I (F22) met this guy (M25) on hinge 5 months ago. When we first started having sex, we would always use protection. At some point we stopped. I have to say that was stupid of both of us. I trusted he was negative for STDs, I had my tests done for all STDs but HSVs, and I was on BC. We were also seeing each other every day so I had no doubt we were sexually exclusive.
We were moving towards real serious relationship and had a brief conversation when he said “I am only yours and you are only mine”.
Next day he didn’t answer my phone call in the evening, a day after I found 2 open condom packs at his place. We talked, he said he had someone over but they never had sex. We also got pretty intimate that day and had unprotected sex. I felt so terrible and stupid after and asked that he got tested. He said he would.
Next day I started having blisters and my lymph node got swollen. I went to test. I came out negative for everything but HSV-1 (I expected it since I had cold sores before). I also understand some STDs take more time to develop.
It’s been a week now and we were cuddling. He tried having sex with me and I refused without a condom/ until he gets tested (it’s 4th time this week I asked him). He said he wouldn’t cuz he didn’t have time but also doesn’t want to use protection anymore.
He then said he didn’t want to stop, I re-established my boundary and he left to shower. I know I should have set that boundary way from the beginning. Is it time to just leave him? I know I also had my wrong in this whole situation but I guess I need a third person view of this situation. In the end, I just don’t like that he gets to have it unprotected with me whenever he wants while also seeing girls on a side at his convenience.
38 comments
Yes it’s time to leave him, his behavior is awful. You didn’t know how shitty he would be or I’m sure you would have left before this, but now it’s truly bad
You’ve set a boundary that you don’t want to have sex until he gets tested and he’s refused multiple times.
And you’re still seeing this guy… why?
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He’s not respecting the boundaries you are setting, therefore not respecting you. It i’s time to go. Get the respect you deserve and need
He doesn’t care AT ALL about your safety. Do you really want to be with someone like that?
Red flag 🚩 and you know it is!!
Either he complies or gives a valid reason for not doing so.
I wish you well and please let us know how you get along.
Have a peaceful weekend buddy
That’s why you have to communicate and don’t assume things. Before you ever had unprotected sex you should have clearly told him, I am only down for this if I’m the only person you’re seeing. Don’t just hope he’ll do exactly what you want him to
Girl he is a liar and manipulator. Why if the world would you believe that he didn’t have sex when he had two open condoms packs and you two don’t use em? What was his excuse? He was using them as socks?
It’s BEEN time to leave.
He lied to you about exclusivity, had sex with someone else and if it weren’t for you finding the empty condom wrappers probably would have never told you about it, then you asked him to get tested, said he would, didn’t, then tells you he doesn’t have time to go get tested, and keeps trying to have sex with you.
He doesn’t care about you, your health or his. He’s gross. Stop seeing him, get another full panel testing done in a few weeks to be on the safe side due to incubation periods.
He cheated on you and then gave you an STD and you still had him over? Now you’re questioning staying with him. Hahahaha grow a back bone lady
he doesn’t get to…
-if you walk away.
being an option for him leaves you starved.
As others have said definitely leave him, but I’ll add that you’ve learned the value of setting boundaries early and often. Make absolutely sure to set and uphold your sexual boundaries in the future – anyone who doesn’t respect them immediately needs to go.
You need to learn how to have some self value and leave him. This post is so saddening please have some self love and stop putting up with bs in the name of love.
1 hour our if his week is more important to him than your health or your feelings. He also slept with someone after you established exclusivity.
Yes it’s time to leave. He only cares about himself
Everything is wrong about this. Fucking hell, you’ve been fucking for months and even raw dogging…then moving towards a serious relationship?!
Have some self respect.
What lymph nodes were swollen and where were the blisters? It can take up to 4 months after exposure for HSV antibodies to build up and become detectable. If you tested days or weeks after you contracted it, it’s unlikely that the test would be positive. It could be genital HSV-1, but if you tested positive for HSV-1 a few days or weeks afterwards, it’s likely that you already had it. It’s VERY unlikely to catch genital HSV-1 if you already have oral HSV-1 due to antibody protection, and roughly 70% of the population has oral HSV-1. Also, it would be a huge coincidence if he contracted HSV-1 or 2 from a sexual encounter, and gave it to you right afterwards, especially if there were no sores present. If he did give you herpes, he likely already had it for some time and it had nothing to do with a recent sexual encounter.
It’s time to leave him. Not only did he have sex with another girl after basically agreeing to be exclusive with you, he also doesn’t care about sexual health and isn’t respecting your boundaries.
how do you know that he hasn’t already gotten tested and knew he had an std and just didn’t care? Kind of odd he would put it off, regardless of your exclusivity status. He’s having unprotected sex with more than one person, and testing for his own knowledge should be a priority. Do you know you can sue someone for knowingly giving you an std? Does he know that too? If I were you I would start putting a timeline together.
editing to add: you can call the CDC in your state and report someone for spreading STDs 🙂 Nothing kills the mood more than a counselor calling and sending literature to notify the infected person of their obligations to disclose their status to sexual partners.
*In the end, I just don’t like that he gets to have it unprotected with me whenever he wants while also seeing girls on a side at his convenience.
I don’t understand how him getting tested will solve the issue and high risk from catching an STD from him in the future.
– You want him get tested
…to go back to unprotected sex with him..
…knowing he will continue having unprotected sex with others anyway?
I guess you’ll just keep him hanging around until he infects you with something serious.
How desperate are you that you’d put up with this?
I’m sorry but you don’t need a third opinion. You know how you feel about it. Follow that feeling without questioning yourself.
There’s no delegation to be had when your sexual health is at risk.
He had someone over and there were open condom packets.
I would have made such a scene and dramatically broken up with him about it.
Sorry girl he sounds like he’s not the one for you and there are better men out there who will love the heck outta you
You had an exclusivity convo. He becomes distant. He tells you he’s had someone over and you found two open condom packets that clearly weren’t yours. For GOD’S SAKE he should have been tossed in the trash then and there.
Depending on where you live, if he knew about this before he gave it to you, it is sexual assault. And yes, yes you should absolutely press charges if you can. 5-years-from-now-you will be glad you did.
Miss Mam 💕✨ it is time to go. Make you exit gracefully and let him know you want to be with someone who respects you
*I found 2 open condom packs at his place*
*they never had sex*
*we also got pretty intimate that day and had unprotected sex*
Like what? Obviously he’s lying yet you fell for it?
What you allow will continue.
You leave him. He doesn’t respect you.
One of you should respect you, and that’s you.
So sounds like you’re done. Block him and move on.
lmao, ah the red flags people will ignore if the person is attractive enough. what’s the word? pretty privilege? I mean, When I was younger I had such privilege’s. Let myself go and now I don’t get it anymore. This is why so many people are single these days. I locked my girl down ahead of time, she isn’t going anywhere.
>We were moving towards real serious relationship
After 5 months? No you fucking weren’t lmao. Don’t let yourself get trapped in a longterm non-exclusive relationship if that isn’t what you want.
He’s refusing because if you catch anything off him, you’ll definitely be trapped. It’s like married. But STDs
You should leave him.
Cheater gotta cheat. GTFO.
EWWW!! He’s gross AND completely DISRESPECTFUL! You know you deserve better….c’mon!!
Bro you’re 22. C’mon. Act like it. You want an STD?
Homie is making excuses as to why he can’t go get tested but has time to cuddle and bare bone? Get real.
You set your boundaries, he’s disrespecting.
This is your health. Don’t be stupid.
I’d cease to keep seeing them, and take care of myself by getting my own tests. Then I would block him.
This is how STD’s get spread. He’s also willing to use condoms with other people given that he had wrappers at his place. People lie a lot about STD’s. Especially when it comes to getting tested for them. It’s quite possible he already knows that he has one or might have one and doesn’t want to know or get caught in a lie. In particular, genital herpes comes to mind.
Why stay around someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries? It’s time to toughen up tell him you no longer want to see him and block him.