I (27M) am discovering I’m emotionally dependent and I don’t know what to do

Hello,

I’m writing here searching for help, suggestions and empathy.

A few weeks ago my partner broke up with me – right now it doesn’t really matter what happened in between me and her, because in the past few weeks I found myself reflecting on how I react to these kind of situations.

I realized that, since many years (6+, my last relationship lasted 2 years), I need the validation from a significant other in order to function properly and find meaning in what I do everyday.

Of course I’m experiencing pain and sense of abandonment from the breakup, but what I realized is that 6 years ago I started a chain of relationships that basically never left me “alone in my heart”.

The first 2 relationships of this chain (6 years ago and then 4 years ago) were intense and roller-coastish, unconsciously leaving space for me to foster my personal interests and passions when things weren’t going great, as a way to feel okay with myself when the validation from the other person was missing.

The past 2 years, during my last relationship, have been stable and comfortable – my partner always gave me the validation that I felt I needed and, unconsciously, I slowly grew depressed: unable to find joy in anything else apart from sharing space and time with this person, who apparently was enough for me to feel “okay”.

Of course, this downward spiral generated consequences that led to our breakup. And now, I feel like in the past 2 years I lost a part of myself that was really important for me to feel like myself and for my self-esteem: I lost the joy and the meaning in doing what I do on my own.

I’m realizing that getting back in touch with this part of myself is existentially important to me, but I don’t know where to start. I remember my passions, I’m lucky enough to have tools to pursue them and responsibilities to stand up to (work-wise), but I feel like a broken engine trying to startup.

Small actions have become unbearably hard to do and my mind works only by tirelessly searching for other kind of validations (whether it’s coming from my ex, from trying to “fall for” other people or also by keep on contacting friends to meet up, not because I’m really interested in meeting but mostly because I feel like I need to know that they want to meet me, as a form of validation).

I’m followed by therapist since many years, so that’s one thing that I’m already doing to untie this knot. But I feel like I need more help: I’m realizing that I’m an emotionally dependent person and that I’ve spent the last 6 years getting entangled in relationship without giving myself time to find that kind of validation on my own. And now, I’m quite lost.

Has anybody went through something similiar? Do you have any suggestions for me? Or any experiences to share? I’m really scared of keeping on growing up thinking that this is just how I am, but I want to start enjoy again all the beautiful things that I’m lucky enough to do.

—

**tl;dr**: after my last breakup, I realized I’m an emotionally dependent person and that I need the validation of a partner in order to find meaning in what I do. Now I want to find that validation within myself and I don’t know where to start. Please, help.