I can argue with a lot of people successfully, but this particular family member I’ve sucked at arguing with (only for serious reasons).
Their style makes it difficult to come up with a retort on the spot, they ask for a bunch of examples of their poor behavior that you’ve lumped in with all of your other hazy-bad memories (while they remember things against you very well), they create rapid-fire logic that’s on the cusp of being legit, gaslight you, and sometimes you wonder if you decrease in competence for the duration of every argument with them. It feels like they are always winning the positional battle (angles and high ground).
I have other relatives who can hold their own against them because they have a good memory, and the ones that can’t always bring up how confused they get when they argue with them.
Do you know anyone like this?
3 comments
Kind of sounds to me like a particular argument style known as [Gish gallop](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gish_gallop).
I don’t have advice on-hand myself for dealing with that, but I hope it’s at least helpful to have a specific term you can Google.
Can you provide an example of how an argument could go with that person?
I understand that it can be difficult to argue with someone who has a unique and challenging style. It sounds like this family member is skilled at quickly deflecting and turning the argument to their advantage. It may be helpful for you to take a step back and consider why you are engaging in these arguments in the first place. Are they necessary? What are you hoping to achieve?
If you do need to engage in an argument, it may be helpful to come prepared with specific examples and evidence to support your claims. Additionally, try to stay calm and avoid getting defensive or emotional. Stick to the facts and maintain a clear focus on the issue at hand.
Finally, if these arguments continue to be problematic, you may want to consider seeking the help of a mediator or counselor to help facilitate a constructive conversation. And if you need extra motivation or accountability to work on this, you could also consider setting a goal on GoalBet.org to help you stick to your resolution to approach arguments in a more productive way.
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