For context, I used to use sex with a cheating ex bf as a form of self harm and it took therapy and years of going on wholesome dates with people to get comfortable with saying no. I dread this turning into another fwb situation because we had sex on our first date. It was against all my best interest, we were intoxicated. And in the last week I’ve been really proud of myself for telling him no.
I even told him the anxiety the sex caused made me unable to eat anything for a few days. I understand that I’m in a difficult time frame in my life, I’m about to move out of town for summer while school’s out but I do like the intimacy, that he pays for every outing, and the sex was good. But I’m so torn over my own inability to be realistic. And we’re even exclusive, just without the life long commitment. Which I feel is more than I could ask for but I do have a really naive wish to find one one who cherishes me. I honestly wouldn’t even say that I could see a life with this man so do I just say “f it” and prolong it for the next two months I’m in town just for the companionship?
2 comments
Give him 20$
Are you going to continue the relationship after the move? It sounds like you may not, so I see three options to pick from.
First, end it now and have some time during the move to let go of this guy and prepare for finding someone closer to your new residence. I support this one the most because it sounds like you want marriage sooner than he does. It’s not fair to you to stay in a relationship that doesn’t meet your needs. Work out for yourself what you want in a partner, home life, family, and career. Where are you flexible and where are you inflexible in reaching these goals. Talk with a friend you trust for wise counsel to make sure they are reasonable goals.
Second, be ok with a FWB relationship and end it when you move. I think this is less than optimal since you want more than a FWB situation and it will delay your emotional freedom for finding a better match.
Lastly, try and make a long-distance relationship work with this guy. Except, you want a commitment (marriage) sooner than he does and it’s not fair to make you wait for something that may not come. How long have you been going out? Have a conversation with him about life plans and goals. Maybe you two have different goals and it wouldn’t work anyway. Maybe he is on the fence because he doesn’t know how to discuss these, but wants to so he can make a decision.