My gf(f23) and I(f23) met 7 months ago through a dating app. In the beginning it was like instant connection. As I started getting to know her I found out that she had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship with another girl and they were engaged for 1 year prior to them breaking up. They had a couples page on instagram and that’s how I found out. It’s not like she told me, after that the ex was just always involved. My gf told me at first that they were involved because they shared dogs. I thought it was a dumb excuse but I accepted it. After 2 months of talking I found out that she sent her ex flowers and sent me flowers at the same time on the same day. Her exs note read “you will always be the love of my life” and my note said “be my gf”. I confronted the ex and she told me that she was never going to change and did that their whole relationship but that she loved her and wouldn’t talked down on my gf, I left the conversation as it was because I guess I just was in denial. Obviously I was infuriated when I found out. Somehow I forgave her after a couple of weeks of my gf begging me to stay. December came by and for some reason the ex was still just in communication with her. January came and my gf and I had an argument that for some reason the ex got involved where the ex told me “she will always be in love with me and needed time to mourn our relationship”. I asked my gf why she would say such things and she was basically like “I don’t know”. She promised me to cut her off completely and then made me her official girlfriend. March came by and we were on a trip where I found out that she did not in fact cut her ex off and still talked to her after the argument in January. Towards the end of march I decided to go through her phone while she was taking a nap because my insecurities where driving me crazy and I needed to know. I found messages where my gf was upset that her exs new boyfriend had called her a “wife” and my gf texted to her ex “you know how I feel about you , you know I love you and miss you”. This whole time the ex has had a whole boyfriend btw. I found out and broke up with her. See the thing is throughout the whole relationship my gf would make me so happy. We got along so well, we were basically the same person, same goals, same interests. I truly genuinely loved her and wanted to understand that maybe since it was a long relationship that they just had to be involved. In those messages they talked like friends but her ex would call her cute names and well it was just heartbreaking. Then I found out that after our argument in January she thought I wasn’t going to take her back so she got on tinder to “find comfort in other women”. Her words. I have never been heart broken before I have never been in love. Now my gf says that she just doesn’t understand why she did those things that it’s a lot of unresolved trauma. That she never had a good women figure in her life until I came around and she just didn’t know how to handle it. Before breaking up I was getting ready to move in with her until I found a new place to stay at because financially I was not in a good place. And she offer her home at no cost and it’s just crazy how much she did for me and how much affection she showed me just to do this to me. She always has begged me to stay after any incident I found out. She tells me that it’s not me it’s her basically. But that she’s actively getting help and really wants to change that I put her in her place and she realizes how much help she needs mentally and that she has always loved and cared about me so that if we try again she wants to do it right. It’s going to be 3 weeks and I’m still just in so much pain. I loved her unconditionally but as time has gone by I just cannot shake off everything she did. It replays in my head over and over. I feel insecure even though she tells me I did nothing wrong and I am beautiful and I loved her te best. I just need advice on how to go about this. My heart tells me I love her but my mind tells me she’s never going to change and she did too much harm to me. I’ve seen her twice since the breakup and each time she cries to me about how sorry she is and how she knows she messed up but that she loves me and misses me. Now all I worry about is that she is talking to her ex still and or finding other women to get her comfort. I consider this cheating even though it was nothing physically I found out. Give me advice and thank you for reading.
TLDR: my gf cheated on me after dating for 7 months on the ex I was worried about at the beginning. I don’t know wether to believe her now.
6 comments
She may change, but it would take time, besides you leaving her could serve as motivation for her to not destroy her next relationship. So yes leaving is the best choice.
She doesn’t love you. You’re a rebound. She’s still in love with her ex and hasn’t moved on. You deserve better than this. Dump her for good. Block her.
You don’t love unconditionally.
You love under the condition that your gf doesn’t go around cheating on you with exes.
Your gf has some fucking nerve playing the mental trauma card as justification for her shitty behavior. Psychological issues don’t excuse people from being assholes and emotionally damaging people that love them.
Fuck this person. Move on.
When somebody makes a big mistake, I expect them to UNPROMPTED blow up their own shit and way of doing things to prevent the precursors to the problem happening again.
Spare me your words about how it will be different next time, blah blah blah. Make actual changes. Do it without asking what I want done.
In your case she cheated. Problem is, even if she does do all that, and you forgive her, that will cause her to lose respect for you because who can respect a guy who forgives his SO from cheating on him?
Nobody.
And neither will she. And if you don’t respect your SO, then you are going to loose attraction and later romantic love for them.
In this way does a girlfriend cheating kill the relationship in the end, forgiven or not. Your decision, do you dump her now and maintain some dignity, or drag it out, and not be able to look at yourself in the mirror later.
You are the rebound, just step out of that. You are also only 7 months in and already dealing with this?!?! This is the honeymoon stage, the best it will be!
Run.
She’s not going to be “faithful” to you, as in stop talking/wanting to be with the ex. Cut your losses and walk away.