Newish account, but longtime redditor. Getting married within the next year (date will be set once her mom can view the venue with her), and I’m going over the list of guys and girls I’d want on my side of the aisle. What’s your advice for who to pick? The first 3 people are pretty no-brainers. But, I can tend to be a people pleaser, so when it comes to some of the other people I’m questioning whether I’m picking them because I want them to be in the wedding party or because I don’t want them to feel like I didn’t like them enough. There has also been a few old friends that somewhat dropped off previously, who have come out of nowhere and become overtly friendly since the engagement was announced.
8 comments
Go with whoever you got the strongest bond with. Can’t go wrong with that.
I can tell by reading your post that this isn’t an option for you (your choice or hers I can’t tell), but honestly the best advice I could give you is to elope with just the two of you. It’s personal preference of course, but I can tell you the stress level is a LOT lower, especially if you do it at an all inclusive resort where they’ll plan everything for you. You both just have to show up, smile, and say “I do” when they tell you to.
Pick your closest fellas. If they don’t know how to act at a wedding, that speaks volumes. You don’t ask the one who have been with you through your whole life, that also speaks volumes.
You have an advantage over the bride as you also need ushers and can have special ushers to escort the mothers down the aisle
To be honest, I thought about those who I can act like myself completely around. Weddings are busy times and the last thing I want to worry about is whether I can act like myself in front of this person.
But, at the end of the day I realized it didn’t matter who was standing up there as part of the wedding party other than my wife.
The traditional wedding party with bridesmaids and groomsmen is not a must. I didn’t feel like I needed groomsmen as it’s like picking your favourite friends of your favourite friends when I’m reality if you’re being invited to my wedding you’re already part of my favourites. Thus, we had an “unofficial wedding party” but it was only us up at the alter.
How many no-brainer friends does she have?
If she’s got three then problem solved. You don’t need big wedding parties. A real friend also understands your wedding isn’t about them. Having someone in your wedding just so they’re not mad at you is not why you have someone in your wedding. You’re going to learn real quick too that you’re not going to please everybody and you’re going to piss plenty of people off. Again it’s not their wedding but everybody starts thinking it is.
Legit only reason for a big wedding is for the gifts and the cash.
Otherwise keep it small and take all the money you saved doing so and spend it on your honeymoon. You remember a lot more of that anyway.
Or go destination! A big wedding is going to run you 20K at least. That’s a lot of plane tickets and hotel rooms for the people that you actually want to share the day with.
Best friend is best man, then oldest brother followed by any other brothers. There should be one groomsmen to one bridesmaids. So if she has four, you have four.
If no brothers, follow up just by friends you known by length of time.
I’d just go with the 3 that are no-brainers. It’s your wedding and if they get mad you didn’t have them as groomsmen they’re not worth the trouble.