I am 18 afab M and he is 18 afab M. me and him were in a relationship for almost a year and he was recently diagnosed with bpd and ever since first dating we’ve steadily had more and more issues. he tends to ask questions that if answered truthfully he would have an issue with the answer. i tried telling him that he asks too many questions of that nature and made it clear i didnt like it but he didnt understand. so i started to lie when he would ask me questions like that to avoid constant conflict with him and now we’re split cuz he wanted me to stop lying but didnt wanna stop asking questions. im wondering how i would deal with this if we tried again. let me know if i said anything wrong.
\*\*TL;DR;\*\* : my partner asks incriminating questions and im wondering how to deal with it without having to lie
2 comments
If you did answer truthfully they would probably take it offensively/ or be defensive about it so maybe it’s best that you two broke up. Honesty and communication are very important in a relationship and if those are thing you both are struggling with and setting boundaries wasn’t something they were willing to respect move on.
You say something like, “I’m not comfortable with that question.” or, “I am not going to answer a question like that.” And you do it right from the start. If somebody doesn’t want to be with you when you are honest or wants you to answer questions you aren’t comfortable answering honestly, then the relationship ending isn’t a bad thing. But some people will react to that by respecting your boundaries. Or if the stuff you can’t answer honestly is stuff that makes it clear you two should not be together, then it destroying the relationship is a good thing.