Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years now. We met in high school when I was a sophomore and he was a junior. He graduated a year before I did and enlisted in the National Guard. I work at my uncle’s bank, and the both of us make very good money. I graduate this May, and I want to go to Med Trade School, and study to be a radiologist technician. My grandmother knows that we have been together for quite sometime, and has commented multiple times that he should take advantage of his benefits in the Guard and settle down. Get his finances and his life together. Not to long ago, she sat us down, and had a conversation with us, in which she suggested that we get married after I graduate. My boyfriend is definitely all for it, and agrees with my grandmother. However, I just don’t feel comfortable marry him after only 3 years. Especially at such a young age.
Keep in mind, I do love him. He has been my whole world these past few years. We support and help each other. We’ve been there for each other through thick and thin.
But I think it’s too soon to tie the knot.
Also, my boyfriend is a fun, yet responsible man. He doesn’t do anything stupid. Meanwhile I am a more conservative person, who likes to be sure of every decision I make.
What do you think?
27 comments
An 18 year old isn’t a “man” his balls barely just dropped.
Way too young. Give it 10 years. People grow and change so much in their 20’s and you’re not even there yet.
You are correct that you are too young and it is too early in a relationship to get married. Do not let anyone pressure you into huge, life changing decisions that you don’t want to do.
God no.
Don’t worry about what gam gam says.
You go and tell your boyfriend:
>I love you, and I want us to work. But we need to take our relationship one step at a time.
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>We are not even 20 yet and contemplating the idea of marriage.
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>Our lives are hardly put together right now and marriage is a huge mature step.
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>I don’t feel like I am at that level of maturity yet.
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>I am not rushing into something that I am not ready for.
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>This does not mean I don’t love you or I don’t want us to be married.
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>But we’re going to do it when we are mature enough to handle it.
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>I… We, need more time.
And why is your grandma sitting you down trying to dictate one of the biggest decisions of your life.
Never get married because you feel pressured, literally asking for a disaster.
What would a 19m boy settle down FROM????
Your Grandma needs to mind her own business. She literally was married two generations ago, the world is a completely different place. You’re a long way from finding your path in life, go study, travel and make memories. When you’re ready then get married and definitely not because an old lady demands it.
Your grandmother, while means well, comes from a different time. She also isn’t taking into account your readiness and personal comfort. She wants you to be happy, of course, but that doesn’t mean she knows best. Take your time and get married when YOU are ready for it, not when anyone else is telling you to.
And as a note: I didn’t get married until I was 40. I didn’t waste my life. I wouldn’y have it any other way, and neither would my wife.
Absolutely worst advice EVER. Do your own research on how many knee-jerk military marriages end in divorce after 1 or 2 years. How many teen marriages end in divorce. How many marriages end in divorce.
Hell no. You go to med school, secure your own INDEPENDENT future and then consider if you want to marry this guy (I’m willing to bet that you won’t even be together in a couple of years).
You are both very, very young, and you both have a lot of growing up to do. Have either of you lived independently for a significant amount of time? Have you mastered housekeeping and homemaking? Handling budgets and expenses? Time management? Do you truly know what you prefer in terms of being in your own living space? For example, do you want friends coming over at all hours? Do you need a lot of quiet time? Do you want to be able to blast your music? Are you somewhat strict about your bed time? You need to be your own adult before you can get married. Too many people rush into marriages when they don’t know how to be adults, they wind up dependent on their spouses, they don’t complete their educations or personal life goals, or they never really grow into their own selves.
Benefits are nice and all, but you should have insurance through your parents or your college. The rest of it, the *living* part of all of this is too big to ignore. Listen to your intuition. If he still loves you 5 years from now after you’re done with schooling, saved some money, and have had some time to develop, then maybe visit the idea again. But for now, *wait!!!*
Never get married if you are not 100% sure and wanting it. Don’t let anyone push you against your better judgment. Not even your boyfriend
You’re 18. You have no business getting married. Pursue your education & keep dating your bf. I can’t imagine why your grandma thinks you should get married, but she’s wrong.
if hes enlisted, he does not make good money.
*source. Me. I was enlisted.
Do not get married at 18. You will ruin your life. Seriously. I don’t know a single couple who got married prior to age 25 and are still together. Not one.
Do not do anything you arent ready for. You are in control of your own life, no one else
No no no.
Tether yourself to your dreams, not your teenage boyfriend.
💗
Don’t do it, fam needs to back off and let you make choices yourself
Tell her you want to wait until you can legally partake in your own toasts.
The person you are now, versus in a few years after post secondary will be very very different.If you’re not ready, you’re not ready, and communicate that clearly to your partner that you’re not ready
Your Grandma is stuck in the Olden Days. And you don’t go to Med School to get a technical degree, you go to technical school. You go to Med School to become a doctor.
You are too young to get married. Get your education. Get a career going. Travel, experience life then you will be ready to be a wife and maybe if you choose… a mom.
Sorry, you want to be a Radiologist? Because you said you wanted to go to med school. I realize that isn’t the crux of the topic but Radiologist and Radiology tech are wildly different things and have vastly different implications in terms of schooling, debt, and overall impact on your life. Just want to be clear since you said med school, which is to become a physician.
Don’t do it. Source: I did it myself, on basically the same reasons as you, and deeply regretted it. Ended up divorced at 26, and even that was years later than I should’ve done it.
Take your time. Grow into your own life, skills, tastes, and preferences. Let him do the same. Live together, see if your lifestyles and habits and values align. Keep dating each other and see if it’ll work out-that is literally the *point* of dating.
Absolutely not- and I got married young. Your brain has years of development and change left. You have so much to see and do before you can make an informed decision about your future. This is like asking a 5 year old to commit to a career path based on what a 5 year old knows. Don’t do it.
I say this as someone that has been happily married to my high school sweetheart for more that 20 years:
Pump the brakes. Finish school. Make friends that are completely outside your boyfriend’s circle. Go on friend trips. Learn who YOU are as an individual, not who you are as part of a couple.
If the two of you can go the distance, it will definitely withstand a few more years of dating. If it can’t, then that’s a sign in and of itself.
I wouldn’t recommend marriage until 25
God I’m 26 and don’t even have any prospects for a girlfriend, much less a wife. Your grandmother would hate me lol.
You’re so young. You really don’t know anything. Don’t even think about marriage until you approach 30. Allow yourself to build a proper perspective on life. You don’t really have that yet at your age. Go live your life. See things. Do things. These are the best years for the adventures you want. Eventually you’ll get older, have your marriage(s) & kids and your back will hurt and you can’t do shit without aching so don’t waste this time.