I love my husband but i feel nothing towards him (and this feeling always comes and goes)
So first, i told him weeks ago i was having no luck finding jobs here and convinced him that I’d find a job at home and hes somewhat on board with that. Not exactly happy with it but hes on board with the idea. Started packing two days ago i leave in 3 weeks. My job has been cutting my hours to between 8-10hrs/wk. I cant afford to pay for my car, or college that i was planning on going to. He is able to afford all the bills (excluding mine) on his paycheck i just agreed to pay my car and the car insurance for us.
I then told him *yesterday* that im unhappy in this relationship and if he wants this marriage to work all i ask is that he goes to therapy/marriage counseling. I told him what he says or does causes me to feel stupid or worthless, i cried because i even told him its hard to open up and talk to him all he kept asking is ‘why’ because “he doesnt judge when i talk to him” every good reason why i brought up why im upset, all he responded was “ok” to everything.. i had to leave for work so we could never finish the conversation.. i dont know where to pickup from there..
I didnt want my wedding ring on today.. so i took it off and put it in the box…. ive still telling him i love him everytime he comes home and when we go to sleep. He still cuddles me to fall asleep.
He still loves me and doesnt want me to leave.. but i do
Is anything too soon? I know leaving will be the best thing for me. I dont feel the way i used to about him. I could name a billion reasons to leave but his constant affection is making me want to stay. I feel safe around him, i always have.
When was the appropriate time to leave them?
To divorce them?
To take off the ring?
5 comments
You two need therapy especially you . I believe a marriage that doesn’t deal with abuse, sexless or infidelity has a chance . You said he takes care of you , affectionate with you , keeps you feeling safe and wants to stay with you . We as people need to start being thankful/appreciative of the things we do have , and realize theirs no perfect partner. Like I said hopefully you two can do therapy or maybe just you because it seems you are the unhappy one . I hope everything works out
Sounds like you are married to my husband.
You’re on your own in this relationship so you gotta do what’s best for you at this point. Sounds like you’ve tried to include him as much as you can so now the choice is yours.
Don’t stay because he loves you if you don’t love him.
If you were ready to leave, you would leave and you’d know. The feeling comes and goes because marriages get stale.
Enjoy that your husband still holds you and wants even though you want to leave.
I would give anything for mine to want me that.
It sounds like there are a lot of different things in your life that are causing you stress and worry, like the job and financial worries. A lot of the other stuff you mention, like apathetic feelings, low libido, thinking of yourself as worthless and possibly making drastic decisions appear to be clear signs of depression. I would STRONGLY suggest going to a therapist and/or a trusted friend or advisor like a priest or older married family member. Marriage is not all sunshine and rainbows, but it sounds like your issues will not be solved at all by running away from it. You need to put in the work to take care of yourself and your marriage, and things will get better. God bless you. ♡
I don”t have the best answer. I was trying to figure out the best course of action with this sort of thing with my ex. He decided one morning to text me that our marriage was over. I still struggle with the fact that he couldn’t be bothered to call me at least. A text. He messaged me at 5ish in the morning and when i turned my phone on about 7:20 that was the first thing I saw. So I have no great advice for that.
What I will say is you have the potential for your relationship to benefit with the couples counseling. I would strongly recommend you do that but it will only work if you are both committed. (I tried that too only my ex wouldn’t open up and okayd them to death.)
For your sake I hope things work out.