Edit: I really just needed to get my thoughts out somewhere since my husband doesn’t like hearing my issues with this. No pets will be rehomed, and neither will any wives. We also currently live in a very small house that contributes to the stress, but we won’t live here forever. Any advice on talking to my husband about doing more about this issue is appreciated.
Firstly I just want to say that this is not an easy issue for me either. But it’s especially difficult for him because he’s had this cat since before we met.
The cat is one of the most loving and entertaining cats I’ve ever met, I love her to death. But she started having some health issues after we got a dog a few years ago. My husband begged for us to get a dog, and I finally caved. But once we brought the dog home, it basically ruined our cats life. She couldn’t play with her toys anymore because the dog would want to play with them, and she doesn’t like that. She could no longer lay in her favorite places because the dog stole them. It seemed like getting a dog sent her into a depression and triggered some health problems- she became obese in a short period of time, and somehow her butt became covered in poop and stays covered in poop. We have to give her a bath for it to be clean, but after a week it’s dirty again. We’ve taken her to the vet plenty of times, they seem to think getting her to lose weight will resolve the poop problem because she’ll be able to reach the area and clean herself again. So we got her on a diet and she’s losing weight, slowly, but her butt is still poopy. And it’s disgusting.
My husband acts like it’s not a big deal. And he gets annoyed when I get mad about it. I can’t even comfortably sit on our furniture without first cleaning it, because the cat leaves poop smudges sometimes. I’m at my wits end, and when I try to talk to him about it all he says is that he doesn’t know what to do. I told him I can’t live like this anymore and his response was, “well we’re not getting rid of her so you can move out if that’s how you feel.” Which is completely unfair.
I don’t *want* to get rid of the cat, but as I’ve said- I’m uncomfortable in my own home and I don’t want to live like this anymore, and the problem isn’t getting fixed. He doesn’t take care of the animals like he said he would, and his lack of concern about the furniture having cat poop on it is giving me the ick. I’m just fed up.
I don’t really know what I’m asking for with this post. It would break my heart to rehome the cat, and I know it would hurt my husband even more, but it’s really looking like the only solution to this issue.
TLDR; husband’s cat has poopy butt that I’m tired of living with and he’d rather rehome me than the cat.
18 comments
May be a stretch, but what about cat diapers until the cat loses weight?
What do you think will happen to an older, rehomed cat with medical problems?
You’re basically asking him to kill it. Kittens have a hard enough time getting adopted.
Sorry but my pets are non negotiable and if my husband asked me to get rid of one, I would question the entire relationship.
He needs to step up and clean up after it though, that shouldn’t be all on you
The issue is not the cat or the tigress. The issue is that you are doing most of the work alone.
That is what needs to be fixed.
Why aren’t you rehoming the dog?
It sounds like you both really did her dirty by getting a dog. She’s obviously not okay with living with a dog, her problems started after the dog. She should have seniority Inthis issue. If anyone should be going, it’s the dog, and that’s also on you two for not bei g more responsible and careful about how this was handled
It sounds to me like the problem isn’t the cat, but rather the husband and the dog.
I made an edit in the original post, but I’m also going to post it here in the comments:
I really just needed to get my thoughts out somewhere since my husband doesn’t like hearing my issues with this. No pets will be rehomed, and neither will any wives. We also currently live in a very small house that contributes to the stress, but we won’t live here forever. Any advice on talking to my husband about doing more about this issue is appreciated.
I know you said this is just a vent but the real issue is your husband. He doesn’t take care of HIS cat, he gets a dog when you didn’t want to – regardless of the damage to the cat AND he doesn’t even help with his own child!! So what does he actually bring to this household and marriage??? So he works. That does not absolve him of being a functioning adult as a husband, father and pet owner. He has dumped all of his responsibilities onto you. Why is his lack of involvement acceptable to him or to you??
The problem isn’t your cat. The problem is your husband.
Aside from all the stuff about the husband– have you tried a new vet? I’ve known a lot of really fat cats, including some longhaired cats that weren’t great at personal hygeine, but I’ve never seen a cat with more than an occasional dingleberry that wasn’t sick. Cat poop just doesn’t smear that much, normally. A cat with a constantly poopy butt isn’t normal, and it’s not just being overweight.
I think you need to get the cat looked at again, by a more curious vet.
Just wanted to say I sympathize with you OP. When my husband and I were first living together as teens, we lived with his mom. His moms house came with a whole menagerie of animals: 3 cats, 4 dogs, 2 birds. The birds were no problem, and 2/3 of the cats were fine, but the rest were awful. Poop, pee, vomit all over all the time. It seemed at any time there was an animal had some health issues causing it to leak fluids everywhere. The cat who was the big vomiter passed away (she was quite old), and so did one of the dogs who had incontinence problems (also quite old). But then as those two passed the other cat sprung up with new health issues and so did a dog, and the cycle repeated itself.
In the end, I found a place for rent and told my (now) husband point blank I was leaving, and I’d love it if he came with me but I wasn’t spending another day living with those animals. He came with, but if he had insisted on bringing any of them (besides the birds), yeah, I probably would have left him (or at least till whatever animal he chose passed away we’d live separate). I feel like a lot of people don’t get stressful it is feeling trapped in your own home, feeling like every surface is a biohazard. I grew up on a farm, I was not shy to fluids, but goddamn it just never stopped, ever! Anyways, this got way too long. Point being, I get where you’re coming from, and hope you’re able to find a solution. People on the internet can be quite holier than though about rehoming animals, as if it’s the biggest sin you can make. But from what I can see this is clearly not healthy for you, your kid, the cat or the dog. Rehoming the dog sounds like the most viable solution that would help everyone. Even if your husband steps up (which is another major issue), the cat is hella stressed from the dog to begin with. Best of luck to ya.
Is there any way to keep the cat confined to one area of the house? Maybe with a window catio? Make it as comfortable as possible but away from the dog and your best furniture?
You might want to get a second opinion on the vet diagnosis … most cats only have dirty butt issues when they have loose poop due to digestion issues. Do you think the cat might be getting into the dog food? Or eating something else that it’s not supposed to, like table scraps?
I’m so sorry. I know this is tough bc the weight is falling on your shoulders. My cat got like this after we spayed her. She acts like she is terrified of us (except for me in the evenings) and she doesn’t clean herself. It’s not because of anything we introduced. She hates her litter mate brother but we adopted them together… she loves our dogs. We bathe her, we wipe her. It’s gross, but let me be clear that my husband is just as grossed out about this as me and we clean her together. Husband needs to help! We really try to cuddle, snuggle her and it seems to help her be cleaner. Make sure she has a space to get away from the dog and HUSBAND needs to help train the dog to leave her and her toys alone.
We’ve had a lot of pets in 17 years. Humans should always have priority over pets. We have rehomed pets before. The last one we had 6 years but he wouldn’t stop peeing on our furniture. Sorry pup, that’s disgusting, unsanitary, and not healthy for my family to be around. Poop on the furniture is worse – hard pass. Hubby needs to step up or do the right thing.
You are setting yourself up to have no solution. Your husband needs to start cleaning up the cat much more often or the cat needs a home that will care for it properly. There are lots of rescues that will help with this very thing. We have a great one that we support financially and with our time as volunteers.
I had a cat that was also obese and had poop stuck to his butt bc he couldn’t reach to clean.
Have you considered shaving the cats back side? Lol. I got so sick of wiping cat butt and cleaning furniture and it really did help! Just a suggestion.
As far as your husband, he should definitely be helping clean, especially if he said he would. We’re all tired at the end of the day but some stuff just needs to be done
ETA have you given your cat somewhere high up to hang out to be away from the dog? Maybe like a cat tree or a window hammock. It could help her relax when she wants to be left alone. Best of luck!
Is the cat long-haired? If so, take her to a groomer and get her butt shaved. Otherwise I highly recommend Feliway diffusers. It helps a lot with cat emotional problems.
As for the husband, sorry I have no suggestions there.
It sounds possible that your cat could have Irritable Bowel disease. I would consider having that looked into, and a diet change can help correct that, or a added medication. So sorry! I had a poopy butt cat and it was stressful.
The only time I’ve ever seen my husband cry is when I suggested that I wanted to rehome a young puppy we had when we found out I was 4 months pregnant with twins.
I didn’t think we could handle a puppy and two babies.
The puppy also cost us a lot of money. She destroyed our bathroom flooring and our hallway carpet and every single blanket we owned.
It was really disheartening coming home everyday to something destroyed.
I really didn’t want the puppy at that point, I still find it hard to manage and she’s gotten better but still destroys things time to time. But my husband has such a big heart and I know it makes me happy to have us all together.
I’m sure your husband is just a man with a big heart like mine is.