So I went on a couple of dates within a few week period. One guy I went on a few dates with that I met off of Facebook dating. He seemed like a nice guy at first. But then he made it clear that he thinks of me as more of a sister. I said ok. I also asked him if my weight had anything to do with it and he dodged the question with a comment saying “want to work out at the gym”? So I took that as him implying I was fat.
Then I went on a single date with a guy I knew from high school. The second I approached him at our agreed meeting spot, his eyes bugged out of his head at my appearance. He told me he remembers me being skinny back in the day and he doesn’t date “fat girls”. I was very offended and made me feel more self conscious about my curves.
The point of this post is that I know I’m curvy but what ever happened to not judging someone based on the outside? What about what’s inside? What happened?
31 comments
People have always judged others by their appearance.
Some people don’t care too much, most people do care and consider it to be a deal breaker.
I’m a fat dude and I know this all too well.
Lucky for you, many men, even some good looking ones, are into curvy ladies. The opposite is not common.
That said, I’m sorry you had to go through this, especially with the second guy who clearly lacks basic decency and respect.
No matter where you go in the world, people will judge you for something. A big key to happiness is not caring what others think of you as long as you know you are doing the best you can and feel good about yourself.
First, how these guys communicate their preferred body type was pretty rude – especially the guy from HS. But from what you’re describing here it sounds like these guys were at least a little surprised or caught off guard somewhere between matching/deciding to go on a date and actually meeting up for the date.
Are the photos you’re using on your profiles up to date? Would you say there are enough photos to give matches a good representation of your body type?
There’s someone out there for everyone, but everyone’s not a match for everybody. Some guys only date slim girls, other guys love thicker women, some guys don’t care at all. And that’s all OK. But you have to put your real self out there for the guys who’d be really excited to be on a date with 100% of you, as you are right now, to have that opportunity. Hope this helps!
It’s unfortunate that they communicated their feelings in such a rude and immature way. However, being judged by appearance 8n a romantic relationship kind of comes with the territory. Especially with online dating. That’s pretty much all you have to go on.
I recommend you being happy with yourself. Whether that’s you curvy or not. There are plenty of men who love curves. There are others that don’t and if you cross them, you may be judged. Be open about it with potential matches and feel it out ahead of time. If you want to lose weight for yourself or health reasons, there’s nothing wrong with that. Just don’t do it for anyone else.
I’m the end, you have to be happy and don’t let someone else bring you down. Find someone that will appreciate you for you.
Judging people based on how they look is an important part of the dating process. Not only is physical attraction determined primarily based on looks, but how a person looks can reveal information about their health, financial situation, lifestyle, etc.
Just wondering are you posting recent photos and not hiding anything?
Umm that whole “don’t judge a book by its cover” “it’s not about what’s on the inside it’s what’s on the outside” bs is just that……..bs lol. It’s just people lying so others don’t feel bad about their physical appearance but the fact of the matter is Physical attraction is literally the first step, if you can’t break past that point nobody is interested in the rest at all.
So to answer your question: Nothing happened, that was never a real thing to begin with, just people lying to make others feel better about not being physically attractive.
Now if you’re looking for friends it’s different but romantically and sexually, if you aren’t attractive to them, they couldnt give two fucks about your personality
Then they are not the guys for you. It matters what is within, the heart and soul. Dm me anytime. People are so judgemental nowadays its crazy. They are mean and selfish..can chat more if you want to
I don’t know if you want to do this but can you send a picture to see what you are talking about.
Sorry that happened to you. Some people are just asshats
But you put the first “nice guy” on the spot and asked him directly? It’s not fair to get upset with him for responding especially when instead of saying he didn’t want to see you or being insulting he tried to suggest you guys do a healthy activity together.
The second guy was pretty rude. I’m sorry he said that so coldly.
What stands out to me about this post is that for both of these men, you seemed to have already “known” what they were going to say, and still let it make you self-conscious. If you are self-conscious it’s not other people’s responsibility to accommodate you emotionally. You can either decide that you love yourself and your curves and rock them, or you can decide to change what it is you don’t like. But you can’t change other people’s preferences or words.
And yes, we don’t need to judge people by outer looks alone, but your in a dating environment where sexual attraction matters for both parties. I’m sure you have preferences in a partner as well, and that doesn’t make you bad anymore than it does the men you’re seeing.
(Btw I was once almost 300 pounds. I know how bad situations like that hurt. It was a really bad place in my life.)
As an overweight dude I can tell you the whole “do not judge a book by its cover” is absolute bs, it was never a thing. Some people still live by it, but if they’re not attracted to you, what else can you do?
On the flip side, what’s the point of them matching you if that’s how they gonna treat you? It’s horrible.
People are attracted to whom they’re attracted to. And the reasons can vary wildly among people. Like one time I heard the freaking eyebrows did it for a woman from some dude, literally the most random feature you can pick.
You only have a certain degree of control over how others perceive you, which all boil down to a combination of physical fitness (unfortunately for us both) and confidence. Lacking the former… Work on your confidence.
I know. Easier said than done, and I’m there too. And even if you had both down, people can STILL not be attracted to you for the most random reasons. So on that end, working on your self esteem is going to do the trick.
And do therapy. Please. It’s necessary.
Fortunately for you,weight is something that can be worked on
Not to sound rude, but do you zoom in on your pictures where you just see your face or is it full body? We all have types, people are into certain looks. I’m a beefy muscular guy but I’ve been told that I was Intimidating because of my muscles. People have physical connections of how one looks. I’m a sucker for shorter girls with ink, that makes a better physical connection for me. We all have our shallowness in us and some of it has to do with looks.
I’ve come across on dating sites where it’s zoomed in on said persons face and you can’t see anything else. I’m sure there’s guys out there that do the same or just have pictures in hats to hide their baldness. You’ll find someone who will like you, just let it come to you versus seeking it.
Fuck all them. There are a million dudes out there that think big curvy girls are hot AF. Trust me, you’re better off!
Don’t lesson to people
There’s nothing wrong with being a big girl. Beautiful and attractive people come in all sizes.
But acting like looks isn’t a factor is kinda delusional. Besides, people are allowed to have physical preferences.
Knowing what I know about how men operate on dating apps- which is swipe right on as much women as they can, being matched with a dude doesn’t mean he’s actually into you. I never take it personal.
The second dude was not expecting a big girl but he was nasty and rude about it.
That being said, making yourself look good- as in grooming and hygiene- putting your best foot forward is important. You saying “I thought the insides matter” kinda tells me that YOU’RE not proud of your looks. YOU have to be proud of yourself- no matter what size. Energy is very persuasive and if you’re giving insecure energy and “but what about my personality” thing will turn people off. NO matter what you look like.
I’m pretty sure you have a physical preference too.
Physical attraction is based on the outside, by definition.
And people that throw around the word “curves” are generally the overweight ones.
Dating as a fat girl, I’ve always put my weight in my profile, that way there’s no surprise.
There’s nothing wrong with preferences and those were their preferences. It has nothing to do with you. & there’s nothing wrong with you. You’ll find someone who will appreciate all of you.
What’s happened is you’re dating assholes. Who on earth would ever comment on someone’s weight to their face on the first time meeting. That’s, like, shockingly bizarre. As long as you’re posting accurate pics of yourself be rest assured it’s not you, it’s them, and they’re assholes and you can and will find better because wtf🤦♀️who raised these little boys
They both sound rude
Fuck everyone. We’re all gonna get old fat and wrinkly anyway so if they don’t get to know you they’re not worth your time. I don’t even waste my team worried about how anyone looks. Personality is the big one that matters.
I hit on a girl I used to work with 20 years ago. She was so young and beautiful. She wouldn’t give me the time of day.
A month ago she approached me and gave me a big hug and said she has been thinking about me all the time and really misses me. She could probably tell from the look on my face I was confused, She said don’t you remember me? Do you recognize me?
She was much larger than she was before and her face wasn’t cute anymore.
Basically she was a different person than the one I originally fell for. I had to pass..
Sadly people are always going to judge appearances first. As long as you’re comfortable in your body that’s all that matters, then it’s just a waiting game to find the right person.
A few question here for you:
1. Are you actually fat as in obese? I don’t know what curvy actually means. I do appreciate curves, but it is all about proportion and cannot express an opinion on you without more information or pictures.
2. Do you like yourself as you are right now? If you do, stop worrying. If you don’t, take action.
3. It is their right to want what they want and they judge you according to that.
4. The inside matters a lot, but it is not separated from the outside. They are not contradictory, they are inter-connected. Dd
Lose weight
Why did you ask the first guy about your weight if you’re not ok with the answer?
Also “don’t judge a book by the cover” is and always was Bs. I’m betting you don’t approach or swipe right on guys you don’t find attractive?
Curvy and fat are not the same
Why are you so pissed about self identifying as fat but other people acknowledging your statement? I’m not a huge fan of blonde guys, I typically date brunettes. That doesn’t mean either party is a Garbage human but we just move on to people that find us attractive.
Unless you utterly don’t care if a man is short, bald, grossly obese and hideous looking, please descend from your lofty perch and acknowledge that even you judge people on their looks.
Why dont you lose some weight? For people to be this shocked at your weight its got to be severe