23f dating 23m for a year and a half
We got into an argument weeks ago because he’s not putting much effort in our relationship lately. We see each other on weekends and he hasn’t taken me on a date or done anything out my apartment in months, he’s not interested in sex often, and says he feels the closest to me when we aren’t talking to each other? Clear messages from my end, and he keeps arguing everytime I bring up a concern about out intimacy sexual or non sexual. I never start out arguing but he escalates the situation until I have no patience and argue back. He says it’s all bc hes depressed but he refuses therapy so…
I asked him during an argument if he was only with me at this point because I am into a kink that he likes. He likes being pegged, and it’s not that common a kink. He responded with that he didn’t want to engage in our kinky life anymore and that he felt like “it was unnatural and he felt emasculated by it.” I had past partners who said they wanted me to dom them but blamed me for invoking such feelings. These past partners blamed me for showing them an aspect of themselves they were ashamed of and rejected me. My current bf knows this so when he said that I started crying. I felt horrible, like I humiliated him. Later I felt angry because why would he say such a thing even in a heated moment?! I asked my question genuinely because I’m worried about the future of our relationship and had spent over an hour begging for more intimacy in any form. After talking with him, he admitted he said it our of anger but then mentioned he felt shame abt the kink.
I mentioned this to the only person in my life who I could talk to about this, my best friend who knows we’re into kinky stuff just no details. She was so pissed off for me and said that my bf was way out of line. Its true, and I feel so nervous to engage in kink now. I dont know what this means for my relationship, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR
bf lashed out during an argument about our intimacy and deeply hurt me saying our kink was “unnatural”
4 comments
He’s allowed to feel how he wants about a particular kink, including how ‘natural’ he feels it is. It’s fine, just do other stuff.
It’s never okay for someone to shame their partner about their sexual preferences, especially in the heat of an argument.
He was wrong for bringing it up
In an argument knowing how you’ve been blamed for things in the past. Who brought it up the first time, him or you? That’ll answer your question on if your pushing things. In the end it doesn’t matter, if he didn’t want to then he shouldn’t have agreed to it. As for the comments of he feels closer when you don’t talk? No! That’s just idiotic. He need to either wake up or you need to move on.
It sounds like your bf is questioning his sexuality. Try to talk to him about it…