My ex(f34) and I (m38) have a daughter(f13) from a failed relationship long story short i never got to meet my daughter till she was 7. In the mean time after we split my ex got together with another man and they had a son(m11) together. Well after 7 years together they split up and my ex contacted me saying he manipulated her and wouldn’t allow any contact with me. For the next 5 years we’ve had an on again off again relationship .if it weren’t for my daughter i would of cut ties with her long ago. Anyways during this time 8ve accepted her son as my own and have even taken him when i have my daughter on weekends. I set up a registered education savings plan for both kids and have accumulated around 5-6k per account. But now the ex husband is refusing me visitation to my daughter during the weeks he has her. Would it be wrong of me to use the money set aside for the son to fund my legal bills that im going to have to accure
TL:DR do i use money set aside for a child who isn’t mine to legally fight for a child that is
3 comments
“But now the ex husband is refusing me visitation to my daughter during the weeks he has her.”
You need to explain more about this. Does her ex-husband have some sort of legal custody of your biological daughter? Or do you mean that the mother of your daughter is back together with her and ex and now refusing to allow you visitation during the times that your daughter is with her mother?
If I’m understanding correctly:
1. You had a daughter with someone around the time that woman was 21 and you were 25.
2. You and that person broke-up. You were not allowed access to your daughter even once and presumably either didn’t fight for that access for 7 years or didn’t know of her existence.
3. That person dated someone else and ultimately had a child with him. They were together for the first 7 years of your daughter’s life during which time you did not see your daughter once.
4. After 7 years they broke up.
5. Your ex then contacted you and allowed you some access to your daughter. Was legal custody ever established?
6. You and your ex were on and off for years. For 5 years you pretending that your daughter’s half brother was your son as well. Where was his father when this was happening? Did he also have custody, was he uninterested, or was the mother refusing him custody while dropping him off with you?
7. During that time your daughter and her half-brother would visit you on weekends. Your established college funds for both of them. The relationship with your ex continued to be unstable and you fully admit you were only with her because of your daughter.
8. Now the father of your daughter’s half brother somehow has time that he is spending with your daughter and, during that time, won’t allow you to visit.
9. So you’re planning on taking this to court, but want to drain the money you’ve saved for a child you claim to see as your own to do so, likely because you are starting to recognize (very late in the game) that this child isn’t yours at all.
All of this sounds incredibly unstable for the two children involved and like a whole lot is missing here. Including how your ex’s ex somehow has custody of your daughter for “the weeks he has her.” Were they married when you daughter was born/ is he her legal father? Are they back together/ is this really that her mother isn’t allowing visitation during time your daughter is spending with her mother and her mother’s partner? How does he have custody of your daughter for weeks? When you ask for visitation are you wanting to spend time with your daughter during times that she is with another legal guardian (him or her mother)? Do you still have custody at times (such as the weekends you mention) on top of the additional visitation you are seeking or have you somehow lost all custody? Did you ever have it in the first place or were you just taking your daughter and another child you had no biological or legal ties to on weekends? What is your plan for the boy that you have been taking care of every weekend for 5 years? Are you still in his mother’s life? Will you still be in his? Or is that over and done with?
It’s hard to give advice without fully understanding the context of how you got in this mess in the first place and what it is you are actually seeking. Because this reads a lot like this man has some custodial rights to your child, as do you, and that you want to be able to come over and see her during his parenting time. It also reads like you are competing with this man/ blaming him for whatever is happening when the more likely issue is that the mother of both of these children is expecting whatever man she is with to playact at being father to both of the children, despite those relationships not being very stable.
It’s hard to see why you should have visitation with your daughter when she is with her legal father who has 50/50 custody of her. If your ex wants to share her custody time with you, she can, but he certainly doesn’t have to.
By all means, consult a good lawyer as to whether you have any option to fight for some sort of three way custody split. But find a way of doing it that doesn’t take away from the future of either child you’ve set up educational savings for. If you can’t afford a lawyer consultation, you really can’t afford the cost of 1/3 of supporting a child, and any back child support that might become part of this, so don’t start down this path.
It’s not the child’s fault so no you shouldn’t take the money away.