I (21M) don’t know what’s going on with my ex girlfriend (19F)

This is my first post on this sub and I think I just wanna tell my full relationship story because I don’t even know what to do. All I know is I love this woman more than anything and I’m lost.

My ex and I are both in college. She goes to a big D1 school and I go to a small commuter school like 20 minutes away from our houses. We live in the same state and everything when we’re both home but not when she’s at school.

I met this girl on Tinder not this past December but the one before that. We actually matched twice because I deleted my account and remade it the same week and we matched again.

We snap every now and then but it’s never consistent and at one point I get her number. Then one night in early June I see it’s her birthday on snap and I feel like that’s a valid reason to text her so I do and we start snapping more often. Keep in mind, I’m in a fraternity and we have chapter once a month when school isn’t in session. I call her up one night after chapter and we basically just hookup. I mean it was a basically a Tinder link and not a date. I liked her though. From the moment I met her, I believed she was the prettiest girl I’ve ever met. I liked her personalty too. It matched mine and we had the same sense of humor. After that night we started hanging out so often. We moved so fast. There was one night where I was driving her home and we agreed that we were exclusive but she said she definitely wouldn’t wanna get into a relationship before school started. I understood that. It made sense. Long distance sucks. We kept hanging out tho and about two weeks before she went back to school we said we’d stay exclusive while she was at school. So we just decided to become official.

Things were pretty easy that first semester. I flew to see her in September, October and November. In October we said I love you to each other. I said it first. When I saw her in November though she sorta broke down and started crying in my arms one of the nights I was with her. She told me she was never ready to say I love you and wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. Considering the past she had (will be explained later), I understood. We stayed together and I told her she can say I love you when she’s ready and there’s no rush.

Then she was home for winter break. It was nice. She cried happy tears when she read my Christmas card and opened her gifts. That really meant so much to me. She got me tickets to see a Knicks game. We were both happy. Great Christmas. My frat also held their semi-formal on one of the last days she was home. She obviously came with me and we both had so much fun and we stayed up late and we were laughing all night. We got even closer during winter break. I know I said “great Christmas before” but she actually cried on the night of December 25th because she felt fat. The girl is in beautiful shape by the way. I wasn’t with her unfortantley. She had her own family plans. Her mom heard her crying and just told her she should talk to her therapist about it. I consoled her the entire night until she felt better. Another night during winter break she had another night like that where she felt bad about herself. She really opened up to me and she told me she appreciates how I really care and listen. She told me she hasn’t had this before and she doesn’t even have the confidence to talk to her mom or best friend about this. It’s me and her therapist. She told me that night that this was the first time someone who isn’t a therapist has responded well to this. She told me that her own body issues basically ended her last relationship because her previous ex couldn’t handle it. I obviously want the best for this girl’s mental health but I was glad that she knew she really had me.

Then she goes back to school. A few weeks later she texts me before chapter asking if we can facetime when I get home from chapter, she said it isn’t urgent. Obviously I call her when I get home and she basically says she’s overwhelmed by this relationship and feels trapped and suffocated. She repeated what she said in November, she’s not ready for a relationship. Said that in the summer too but we decided to become official anyway. She’s said a lot during this time. This is like mid January now. I actually have our text convo pulled up right now. The morning after that cal she says it’s not that I’m not happy in this relationship it’s that I’m not ready for it. She said it’s not like I don’t want to be with you in the future, I do. I just need a little space and time. I don’t have any issues with you at all, like I could never have any. Then she said she just needs to center herself a little. I was understanding and she was thankful of that. I want you to know that I definitely don’t want to lose you because you are special to me. We facetimed that night and I offered her a solution that at the time I thought would work. I said you can get all your space during the day and we can call at night and talk about how our day was and we’d still text each other good morning or good night. She seemed to love that. We did that for about 2-3 weeks then the day after our 6 month anniversary she said she thinks we shouldn’t talk at all for a little. I agreed without putting up a fight. Four or five days go by. I’m at a rush event for my frat and she calls me. I leave the room instantly and pick up. She was having a panic attack. Called her therapist and mom first, didn’t answer. Of course I did tho. I talked her through it and she was thankful of that. After that we go another 3 days of not talking and the she texts me out of the blue asking if I want to facetime later. She sent me a typed pdf when we were on facetime that night. I’ll summarize it.

First she thanks me for giving her enough space through this, said it was what she needed. She said meeting me was a blessing and I brought out parts of her that she wasn’t sure still existed. She said when we first met it felt like we’ve known each other all her life and she’s never felt so comfortable with someone so quickly. She then talks about her trauma. Her freshman year she was diagnosed with an eating disorder and depression. She started her freshman year with her senior year boyfriend. When she opened up to him about that he broke up with her the next week. She got on medication but they made her feel worse. She said she healed a lot over the summer which I had a large role in but she still had a long way to go. Then she says she wants to explore all her opportunities at school and she wasn’t aware of them last year. She said she tried doing both but it’s taking a toll on her mental health. She then closes it by saying she knows we are so good for each other but the timing isn’t right and the universe will bring us back when the time is. We text a bit and she again says it’s not a problem with me at all, she just isn’t ready for love. If she were to love someone, it would be me. She sends me another text a few days later saying she does miss me and she likes being silly with me but she needs to figure herself out and get everything under control. She then says again how she feels more comfortable with me than anyone else and wants to be able to be a good person for me because that’s what I deserve.

She texted me first on valentines day. I had a flight for the day after. In some of those previous facetimes and texts she said she didn’t want me to get on it because she felt it was too soon so I sent her a picture of the flowers I spent $110 on. I asked her if she wanted to see her card and she asked if she can just see it when she sees me. A few days later we’re texting and she’s saying she’s using this time to work on herself and she hasn’t used nicotine in three weeks and she feels less depressed and anxious. Then she says she doesn’t wanna lose me as a best friend but she knows she can’t be in an actual relationship right now. We facetime that night and it’s sorta just the same thing. I guess the official end of our relationship though. We text every now and again since but I notice it’s always me texting first.

She posts on BeReal the day before I leave for spring break (she never posts) and I text her she looks pretty in it. She then leaves me on delivered for 3 days and says thank uuuuuu and how is your spring break. Her spring break is the week after mine.

Its now Monday, March 20th and she’s home. I ask her about seeing each other and she said she doesn’t think it’s a good idea and it wouln’t help either of us. She said she thinks she should be able to enjoy her break however she wants. She then says she just strongly believes we shouldn’t hangout right now and if I ever question what I mean to her to read the letter (pdf) she sent me. The following week one of my frat bros showed me she was on tinder again and showed me the screenshot. We aren’t together but I refuse to download that app again. She’s my priority. When I told her I loved her for the first time, I meant it and that it would be unconditional.

I felt like that was the end of the convo. I love this woman but I was talking with my frat bros and they convinced me to relax and let her text me first. She wanted space so she can reach out again. A few weeks went by and then I folded and texted her on April 11th. Told her that my frat is having formal on June 3rd and I’d love to take her. She didn’t respond.

April 20th was my 21st birthday. She didn’t text me.

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TLDR; Girlfriend and I seem perfect despite long distance. We slowly break up but are optimistic about getting back together. She’s sent me paragraphs since but missed my birthday.