I have been friends with this person, let’s call her Sam and I met her through a hobby I’m involved in. I knew of her prior to meeting her and from what others have said of her, I only had nothing but positive things to think of her. I started to become friends with her eventually and started to hangout with her. But soon after I realized that she is someone I am probably not compatible with and her struggles started to effect me negatively. Firstly, she dated a man who was abusing her, and she left but kept going back. She kept telling me about the situation and I tried to be by her side. She refused to file police reports on him even though he kept harassing her. She also ended up getting health issues due to the relationship which made things worse for her self esteem. After that relationship she started to talk poorly of herself everytime we met and also making poor choices such as drinking and sleeping around. When I began to struggle with my mental health, I took some time away from that friend group, and told her I felt depressed and a bit suicidal, and instead of supporting me , she yelled at me and said what about her and how she would feel if I died. She never asked if I was ok. I only told her that I’ve been going to therapy and trying my best. I realized her behavior in a way effected my mental health. What do I do to end this relationship?
TLDR: Friend who has displayed some toxic behaviors has effected me negatively and want to end the relationship all together. But how
5 comments
She’s a narcissist and the best way to end the “friendship” is to simply cut contact. Otherwise you’ll be guilt tripped, snapped at, and gossiped about(which will happen or has already happened regardless). You could send one last message that you’re ending the friendship. No need to explain because she’ll just make excuses for every point you make like a narcissist typically does.
So, this is basically what the phase out/ghosting was invented for. You always have the option of saying ‘hey, I’m not feeling this, here’s why’ but once an adult yells at you for being suicidal, you are no longer obligated to engage with them about honest emotions. The urge might still be there, but frankly I would not trust her with that, since she’s shown you that she doesn’t have the capacity to respond in good faith. So basically, stop contacting her, start dialing back your response time when she contacts you, avoid seeing her in person, and see if she gets the hint and backs off.
If you don’t care about returning to the friend group she’s in, you can just text her:
> You know, I don’t think our friendship is working out, and I’m going to be stepping back from it. I wish you all the best going forward.
And then block her. No explaining what led up to it, no detailing, no justifying your decision.
Had to do it myself once. It felt awkward but the other person luckily understood and we never talked again.
Hey, I get you. I had a friend that I trauma-bonded with but it was a one way situation where I had to always be emotionally available despite what I was going through in order to support her. It was draining and I didn’t know how to set boundaries and I had had other friendships that were *way* more toxic so I was thinking she wasn’t *that* bad. Luckily, she got into a new relationship and pretty much ghosted me for a few months until that relationship ended. She kept messaging me asking to do hang out. I never responded. I was going through an incredibly difficult situation and I was too stressed to pick things back up with her, even if I felt guilty.
What I will tell you is that you are allowed to ghost her, block her, do whatever it is you need to do to survive. You don’t have to explain yourself either- but if you want to a simple “I’m in a bad place right now and I don’t have the constitution to support her in the way she needs” if mutual friends ask what’s up.
I’ve ended friendships before…. you can do one of 3 things. 1) ghost them, 2) slowly back off and do the fade away 3) tell them up front that you cannot be friends anymore.