As I’m nearing 30 I’m starting to feel like I’ve become too cynical. It seems like the more I understand things whether it’s career, family, health, nature etc the more I lose my sense of wonder about the world.
As a kid, I think we’re just more curious and excited about the small and the big things. But now it’s starting to feel like everything is a little more dull.

Edit: thank you for all the wonderful responses. It’s good to know that some are in a similar boat and a lot of people aren’t.

26 comments

  1. I understand where you are coming from, as i felt the same.

    [This Youtuber](https://youtu.be/IBT78iOacIk) helped to change my view a bit on some things with his great attitude to life.
    The linked video is about how small things become big again, when you have kids.
    As an adult you dont notice some stupid rabbit hole at the side of the road – but your kid does. And you notice, thats a world on its own. Our world is full of wonderful things and life on earth is not just commuting and bills and corrupt politicans.

    For me, all his videos are full of wisdom and everybody should be a bit more like him.

  3. I seem to have got some of it back. I was very into science as a youngster but had a bad time in my later years at school and left at 16.

    I’m now doing a STEM degree part-time for interest and it’s helped a lot.

    I’m also going to re-try psychedelics again soon.

  4. I’ve been exploring stuff that I thought was cool as a child, but never had the money or ability to explore the way would have liked.

    For instance, reptiles, amphibians, insects, squirrels, foxes etc. I always though they were amazing as a kid, but was never allowed any as a pet (some of which for good reason), and then my teenage-early adult years I had subconsciously relegated them to just a nuisance, or just part of the background, they didn’t matter because the only thing that really mattered was all human, relationships, careers etc.

    Now I come home and enjoy learning about all sorts of creatures I have never even heard about.

    I also watch woodworking videos, metalworking videos, precision rifles, knife making, bushcraft, fishing, cooking, and so many other things that I knew very little about, and even now as much as I have learned, I am giddy that there is so much more to learn.

  5. I would look into psychedelics. They are known for re-plasticizing the brain. As we age the brain loses plasticity, and you get “old man stuck in his ways”syndrome .

  6. I read a book recently called Curious, and the central conceit is that instead of trying to reduce anxiety or depression, one might benefit from turning UP one’s interest, willingness, to be curious and experiment.

    Example: Holy shit, I’m nervous about this date I’m going on!

    You could try to reduce the anxiety, tell yourself it’s okay, you’re good looking, you have good chemistry online, whatever, OR you can say: this is going to be a great change from my norms, I haven’t had a chance to sit down with someone interesting in a long time, I hope we get a chance to talk about books like we did online!

    Studies have shown that the amount of curiosity one has and willingness to experiment, the better outcomes, and more happiness and contentment, one experiences. And so my advice would be to begin framing uncomfortable experiences as experiments, to noodle around inside your brain to see how you can be more curious, do things outside of your comfort zone, and be more action / ‘doing’ oriented, versus thinking oriented.

  7. Technology is making everything dull. It takes the joy out of discovering things when we can simply look it up anytime that we want. Lose the screen time and enjoy the world. It’s best for your mental health and soul.

  8. It’s definitely fading. I miss the joy I felt the first few weeks of summer vacation for example. Or how extremely exciting candy was.

  9. Yes, but you need to do mental maintenance. You can’t just go with the flow and let the world affect you in all different ways without trying to influence yourself. If you think you’re being too cynical, start not being cynical – when you have a cynical thought, consider how it might look from an idealistic perspective instead.

  11. Cynical is fine, the world is freaking amazing tho. I’m 53 and still amazed by people (good & bad). Travel as much as you can. The worlds quite cool

  12. You can, but in my experience, you’ll be judged poorly for showing it. I’ve had my soul crushed most of my life and had to grow up really early. Fought it as hard as I could. I’m 30 now and just starting to find out who I really am after doing everything people thought I should be doing with my life. These days I’m just exploring the world and focusing on having fun. Life gets way too serious and it can kill your inner child. I think the best use of a life is to learn, have fun, and share with others. Try to leave it better off when you go. Childlike curiosity and spirit in grown men seems to be highly frowned upon by many people who take life too seriously. Learned that lesson the hard way. I tend to keepy inner joy and child hidden these days.

  13. Some things I’ve become more cynical, but a whole lot more I’ve become curious about.

    Now I find politics interesting but I am very cynical and generally pessimistic. I also stopped giving a shit about celebrities and trends/what was cool in the moment.

    But I am much, much more curious about nature and ecology, photography, and my community. I also am much more selective about movies and shows that I watch, which is actually nice.

  14. I’m 68 and still curious about things. If I hear/read about something I’m unfamiliar with I’m on my phone searching to see what it is. My parents lived into their 90s. They were the same way. My mom was also a voracious reader till the end.

  15. Yes of course, just put your phone away, don’t watch the news, treat social media like a sexually transmitted disease and get out into the world and back into print media.

  18. As another poster commented-the book Curious goes into detail about this. Not only can you NOT lose this curiosity/interest…You should do everything you can to maintain it.

    Approaching life with an open heart/mind is a great catalyst for being able to appreciate the things around you!!!

  19. You know what does this in spades? Exploring with kids. And then again with grandkids. Its massively fun exploring new things WITH them and you begin to experience their wonderment vicariously. Eg. Flying a drone is fun. Seeing a 4 yr olds eyes grow wide and showing him how to make it fly is ten times more fun.

  20. Yes. And no. And also yes.

    The more you understand something, the less magical and fascinating it seems.

    The key is to stay curious about more new things.

  21. Spend quality time away from electronics and even a simple venture out in the forest reminds us who we are.

  22. Probably not, youthful optimism exists because young people haven’t seen the reality of human selfishness, greed and trauma. As a man in society you are by and large ignored by everyone and your feelings are irrelevant. We often find ourselves in relationships where our emotions don’t matter either and we often become a rock for the emotions of others and then accused of being emotionally unavailable…because many women don’t want an emotionally available man in the sense that they share their fears and trauma, what they want is a man who is emotionally available to their experiences.

    Alright, with that cynicism out of the way, there are many ways to find optimism and hope in the adult world. Find a partner who cares about how you feel and shows that they don’t expect you to be an unfeeling rock that supports everyone around them.

    Find groups of people who add to your life vs taking away. I am in recovery and spend a lot of time with people who are taking accountability and trying to build a more accountable and authentic life. I Find myself becoming a better person by just spending time around these people.

    Find a few causes you really care about. Don’t volunteer and spend your free time giving to causes that don’t emotionally connect with you.

    If you like backpacking and hiking, find a group that takes kids from the inner city camping/hiking. If you love biking, find a group that raises money for good causes through biking a large amount of miles and getting donations to do so.

    If you have a lot of trauma or just feel like you’re struggling, get in therapy and help get to the root of your actions and feelings etc.

  23. I’m 34 now. Asking more uncomfortable questions to people now than i was as a teen. Asking divorced people about their current love life. Asking orphans about their lost parents. Asking new parents why they love their baby. I love it and I don’t think I’ll ever stop.

    I’ve realised over time that it’s all about how you ask (nicely, politely, with empathy) and who you ask (people who know you well enough to not mind it) – rather than what you ask. People can sense whether your questions come from a good intent or if you’re a judge-y asshole

  24. I lost it and have been working on getting it back but haven’t been able to yet. I remember loving video games, cars, drawing.

    There’s no time for that anymore if you want to be successful in your career and family. As you grow older, you have less time, less space, and more stressors.

    i’ve been doing modern therapy for five years but really evaluating recently whether it’s helped me or harmed me.

  25. I’d love to know how. As a 40 year old I’m becoming more disenfranchised with the world. I really feel like the world is not setup to help me. I can’t influence Senators or presidential candidates. I don’t have the access or the money. At this point i don’t even care who’s in charge. I just try to take care of my career, retirement, and family.

  26. I’ve moved from Legos to woodworking.
    It’s like Legos, but here are no instructions and you get to use what you build, albeit there is a significantly higher chance of losing fingers.

    You can also start going down youtube rabbit holes. There are tons of educational videos out there that are well done and entertaining.

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