I just kicked my gf out of my parked car today. Long story short, we were having an argument today that lasted all day.
We recently got together and she warned me about her impulsive behavior and repeatedly told me she hopes I won’t ever get the chance to see her when she’s truly angry.
However, over the past few weeks since we got together, she demonstrated a really short temper and snapped at so many unnecessary and small things. Every time, I tried to control my impulses and not act like her, fully controlled only by emotions. But today I couldn’t take it anymore. Today we were at her place and we got into an argument. She lost her temper again and started swearing and yelling and I couldn’t take it anymore so I packed my things and went home. (This is not the first time this happens.)
We saw each other later in the evening and we were parked in the car near her place, and she started yelling and swearing again. When I told her to stop swearing and yelling, her response was that she is a full blown adult and she gets to do whatever she wants and that I don’t have the ability to control her (what the actual hell?). I told her to get out of my car if she continued to act like this. She provoked me again while yelling at me and told me that if I do it, I’ll never see her again. I eventually snapped and yelled at her to get the fuck out of my car and I smacked the steering wheel with my hand. She started to cry and smacked my door when she exited the car.
Moments later, she told me we’re over (apparently I’m not the first person that did this to her so it was a trigger, but I did not know about it beforehand. I wouldn’t have done it if I knew it was a trigger for her). This is the second time when she holds the relationship hostage and threatens me with breaking up with me. Now she does not want to break up apparently and her excuse is that she said that because I humiliated her and threw her off my car and that I was abusive and violent (which I was not, I did not lay my hands on her or forced her whatsoever).
Am I abusive/violent and can’t see it?
Tl;Dr: While me and my gf where parked in the car near her place, we had an argument and I told her to get out of my car if she continues to yell and swear at me. She told me that she is a full blown adult that can do whatever she wants and that I can’t control her and continued to swear and yell. She also told me that if I throw her off the car, she would leave me. She did not stop, even if I asked her to do so. Then, I snapped and told her to get the fuck out of my car and smacked my steering wheel. She told me we are over, but now it does not seem that she actually meant it.
Am I abusive/violent?
10 comments
I think you will likely end up violent and abusive if you stay with a woman who is abusing you. She needs to control her anger too, that can’t be a one sided thing. Screaming profanities at you isn’t acceptable. Break up with her and tell her why. It might be the wake-up call she needs to get help managing her triggers. Abuse breeds abuse. Get out now.
I think you should stay broken up. She clearly has personal issues when it comes to emotional regulation, and it’s not your job to deal with it. Unless she is serious about seeking therapy, I wouldn’t advise you to get back together with her. This impulsive nature will start back up again and will harm you more in the long run.
When people tell you they are, believe them.
And to everyone about to make an armchair diagnosis in the comments: you can’t accurately diagnose a stranger over the internet. Please stop spreading around labels and attaching them to strangers in subreddits. It’s damaging and increases stigma for several mental disorders.
Stay away from each other. She screams and curses and you bang a steering wheel. You are a dangerous combination
She’s the violent one. It appears she has at least some level of self-awareness but absolutely no intention of doing anything to address her anger issues, moreoever it seems she’s big-noting herself and sees her volatility as something to be proud of. To me that puts her firmly in the ‘if you haven’t seen me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best’ camp. Call her bluff and get out while you still can, otherwise this is going to be the first in a long line of explosive and toxic breakups/get back togethers.
Run. It hasn’t been long and this is your relationship. Run away. That’s not healthy
Ok. So. Acknowledging that you are not willing to be abused is not a trigger.
Trying to get out of the situation is not abusive.
Her telling you that you need to deal with it is definitely grooming.
It’s not red flags. Just straight red carpet.
I’ve always wondered why this kind of behaviour isn’t embarrassing to the people doing it but when you state the actions that they’re doing, it’s embarrassing. Kinda like when a grown man says sexual things to a young woman, it’s a joke but when you say “how is talking about her vagina a joke?” It’s embarrassing.
Why were she yelling at you?
This is an emotional hostage situation and I can already see her getting you wrongfully arrested in the future. Get outta that my man. Yes triggers are real but I’m sick of people using their triggers as an excuse to not take responsibility for their shitty actions and behavior. It’s purely unacceptable. She’s gaslighting tf out of you. The audacity she has to threaten to break up with you! Should’ve told her not to threaten you with a good time lmao. Sounds like she doesn’t have much to bring to the table.
Does she work, does she go to school? Does she keep her outbursts in check there? If she does, she’s just acting this way because she feels like she can get away with it.
You know what you did? You put a boundary up, so you would be respected and treated like a human being and when she didn’t respect that boundary, you reacted to her hostility.
She was the one who blew it, not you.