How much do you need to know about your partner’s last relationship?

27 comments

1. I didn’t want to know much mostly if it was in any way abusive, what kind of issues they had, and how it ended.

   I feel like knowing those 3 things is fairly important.

   Abuse is definitely something you want to know because previous abuse can definitely impact your relationship.

   I wanted to know about any major issues to see if it is something that could also be an issue in our relationship or if we are more compatible.

   How/ why it ended because that gives you a good indication of what the big issue was and if it was ended on good or bad terms.

2. Why it ended. Especially with my boyfriend now because he was planning on marrying his ex and they were together for several years.

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4. zero

5. is it over, have you been tested for STIs?

6. Whether or not there’s any trauma from it or if they treated their partner right. That’s the only must for me.

7. Most important is how, why and when it ended. Aside from that I don’t ask too much and little details get brought up now and then, not very important

8. I only like to know how long were they with them and why did it end, other than that i want to know nothing about it

9. However much they want to tell me.

10. I like to know everything (of course you have to be strong-minded). I would say I pay attention to 40% of the story and 60% of how they talk about their ex/perceive the situation.

    Watching your partner talk about an ex lover is crucial. It gives me a chance to analyze who they really are as of today (and the story part helps how they treat others back then even if he did change right now).

    I’m an analytical person so I try to piece things together. How much will he talk about her? Is it only when I ask or does he bring her up often randomly? How is it brought up? Like she is on his mind or in a traumatizing way? How much is possibly exaggerated? How much does he claim “she’s crazy” and say there’s no fault on your side…..is she really “crazy”, or is it you?

    Because guess what, we only hear one side of the story. I take the story part as a grain of salt but focus on how he tells the story, if that makes sense. Because there were moments where I did empathize with the ex (and I never met her!).

    But I guess I’m slightly biased since I feel us girls should stick together. They were once in our position, you know.

11. The reasons it ended and lessons learned from that relationship (and I expect honesty). In my case, it’s our second marriage and he has kids from his previous marriage so I needed to know about the existing relationship with his ex, boundaries, existing problems and some about her so I knew how to deal with her as well (our interaction is minimal but civil and cordial).

12. i like to know why they broke and if they are still in contact. i don’t need details but a simple “we broke up cause we grew apart and do not talk” or “we broke up because ____ cheated” is all i’m looking for. if i ask a man why he and his ex broke up and he starts with something like “well she was always complaining about something” i know that man is fucking insufferable and will save myself my hassle.

13. Stuff like:

    1. Is it over/how long has it been over
    2. Were you faithful
    3. How long were you together
    4. Was there any abusive behavior
    5. Why did the relationship end
    6. Do you have any children with them
    6. What kind of contact do you still have, if any
    7. What did you learn from that relationship

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15. I need honesty and truth. As much as they’re comfortable sharing as well as like others said trauma abuse how it ended stds stis children xyz.

16. This is a redundant question. Because unless you speak to the ex as well, what your partner tells you is THEIR version of events, and their version isn’t always the truth. I learned this sad lesson when my father married his second wife. She would say these horrible things about my mom, because that’s what my father told her about my mother. But my father left out the part that the only reason why he’s even in this country is because my mom sold her car to get him out of jail and helped him with immigration. He also left out the part that when she was 6 months pregnant with my brother, she contracted syphilis from him. He also left out the part that he pulled a gun on her when I was 7. Yea, he left all of that out.

17. How much do I NEED to know? Nothing.

    It’s nice to know some things to get a feel for what kind of person they are and how they handle conflicts or transitions. But you are also only getting their side of the story, and people can change so you never know if it fully reflects how they are.

18. I don’t.

19. Alot, considering she was crazy and kept parking outside his apartment and trying to get in constantly for a few months after we started dating 14+ years ago.

    She’s still batshit crazy even now and going on her third marriage I believe right now.

20. none of them were serious so not much

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22. Just that he took care of her after she came home from getting her wisdom teeth out, escorted her from the hospital and everything.

23. I always want to know places they went to and why they broke up.

24. Nada! Choose them for as they are now and not the past. Feels better when you’re not comparing yourself to others.

25. I want to know what he wants me to know.

26. I don’t want to know anything about who she is or what she did.

    Only their behaviour and actions in the relationship.

27. I think it’s natural to talk about it. My boyfriend tells me about some of the things previous partners have done that he didn’t like or ways that they hurt him and I share the same. I wouldn’t say it’s a need for me, but I like talking about all of life’s experiences, good and bad. That includes things that happened with other people.