What parts of yourself did you have to sacrifice in a previous relationship in order to make your ex happy?

14 comments

1. Knowledge, tbh I don’t know how to put it.

   But back in high school, my ex would get jealous and super mad whenever I got a higher grade than him, he wanted to be superior to me in anyway possible. So to avoid getting yelled at constantly, I would purposely fail some of my subjects so that he could be proud of himself. Now that I’m in university, I realized how messed up that was and how stupid I was to even do that just to fulfill his pride.

2. I had an ex who didn’t like when I looked “too good” if he wasn’t around.

   I wasn’t *allowed* to do my makeup, my hair, nails or dress well – he made me take photos of myself everyday and he told me what to change if he didn’t approve of it.

3. My independence. He had to be with me for everything, didn’t matter if I wanted to go shopping on my own or if it was a night with my friends. He always had to come too. Then the phone calls were constant and so long. He’d want to be on the phone with me while he’s gaming and making no actual effort to talk to me, and if I hung up then he’d just call me back over and over.

4. My desire for friendships. It’s so sad to say that looking back and I truly do still think he’s still a decent guy, but to make him happy I had to be physically and mentally glued to him. It wasn’t healthy and I thank God my friends were still there a year later when I finally ended things with him.

5. Being outspoken, having emotions (even being too happy was an issue), my sense of fashion (anything that wasn’t a neutral color was looking for attention), being too passionate about anything was a problem.

   The ideal was to blend into the background of any given situation. If you didn’t do that, you paid.

   Also, you had to anticipate how he would feel about certain things and decide whether he wanted things he said he wanted. Because if you believed him and he didn’t actually want it, he would maintain it was a joke and you should have known better.

   And you had to be totally independent and not depend on him for anything, even weekend plans, but you had to be available for him to see you when he wanted to because he didn’t really have many friends outside of you.

6. Fucking everything lol he seemed to criticize everything about me and what I liked

7. My sense of self.

   I thought I was clear at the start of our relationship that I was an independent child free woman who wanted to climb the ladder at my job and travel the world. Turns out he wanted an uber-feminine, barefoot pregnant live-in domestic servant, and figured he would play the long game and try to wear me down and mold me into his ideal.

8. Wanting to just do fun things together. If it didn’t involve having sex, eating food or smoking weed, he was not interested.

9. Everything. If I was being too goofy, I was acting childish. Don’t do that. I wasn’t allowed to wear my knee high boots to work. I was only allowed to wear them when he was around, you know because wearing them meant I was trying to attract the attention of other men. I had to call him the minute I got home from leaving his house. At the time I thought it was because he wanted to be sure I got home safe. Later I realized it was so he could time me and question me why it took 5 minutes longer than it normally would. He didn’t want me talking to other men, even if they were my relatives because they might “want me”. So I stopped acting goofy, stopped wearing my boots, called him when I got home every night, and didn’t talk to other men. That relationship didn’t last long, he tried to control me and suppress my awesomeness. Forget that noise.

10. All of me

11. When I dated a single dad, I had to sacrifice our alone time because we were never alone because his young child was there. And he was playing his xbox and left me there like a babysitter. So I wasn’t having sex or getting paid so kind of a bad deal!

12. My sanity.

13. Having emotional needs

14. Crop tops, short shorts, most contact with specific friends, for my first boyfriend.

    For my second boyfriend, going on day trips, because he didn’t want to go anywhere and complained loudly about how happy I was to be with my friends on adventures.

    For my third boyfriend, nothing. He was perfect on paper and genuinely good.

    For my fiancé, only the parts of myself that hurt me. I want a long life with him, so it’s not a sacrifice to treat my life like it matters, to look after my health, and to be more thoughtful about who I’m becoming.