I’ve been seeing a woman for a few months. Her and I were very clear in the beginning that it’d just be casual and nothing serious would come of it. All seemed well until I noticed a few warning signs: she’d text me more often, ask my whereabouts, my ideal type etc. She’s even asked on more than one occasion why it is I did not want to be in a relationship. My view on the situation is that for the most part, relationships seem to be very one sided. It just feels like I have to put in more effort for the same output.
In all my past relationships, I’ve felt like I’ve had to put effort into getting to know woman, her interests & hobbies, her thoughts on one matter, her feelings on another, while there was very little effort on their part to really get to know me. To me it just felt like sex was used as a replacement for all forms of intimacy and I partly believe that this is across the board on why men are more reluctant to want serious relationships.
I explained my reasoning behind why I didn’t want a relationship and she called me a scumbag that only wanted to use women. I don’t see it that way but of course I have a level of bias. I’d love to meet a woman that would like to get to know me on a intimate level but that seems very unlikely based on my past experiences and even this current one. Should I stop expecting to get into casual relationships all together because they always seem to lead to this ending and I’m starting to think that I need to reevaluate my stance on dating as a whole. TIA
4 comments
Seems like you met a woman who actually wants to get to know you and it annoys you. Rather than reevaluating your “stance” how about you reevaluate yourself?
dude, she’s trying to get to know you?? is that not exactly what you want?? or at least help her out and tell her more about yourself. she’s putting in effort.
If casual was all that you wanted in this whole ordeal, why not stop hanging out with her since you’re obviously not in the same page anymore and she’d be violating the boundary you both agreed on in the beginning . Granted this particular woman, although she does seem to want to connect more intimately, is poor at communicating it effectively and seems to want to simply model your ideal type in the hopes of maybe changing your mind about being casual. This doesn’t seem like a good situation for either of you; better call it off now.
Beyond this particular relationship, the weird part is that you’re expecting to meet someone that would “ask the right questions to get to know you” while offering only a casual relationship upfront and holding out on everyone; you’re shooting your chances in the foot there. What’s worse is you then turn around and becry that “no one wants to truly be intimately involved with you” when you purposely set yourself up for that. That is where you sort of come off as a “scum” (not justifying the comment, just trying to make you look on the other side). You could come across as some “playboy that wants to fuck around in lieu of his commitment issues but wants someone reserved for backup” given your strategy and the fact that you’re stringing her along.
Some woman want commitment up front, you want to get to know a woman first before committing, to some it would appear that you just don’t want to commit and if you have slept with her may be seen as a player/scumbag. My advice when dating a woman if after 4 months you don’t see herself getting to know you on a deeper level just write her off as not being what you want and cut them lose/be only a friend. If you are getting intimate with a woman under the guise that if they push the right buttons and get to “know you on a deeper level”, without any actual intention to do so, and without properly communicating what that entails, then she would be correct you are a scumbag.