I am 22 y.o. and about a two years ago I discovered that I am bisexual. It alstarted slowly with watching bi and gay porn videos and then trying something with another guy irl.
My first experience was great And followed by many more, I enjoyed all of it.
But here is a deal. I am tall, atletic, muscular and 6 ft tall. And I love that. I love that I look like a viking warrior and girls see me as a big strong man. But in our society, big strong man is always hetero.
So when I am bisexual, I feel ashamed of it. I can’t tell to any girl, because from my past experiences the girls were pretty shocked by it and said that it looks weird, when tall muscular guy is doing gay stuff.
My question is, if there is someone with similar experience and just how do you deal with it. I know that it is just my fragile male ego and it is kind of a toxic masculinity, wanting to be seen as a big strong man. But I can’t help it, I want to be seen like that, but I also want to be open and enjoy my bisexual side. But sometimes I just wish that I was straight and all of my problems would be gone.
17 comments
To me, a bi woman, you sound perfect. There is absolutely no sense in assuming all men who are attracted to men have to be feminine- there are loads of muscular gay/bi guys, there are bears… If anybody is shocked then they lack maturity. Biphobia is horrific and a real problem but the bi community is a big place and plenty of people in here will see you the way I do.
relax…in about 20 years you’ll stop caring what people think and just be yourself
I have found that most women are not interested in seeing me as a bisexual being, but that is what I am. I generally dont tell people I am bi unless it becomes relevant to the conversation. This works out well, because new people have to learn that about me, and by that time they know enough to not treat me any different from when they assumed I was straight. It is fun to see people rethink that assumption.
Also, if you want to be seen as strong, you better not walk around afraid anyone can read on your walk that you have desires for men. You seem not too confident in this aspect of yourself, and people (especially women) can smell low confidence from miles away. Imo the best way forward for you is to find some confidence in your sexuality without worrying what others think, and that is what being strong means
Well first off, congrats on experimenting and having good encounters, if you spend a little time on this sub you’ll find out people are generally not so fortunate!
Is the shame based on what you’re feeling or fear of what people are going to think of you if you tell them about it? One you can work on and eventually get a handle on, the other is much harder. And the fact that you’re still a very young guy whos still figuring out life, let alone himself doesn’t make it easier. Even worse if you’re living in the US with the current climate of open hostility towards anything LGBTQ.
Its a shame that people get so uncomfortable around the idea of two guys kissing let alone just the fact that some people cannot wrap their minds around the idea of a guy being bi. Its usually the bi women that are the only ones that accept bi guys. With an overwhelming majority being what you’ve already experienced.
Theres not much to say except that all you can do is do whats right for you and eventually not give a fuck about what others think of you.
You can be a big, strong, and masculine man, and also be attracted to other men. In fact, as a bisexual woman, I can say that I find men who explore their sexuality very attractive. The fact that you like men doesn’t take anything away from your masculinity, it’s just a nonsense that society has taught us. Have fun, have sex with any gender ever you want, and be whoever you want to be!
I fit this description too bro. Everybody is surprised when I tell them I’m bi. Like other people here I just don’t mention the fact that I’m bi unless im directly asked. Personally, In my experience a lot of the freaky girls this day and age think it’s hot (being the top is hot) But if you’re looking for a good church girl then you’re shit outta luck. If girl rejects you because you’re bi she’s more than likely not your type anyway
The girls who told you it’s weird were wrong, probably never used their brain to think about it and took some stupid prejudice as general fact.
I (cis straight woman) had a bf like you (bi looking very masculine) and I find it totally normal.
It actually makes sense that some bi/gay guys are stereotypicaly masculine looking because a lot of gay/bi guys are attracted to it.
Find people you like. Hopefully they like you back. Befriend them. Fuck them.
Avoid people who don’t like you. They won’t fuck you anyways.
>But in our society, big strong man is always hetero.
I do not have similar experience. But in the past I worked with a lot of relatively high level athletes. This includes some men who fit your description of yourself who were out as gay or bi.
I don’t think there is anything about a man being big and strong that excludes them, or even lessens the chances of them, being bi or gay.
Old straight guy here; whatever tour sexuality I don’t think less of you in the least bit. I simply don’t care a bit. People are different in all kinds of ways and that’s fine. I’m pretty sure the large majority of people younger than me feel the same.
Don’t let the loud haters get to you.
Yeah it’s hard not being be in the majority. But doesn’t mean your wrong.
> My question is, if there is someone with similar experience and just how do you deal with it. I know that it is just my fragile male ego and it is kind of a toxic masculinity, wanting to be seen as a big strong man. But I can’t help it, I want to be seen like that, but I also want to be open and enjoy my bisexual side.
There’s nothing fragile about that all. I hate how people have reinforced this narrative, simply because of a few buzzwords on Twitter. I understand you and don’t think you have said or felt anything wrong at all. Men want to be strong, regardless of why. When did that became bad? Don’t be ashamed of what you are or what you want. 💯
I know that popular culture seems to think women are more flexible sexually, and a lot of swinger culture almosts demands women are all bi and few men are. This is nonsense. I have found most guys, when they feel safe & know I do not find it a turn off, will express some attraction to guys. They just don’t think it’s sexy that they do like guys. They aren’t wrong – it’s slammed in popular culture – think about the legions of conservative politicians getting caught in compromising situations! Those guys are unattractive, but not because they are bi. Because they are lying cheating scum. Any hookup site is flooded with “straight” guys wanting to give and get blowjobs from guys. Anybody who is paying attention has to conclude that a very large subset of men are at least bisexual, even if they do not want relationships with men.
I on the other hand cannot find even the most gorgeous women sexually attractive, wired so straight it’s ridiculous.
You are fine. Be true to yourself, you will find like minded people and you don’t lose your looks advantage just because you like guys and girls. Nothing has changed, right? You are always yourself on the inside and I’d argue that the more open you are, the more attractive you will be. You won’t do better hiding it.
I’m assuming that you might be able to gauge a woman’s reaction by first asking if she’s the kind to watch gay erotica. Some women do find it hot.
The good news is plenty of women genuinely don’t care. Usually, if a woman is into male on male action then she’s generally fine with dating a bi.
> I know that it is just my fragile male ego and it is kind of a toxic masculinity, wanting to be seen as a big strong man.
That depends. If you feel like less of a man then I’d like to introduce you to the Spartans.
But if you’re primary concern is that you don’t want to be judged and that you want to find women who will accept you, I don’t think that’s fragile. I think that’s just a practical concern. How are you wrong for not wanting to be judged and trying to thrive in a shitty environment?
I think the best advice is going to come from bi men who’ve been able to thrive.
I’m also a 6ft tall muscular viking warrior looking man, though I’m 44 and heterosexual.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. Just own who you are and don’t give a damn what society thinks. That’s the sort of advice I would give to my 22 year old self if I could go back in time.
Screw people’s perceptions – be your true self and do what makes you happy. I’ve personally never had an issue with any man I’ve been with that was bi or thought less of them because they didn’t match up to societies ideas of how they should be
From another 6’+ muscular STRAIGHT dude…
Own it. You be you. Don’t feel ashamed about it. Also don’t feel pressure to tell anyone you don’t feel comfortable telling. Unless you’re going to be in an open relationship and ‘sleeping around’ then it’s nobody’s business.