still make it but he then refused to cook for everyone altogether. I got angry cause i thought his reasons were silly but i wanna hear what other people think too in case i’m too subjective.
8 comments
Your boyfriend is being immature and disrespectful. If he can’t handle cooking for everyone, he shouldn’t have made promises to your family in the first place. Regardless of whether or not your brother appreciates the flavors, it’s not your boyfriend’s place to decide who “deserves” steak. You deserve better than this kind of behavior from a partner.
“My boyfriend is a shitass who doesn’t respect my family.”
I really can’t decide, which of all the bs he said, is the most outrageous. Maybe, because the worst part could be, that all this drama was a result of him not being good for his word. Or is it his ingratitude? I am torn.
In all honesty? I think this particular instance makes your bf come across as a jerk. Im not saying he is, i have no idea what the rest of your relationship is like. But this makes him sound like a jerk, and (speaking as someone whos been there) him asking you to lie to your family to cover for him is pretty shitty, too. Im curious how long youve been together.
Your BF sounds cheap and doesn’t keep promises. He could’ve easily told your mom that steaks would be postponed and cook for everyone another day. Or she could’ve bought the steaks. Or he could’ve said: hey not everyone likes steak, maybe i can cook something else. How is the current way not shameful?
He has now made a bad impression on your family, because it now seems that there’s never going to be steak and he hates your brother. With the background that your family has helped him before, he seems extra ungrateful.
You should evaluate the big trouble he made. If he made the steak promise, where did the money go he was supposed to spend on it? It’s something you plan in advance if you invite someone and keep in mind with a (especially if it’s limited) budget. Why is it okay to take help, but not offer thanks?
This is a mess. Everyone should have had steak. Don’t promise steak and then give people chicken …and even worse .. single out one person and give them steak. Such poor etiquette.
You all could have thinly sliced a couple of steaks to make sure everyone had a few pieces and then have ample side dishes, if you could not afford one steak per person.
As far as your boyfriend’s notion that children should not have steak, he is wrong. It’s good to expose children to good food early so they can learn to develop their palate. I will never forget when my mom took my brother and I to a steakhouse when we were in elementary school. She really spoiled us and it was such a memorable treat.
Your boyfriend is acting unreasonable and rude. You both should have been honest about the change in plans and fed everyone the same thing, even if it embarrassed him. Frankly, your BF would have done better to not over-promise and rather just volunteer to make chicken, which most of you prefer, from the beginning… But of course, chicken doesn’t have the Cool Guy factor of steak .
It’s not your bfs best moment I’m sure, but I 100% get why he doesn’t want to cook steak for your brother. It’ll be, can I get ketchup on this, can you cook it longer, urgh look there’s blood, can you wash the herbs off, chew it and spit it out, or refuse entirely.
That would set me off. It’s a thing. Your bf has picked up behaviours you have ceased to notice. There is nothing worse, if you like cooking, than cooking for a picky eater or one without the gratitude or politeness to keep their comments to themselves!
We all have our bugbears. It’s not personal. Do you understand now? Some people abhor elbows on the table, dirty nails etc, others hate that.
Find a day when your brother is absolutely not going to be there and suggest that day.