I just got laid off yesterday. While I’m in a state of shock and sadness, I’m also feeling anxious about dating. The job market is so rough at the moment – who knows how long it will take for me to get a new job? As a result, I don’t want to completely put off dating until I find a new gig (which, who knows, could be months from now! Plus I’m a woman, got that biological clock time pressure, blah blah). People who have been laid off – when do you disclose it in the dating process? How do you talk about work? And for those who are still employed, when would you like to know that the person you’re dating was recently let go? Would that make someone less attractive to you?
Thanks all ♥️
Edit: I’m a 33F for reference! And I have a ton in savings and 3ish months severance (thankfully)
34 comments
Maybe ur overthinking it. Being laid off isn’t a character flaw. Do you want someone who would bounce as soon as u got laid off?
The issue isn’t being laid off…. It’s how you’re handling it and whether you are working to rectify it.
You can only control yourself.
I’d talk about it when asked about my job or what I do for work.
ETA, I def wouldn’t let it hold you back. I’ve dated women that were recently laid off. As long as they were actively looking, (or had a good savings to fall back on) it was fine.
I wasted a lot of good years having a cold bed because I kept waiting until i was “ready”, until things were “stable”, etc – finally clued in that there will always be SOMETHING going on and waiting until things are prefect is dumb. Don’t be dumb like me 🙂
Anyways sorry I didn’t answer your q – I recently found myself “funemployed” too, and just put it on my OLD profile so trust the beau to self-select themselves out if that’s an issue for them. I highlight what I’m doing to keep busy (browsing the job market, travel, education, exercise, stock market) and that I have a flexible schedule, so far that seems to be appreciated. I wouldn’t find it less attractive in my matches either, unless they’re long term by choice (and to their detriment), or just being ui riding couch potatoes.
Hope our next gigs are better than the last, and come through sooner rather than later! 🙂
I think it depends on gender.. as a guy if I was laid off I’m pretty sure dating will be near impossible for me. But as a guy if she was unemployed I wouldn’t care too much as long as she’s okay with cheap low cost outings or even cost less dates it doesn’t bother me. I don’t mind paying if the meal is around 20-50$ (this is accounting for both our meals) it’s only when she expects more and more $ that I’ll be annoyed like get a job..
If you need a job to feel comfortable, I think thats what you need to achieve first. It is not neccessary but if i read your post it could be. Same as if it is living on your own or be dept free is for some people.
Take time to configure, it will be worth it.
If you are unemployed I’d guess that dating is, or at least should be, your least concern.
i mean if losing your job causes u to feel anxious then u arnt in a space to date.
31F and employed, I would not be less attracted to a man who had been laid off. Fired with cause — yes, that is unattractive to me. But layoffs can happen to anyone, and I have been there!
Although I will say, I was extremely emotionally unavailable after my own layoff. It was also right at the start of the pandemic, and I used that time to completely switch careers. I didn’t feel good enough to date anyone who “had their shit together,” so to speak. Placing my own value on my career was a personal issue and not rooted in reality.
Definitely take your own mental health into account. If you feel you’d like to wait to date, that’s great. If not, just make sure you aren’t hurting anyone in the process due to time or emotional constraints.
Just hold off on dating until you have your next job.
No, someone is not less attractive because he/she has been laid off. And honestly if the potential partner rejects you for that, he/she doesn’t worth to be with you. I briefly mention my job in the first date, therefore I would mention it in the first date.
Good luck and I wish you all the best finding a new job!
My boyfriend lost his job two months into us dating. I was shocked by the phone call but didn’t really think much of it. He got a job 2 months later.
Yeah I tried explaining how I was unemployed to a guy I went out with and prettttty sure it’s why we didn’t go on date number 2.
I wasn’t anxious abt being unemployed. It suckkkkks but I have the privilege of taking my time. I’ve posted about how hopeless I’ve felt getting ghosted and rejected by jobs but still I know and acknowledge my situation. Anyways I explained how I was taking my time and my entire situation….don’t think he liked it lmao. Oh well 🤷♀️
Rough? I feel like the job market is fantastic right now. I guess it depends on your sector. Don’t let a job loss put you off dating, it can happen to any of us. Most of us will understand.
If I was laid off and jobless, I’d put off dating until I’m more stable. That’s not to say someone will find you less attractive. If you are still looking to date during this time, I’d be upfront about it. Just know, the person you’ll be dating will be cautious of you.
I guess it depends how stressful you find dating vs. job hunting. For me, using the apps is super draining and I don’t know if I would have enough energy to do it while I was applying for things.
But I don’t think there’s any other reason not to go on dates. Getting laid off has become such a normal experience for many.
Ah, well I have had many bad experiences with jobless guys, so I wouldn’t date anyone like that.
Depending on your savings, your budget normally goes in living expenses and close to nothing to dating. Which limits the options on where to go, even for something as simple as a coffee.
Dating is hard and this will only lower your chances.
I would make sure you are properly contextualizing your situation. Do you have money saved up or are you eligible for unemployment such that you can pay your bills? If so, you are not in fiscal distress and have no reason to be insecure about dating. Job hunt, but keep your head high and your eyes open.
I know tech is getting getting pruned, but at least in the US there are many other sectors that are hurting for workers. At worst, you could get a service job that provided some cash flow as you looked for something more permanent. Many employers wouldn’t be put off knowing you will move on in a few months, and be thinking more of those shifts that will be properly staffed at least for a while.
It really pains me to see that you seem to be dependent on your job for your self worth.
You are much more than your job. You are a whole person, I’m assuming with hobbies, friends and outside interests.
Focus on what you can, feel free to say you’re unemployed whenever you’re comfortable, it’s happened to all of us at some point, nothing to be ashamed of.
Your job does not define you.
Not having a job does not define you.
You define you.
I understand people are different, but taking steps to get a new job, and making sure I’d perform well and adapt to the new job would be my priority.
I don’t think I’d be in a good mental health state to try to date bc that would probably would make more anxious. But again, people are different.
That’s just me.
It would depend on the circumstances. If you were laid off but otherwise have had a steady job, that’s fine. But if I discovered over time that someone can’t hold down a job for long, that’s a deal breaker.
If I was laid off with three months of severance pay. You bet I would be dating lmao. It’s not like job hunting will take ALL your time.
I would probably use the first week to feel sorry for myself. Second to update my resume and recommence job hunting mode and then continue dating, go on hikes, check out spots I couldn’t bc i was at work, visit family and friends, and continue living life.
If you think it’s too much pressure to date at the moment then put a pause on it.
I (35f) was laid off at the end of January, also with severance and savings. So I felt like it was actually the perfect time to date. I had time to take care of myself, job hunt, and be flexible with others schedules. The lack of work pressure also let me open myself up and get to know people I may not have gone on dates with before! I was always upfront about it, and continued to carry my share of paying for dates. It worked out really well, got myself a job and a new partner.
I’d wager most (but not all) guys couldn’t care less if you’re unemployed or even have no prospects for that matter. As opposed to how much women usually do care about a man’s career status and prospects.
Would it be nice if a girl worked, just for additional income? Sure. As long as it didn’t stress her out and affect our relationship unnecessarily. But it would have no bearing on my attraction to her and definitely not be a deal breaker.
As a woman, you’re fine. As a man, I’ve done it and it’s harsh sometimes.
If they like you when you’re unemployed then they’re a keeper
I’ll probably get downvoted for saying this, but if you’re a woman, being unemployed is not going to be as much of an issue in the eyes of most men, in the way it’s an issue for a woman dating an unemployed guy.
As long as you’re not drowning in debt and you have some direction, you’ll be just as attractive to most guys whether you’re making money or not.
Don’t bother if you’re a guy. Wait until you have a job to find a woman. Being unemployed is usually a strong women repellent, even if 100+ women come in here to say they don’t mind. Watch what women do, not what they say. It’s like the height thing, it’s better to be 6’2 than 5’2, but some women will still be into you at 5’2. However, if you make a post about height, you’ll get a million women saying they don’t care and to just be yourself, despite every guy knowing height is a definitely a huge positive attribute. Get the job, then you’ll have good luck with women. Remember to watch what women do, not what they say. I understand I’ll get downvoted, but men in here: you all know it’s the truth. I’d also bet you’ll be in a better headspace and more confident with a job, which is huge in early dating from sites.
It would be a hard pass for me IMO.
In this difficult time? I feel like someone would be living under a rock to hold this against you, especially if youre within big tech ! You do you girl.
I met my bf when I was unemployed. There’s only so much time you can spend a day applying for jobs, and it was actually a good distraction going out and meeting people.
Some of the best dating periods of my life have been when I was laid off. I did have to watch my spending but wasn’t broke.
As soon as it came up I would mention it and be straight forward about it. Didn’t really seem to cause an issue because I ended up being employed again after a bit, and the extra energy I had to put into dating was received positively.
Being laid off leaves a lot of time available.
Try being a man and get laid off. Women won’t give us the chance.
I got laid off a few months ago and continued dating for a bit. I told the person I was dating at the time a few days after it happened. I ended up ending things with them but went on a couple first dates where I told those people on the first date that I’d been recently laid off. It didn’t seem to change how they saw me at all, and I definitely would not want to date someone who would judge me for that anyway.
Currently I’m taking a break from dating for other reasons but I think it’s absolutely fine to keep dating and a good way to weed out judgmental or shallow people. Plus, if you’re unemployed you have more time and energy to put into dating (as long as you aren’t stressed out about being unemployed, which it sounds like you aren’t).