TL;DR My situationship (M23) is on a deployment and he asked me to wait for him. Now he’s not talking to me (F22) regularly anymore. Do I move on?
My situationship (M23) left the country 4 months ago for a deployment. We were pretty much glued by the hip until he had to leave, and we would have started a relationship had it not been for the timing.
He asked me to be his girlfriend before he left. But I decided to say no because we both had just gotten out of a relationship a few months prior and I didn’t think it would be wise emotionally to start a new one while he was in a different country. But we agreed to talk regularly and keep each other posted on our lives until he got home. His job he’s there for is a desk job in a very safe country, so he told me he’d have his phone very often and that keeping up wouldn’t be an issue.
And I told him I’d wait for him because I wanted to. Again, the timing for this was just awful and him leaving was honestly super painful (way more painful than I ever thought it would be leading up to it).
Now, we’re about 4 months in, and I barely hear from him anymore. I keep thinking he’s traveling or sleeping or busy, but he’ll be sharing posts on Facebook or posting on his Snapchat story while leaving me on read. He messaged me a few days ago and was like “hey, sorry I haven’t been keeping up, I just haven’t had the energy”. At first I understood because I know this had to be a difficult adjustment, but I just couldn’t help but think “you don’t have the energy to let me know you’re doing okay but you can be on Facebook and Instagram for hours at a time”?
I’m trying to be sympathetic to the fact that he’s tired. And I also want to make clear that I don’t expect him to message me constantly throughout the day. I just wanted occasional communication. I try to send him good morning texts when he’s probably waking up, but I get left on read. I tell him I’m proud of him, and I get a “thanks”. I don’t know what I did wrong.
Do I need to move on? Would I seem clingy if I bring this up? We have another 5-6 months to go and I don’t know how much longer I can handle this. I feel like an idiot.
5 comments
Saying he doesn’t have the energy makes it sound like he might be depressed, or struggling in some other way.
But regardless of what is going on with him, if you don’t feel 100% like waiting this out, then don’t. The odds that he will come back and you will then have a great relationship are low.
There may be a 100 legitimate reasons why to be on facebook but not having the energy to get something together for a related person. For one, there are times where SM with strangers can be a distraction, while communication with relationships feels like a weight. Happens in civil life, too.
But that doesn’t mean, that this is the case here.
And it doesn’t mean, that you make them your own and wait for him. Neither made a commitment. You can move on.
Sounds like he’s moved on and you should do the same. “Not having the energy” to talk to you clearly means that talking to you is not a priority for him. I sometimes don’t have the energy to clean my house or reply to annoying emails, but I always have energy for my husband because I fucking love him and he’s my number 1.
Work away and deployment situations are tough. It’s up to you if you want to wait. The real question is, is this guy worth it to you. No wrong answer, only you know.
Move on. He’s not putting any effort in.