I’ve been dating a guy for about 3 months now. He is really sweet and caring for sure. I think he did a lot to impress me in the beginning and also his social media accounts give off the vibe that he is living much better than he truly is. He has a really nice car also but I am finding out his priorities are not straight.
First I must say I am a career oriented woman and I definitely value having a partner who is the same and one who is ambitious. The future I envision for myself is very important.
I believe too many red flags are starting to creep in. He seems comfortable with his current job/situation even though it’s in the lower end of pay for the type of degree he has. He makes about 20k less than me which is not a huge issue. However, I ask him what he’s doing on weekends when we’re not hanging and he’s usually playing video games or just watching sports with friends. I’m not against leisure time but never working towards any goals in your free time is not okay with me. I am just noticing a lack of ambition that may not work with me long term. At the age of 30 I’d expect him to have more to offer me. Also when we hang out he is constantly on his phone, tweeting or scrolling through Instagram stories. I usually date older guys because they’re not overly invested in social media but he is glued to his phone.. I always have to host him at my apartment because he still lives at home with his parents. I ask him when does he plan on moving out and he always has the same statement.. that he is looking but hasn’t found anything yet. Am I being too hard on him? What would you do.
3 comments
I was on his side until you said parents. He’s not ready
From what I’m reading, sounds like incompatibility issues.
I wanna add that I am 32 and I spend my weekends watching stuff, playing video games, and doing art. I also have a job that I love that is approx. $30k/year and I have no plans to become CEO or anything like that. From what you’ve described, I don’t think I could date someone like you, and you don’t seem to wanna be with someone like us, so I stand by my first sentence; this is an incompatibility issue.
It sounds like he’s not a good fit for you. I have the same mindset as you and I was in a 7yrs relationship with a guy who was 3yrs older than me, he worked a minimum wage job (which could’ve been fine if he had plan for his future), no college degree, no future goals/plan and the only thing he cared about was his hobbies. It didn’t work well. I had many future plans that he had no interest in being a part of. I wanted to get a house, but he was like oh nice, you can do that on your own and I’ll just get to live in a nice house without contributing anything. I realized a long term relationship wouldn’t work if 2 people don’t have the same life goals.
I’ve learned to ask about long term goals, relationship goals very early in the dating stage.