I (28f) went on a second date with a guy (31m) and while kissing he lightly puts his hand around my throat. He removes it when I tell him it scares me. He doesn’t do it again but this is the second person to try and hold my throat while kissing. Is a guy a thing?

49 comments

  2. I had the exact opposite experience. This girl asked me to choke her and I was not into it lol

  3. No, some girls like it and it’s pretty bold to try without knowing how she’ll take it. You might have a slightly “odd” taste in men if theyre often assuming you like it, because that’s not a “first date friendly” maneuver. That’s like, we’ve discussed some sexual topics already and I know you’re into kinky stuff so I want to excite you.

  4. As a dude, I did that sort of stuff with a partner (consensual – she enjoyed it).

    However, there is no way in hell I’d even think of doing that until a solid intimate relationship developed.

    It’s not a “guy thing” by any means.

  6. A lot of women are into that. Sometimes it works out where multiple girls you’re dating in a row like to be choked and then all of the sudden you meet one that doesn’t and u scare her a bit. I felt so bad when that happened to me and I learned my lesson don’t choke right away.

    But I’m still dating the girl I “scared a bit” and turns out now that we are more comfortable she likes being choked lol

    Moral of the story, he may not be a monster but if he’s insistent and you’re uncomfortable, that’s a no no

  8. Probably, I like putting my hand around the side/back like your stereotypical movie kiss. But no, not like Darth Vader finding out Padme sided with Obi-Wan…

    As for doing it without any conversation about bdsm related stuff… That’s a warning sign. Some guys need to abuse others in order to feel strong or powerful. I’d honestly suggest being careful and going slow. I’ve seen too many friends fall down that path… I wish I’d said something then, so I’m saying it now.

  10. As a male I hated it. My ex wanted it I tried for her. But it definitely wasn’t my thing

  11. I don’t think I could ever do that to a girl onba 2nd date…

    But I’ve yet to date a woman who doesn’t love a trusted man’s affectionately or sexually around her neck.

  12. in my experience, most women i date like to get choked. i don’t know what that says about my taste in women but i can confirm that i default to “choke = sexy” with pretty much everyone now.

    obviously i’d fall back on that fast if someone told me they don’t like it. i just haven’t come across that yet.

  13. Female, but my hand goes to the other person’s throat almost accidentally, pretty often. Never chokimg tho

  15. Not a guy thing at all. After some intimate conversations are had about kinks maybe, but if a guy is pulling that move basically right off the bat he’s got porn-is-reality issues…..

  17. I’ve never put my hand on a woman’s throat. Toxic bs some guys have learned from porn.

  18. I’ll put my hand on her cheek like kinda near her jawline but not her throat

  19. A surprising (to me, anyway) amount of women prefer throat holding. My ex wife never had the courage to ask me to do it, literally until we had breakup sex.

    That being said, a super bold thing to assume, as a male.

  20. Are we talking like hand on the side of the neck? Because I do that but not like holding the throat/neck, just like putting my hand on her neck and like slightly scratching/petting? Idk the term.

  22. Some guys watch too much porn and assume girls like what pornstars pretend to like.

    I’m not saying no girls like choking, but its not the majority.

  24. My wife enjoys it. I never would have done it but she asks for it. I think a lot of women like it.

  25. It’s actually pretty common for women to be into this in my experience. But for me that’s always something to ask about first and it’s more of an advanced thing not something for casual making out.

  26. Well, there’s putting your hand around someone’s neck with the intention of choking. A lot of people are into choking.. Could have put his hand there by reflex from a previous girl or to physically “ask”.

    But there’s also just touching someone’s neck because it’s an erogous zone which, because you maybe afraid of being chocked, you may have interpreted differently.

  28. As a stronger guy, I don’t like holding throats. As I said to the women who’ve asked, I’m not about to catch a case if something goes wrong. 🤷🏽‍♂️

  30. Not a guy thing. I like to choke and be choked. Especially lightly. I find a light caress of the neck as I’m kissing my partner soo hot. My neck is extremely sensitive so maybe that’s why.

    Definitely should ask first though.

  31. I’m a 24F. Maybe it’s ptsd for me, but I make sure it’s known that I will fight if they try the choking thing 😅 makes me defensive.

  32. It’s a common thing that girls like (myself included) so he was probably just trying to give you something a lot of girls are into.

  34. I’m sorry to hear that you had an uncomfortable experience on your second date. It’s definitely not okay for someone to do something that makes you feel scared or uncomfortable, especially during a kiss.

    Holding someone’s throat while kissing can be a sign of dominance or control, and it’s important to make sure that you’re in a relationship where both parties feel safe and respected.

    It’s also worth noting that everyone has different preferences and boundaries when it comes to physical touch, so it’s important to communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t.

    Hope you find someone who respects your boundaries and makes you feel comfortable!

  35. I don’t. My ex wanted me to slap and choke her and I was just like why lol. I didn’t hit her

  37. too much porn at a young age.

    a lot of younger guys in particular see this regularly in porn and pull out some of the most dangerous bdsm shit without asking.

  38. Definitely not a guy thing, normally this kind of things would occur if the relationship gets more intimate or there has been a prior discussion about it.

    And to note. I think there’s a common misconception that the act of choking requires pressure on the trachea. That’s dangerous and entirely false. What it means to choke someone, is to apply pressure on the sides of the neck where blood flows to the brain. That shortage of blood flow makes a person feel high and that gets people off. But if you apply too much pressure, there’s a risk of cutting off blood flow to the brain. That’s normally when people pass out.

    There are also some dispute between the topic of choking and strangulation in this thread. The definition of choking is when a someone’s airway gets blocked by either a person or a foreign object in the body either partially or fully. Too much pressure around your windpipe can damage it, break it or cause future life problems.

    The choking kink is actually strangulation but it’s not a sexy word ain’t it? The act of strangulation is when you apply pressure to the carotid artery, located under both sides of your jaw. This artery carries your blood and oxygen to your brain. To pressure this artery will cause people to feel euphoric, in some cases hard to swallow, difficulty in breathing and watery eyes. This is called sexual asphyxiation.

    The choking kink (act of strangulation) is a very dangerous kink and if not performed properly can cause permanent damage to the person, and in extreme cases death. If you want to engage in such activities, please discuss properly with your partner and come up with a safe word. Practice with your partner how much pressure are they able to endure before actually engaging it in sex/making out. However, some may say not to do it entirely which I agree. But to each their own, and it ultimately comes down to you and your decision. Act responsibly and safely.

    Edit 1: Rephrased second paragraph

    Edit 2: Changed oesophagus to trachea also know as the windpipe

    Edit 3: Third – fifth paragraph

  39. Not a guy thing.

    I am a man, and it intrigues me how many men and women find violence (choking, slapping, hair pulling, *etc.*) sexually arousing. To each their own, I guess…

  40. I can confidentiality say that I have never had the desire to hold someone’s throat.

  41. I’m a big guy, so I’ve always been scared to put any pressure on a woman’s vital parts. I know my strength, I’m just afraid (the heat of the moment). Usually, when it comes to kissing, my hands are on your hips or wrapped around your lower back.

  42. I put my hand on the back of their head right where the neck meets the head to pull them closer

  43. I’m a guy that likes being choked. 🤷🏾‍♂️

    Definitely something that needs to be discussed and consented to.

  44. I’ve had multiple men try to choke me without consent. I’m not sure what that’s about, but it is scary and I don’t like it. I do tell men this right before I refuse to see them again. If you can’t be clear on your kinks beforehand, that’s a problem for me.

  46. Anyone does this shit to me they get a kick too the nuts. This is something that needs to be okayed beforehand. No one does that shit with me, just like slapping my ass. Nope. Nothing dries me up faster than any of that BS

  47. Ah it was the opposite for me. Girl wanted me to do it but I was too scared to hurt her so I didn’t want to.

  48. Because she asks for it. A lot of women do. I’d say more than half women I’ve been with have asked to be choked, or when I do it slight, say “ya choke me. Pull my hair”

    I was never one to do it. But I’ve found a lot of women prefer rough over being “soft”

  49. Because every woman I’ve met is into choking and I got roped into it as a kink lol.

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