for those of you who live with your partner/spouse: how do you feel about sleeping in separate beds?

28 comments

  3. I ask bc my partner has been sick and coughing and sneezing all night so he slept in the guest room for the past few nights. I have been sleeping so well bc he usually snores and it wakes me up a lot, and he is sleeping better bc he can spread out more. So it got us wondering about doing this more often so we can both sleep better. We have been together over 20 years and love each other a lot, so it’s not bc we want to be apart (I actually miss him lol).

  4. If we could afford a place with another bedroom, we’d be sleeping in separate bedrooms occasionally. My partner is a very light sleeper and we have different sleep schedules so I easily wake him up when I go to bed later than him.

  5. My fiance and I have a system….it makes me feel sad every so often but it works for us at the moment.

    I’m an *extremely* light sleeper. I use a white noise machine and ear plugs every night because my fiance snores really loud. He also falls asleep in 0.5 seconds flat. I swear, I don’t know how the man does it. I’m so jealous lol. That’s pretty much the point where we struggle. If I fall asleep first, I can usually sleep with him at least a few hours. If he falls asleep first, I’m not sleeping.

    Before we lived together, I could usually eventually fall asleep and tough it out for a night or two. I was legit a little terrified about my sleep quality at first when we started talking about living together. After a few horrific nights of no sleep and him denying that he snores (and stops breathing every so often), I crankily snapped and said something has gotta give.

    Our routine now is I go to bed first. We’ll go to bed together and get our chatting/snuggle time in and then he’ll go back out to the living room and play video games or watch a movie. He usually likes staying up later than I do anyway. Sometimes he falls asleep on the couch but usually he’ll come to bed around 4 or 5am and then we’ll get a few hours sleeping in the same bed. Sometimes it bothers me not being able to go to bed at the same time but I’d rather this over no sleep.

    I do really wish he would stop being stubborn and go to a sleep apnea doctor though. It terrifies me. He stops breathing every so often or sounds like he’s choking. When we were in the hospital after I gave birth to our son, at one point in the middle of the night…he was sleeping on the floor and I had to kick him awake because he was choking and wouldn’t wake up when I called to him! Scared the crap out of me.

    Sorry to ramble so much! Oopsie lol.

  6. It works for some. Some people have a hard time sleeping next to other people. They’ll move around too much, not be able to sleep, or someone might be kept awake because of a partner snoring too much. If two beds work for them, I don’t think ill of it.

  7. I’m all for separate bedrooms. I love to read in bed and am awake later. Plus I take up the whole bed and use a heating blanket almost year around because of Fibro. Its gives us both a place of our own while still being close. If we want to be together we know where we are. We both sleep better.

  8. Currently trying to navigate this. I like sharing a bed, being next to my partner makes me feel comfortable. However, we have different preferences that are making it difficult to sleep lately. I stay up later than him, but he doesn’t want to go to bed without me; what ends up happening is I feel guilty, so I lay next to him even though I’d rather being doing other things around the house. I like to fall asleep to noise, he doesn’t. He likes the room cold, I need it warm. He’s a very light sleeper, and although I’m usually not, if he wakes up, I wake up. He just bought a bed for our second bedroom, we’re going to try sleeping separate to see how it goes. I’ve heard for some people it’s saved their relationships, so we might give it a try.

  9. I prefer it. Right now it’s not an option but man do I wish it were. My SO’s sleep schedule is from about 7pm to 3am and my sleep schedule is from 4am to 8am (I usually head up to bed around 1am but my insomnia is severe). I would love for us to have separate beds so we weren’t disturbing each other when heading up to bed.

  11. We have our own bedrooms and have been together for 21 years. The importance of good quality sleep can’t be understated. We had multiple reasons for it really, and ultimately it suits us both.

  12. In general we like sleeping together, but in certain circumstances sleeping separately is great. Like after I had surgery last year I slept by myself to make sure my partner didn’t accidentally hit me. Or when one of us was really sick, or had to sleep at weird hours for whatever reason.

    I also have an additional thing, because I’m polyamorous and live with two partners. We usually all sleep together in one bed, but we have an extra bedroom for when one of us has another partner over that the others aren’t dating.

  13. My husband and I have been together over 13 years and are seriously starting to give the separate beds some thought haha. We love cuddling as we wind down, but my husband is such a light sleeper that (if he’s not in a deep phase of sleep) really ANY movement on my part could wake him up/disrupt his sleep cycle. We’ve definitely opted for hotel rooms with two queen beds vs. one king bed on purpose before!

  15. My spouse and I have done it since the beginning. I have night terrors, but that’s not the only reason. We both simply sleep better alone. My parents did it and my grandparents, too, so it’s normal for me.

  17. Utter my sleeping in the spare room/my office since he was sick 2 weeks ago. We both just sleep so much better. I’m thinking about getting a better bed 😂

  18. Me and my spouse have always slept in separate beds. They snore and we also have different sleep schedules so it never made sense to wake each other up. I tried giving sleeping together a try a couple of times but I always ended up walking up a couple of hours in and switching to my bed.

    To be fair, I have never been able to share a bed with others. As a kid, my cousins would take turns sleeping with grandma when she’d have us for the summer but I always stuck to sleeping in my own bed so maybe I’m just extra weird about co-sleeping.

    I personally think sleeping arrangements should be decided based on what works for an individual couple and you shouldn’t sleep together just because you’re “supposed to”.

  19. My husband and I sleep in separate bedrooms. It doesn’t mean we love each other any less. I’m a night owl; he goes to bed early and gets up early. He snored but now has a CPAP machine. I like to sleep colder than he does.

  20. I think that sleeping in separate beds could solve a host of problems.

    I like a firm mattress, a weighted blanket, and a heated mattress pad. My partner likes a soft mattress, one thin blanket, and no heat. We make it work, but only by both of us being less comfortable. (And making the bed is like assembling a jigsaw puzzle).

    Our long-term plan is to get separate beds, in separate rooms. I’ll miss his snoring, though. (Yes, I’m that rare person who actually enjoys the sound of snoring. Puts me to sleep like a lullaby.)

  21. I’m a fairly new widow and was married for 38 years. The hardest part is going to bed alone. We used to go to bed around 10 but now I often stay up past midnight because I hate going to bed alone. I would give anything to sleep with him again.

  22. I don’t have a partner at the moment but I know if I did I would absolutely go for separate. I’ve never been able to share a bed, I get piping hot from their body heat, I wake up from every little noise or movement they make, and I’m flat out not comfortable with it in general. I might even opt for separate rooms, that way if I wanted to share a bed with them occasionally for any reason, one of us could just head back to our own room anytime.

  23. Husband and I have been together eight years and have always slept separately. We both love it, it works for us.

  24. My cats sleep on the bed and they annoy my husband. We sleep in separate rooms so that he can sleep better. I am also a restless sleeper.

  25. It’s awesome. I love sleeping alone. I sleep so much better. Which means I’m a better human when I’m awake.

  26. My partner has fatigue issues and snores. I sprawl out and toss and tune a lot. We’ve been in separate beds for months and it’s made life so much easier

  27. Been in separate beds and rooms for 7 years and I sometimes miss him so I will go sleep with him in his room, then realize once the snoring begins why we do it. It works for us.together 21 years married for 18.

  28. Sleeping in separate beds when married should be more normalized. I see no reason as to why you should *have* to sleep in the same bed. As long as you love each other and spend time together there’s no need for that

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