When did you realize you needed to take a step back from dating?

9 comments

1. I’ve had three long term (2-10 year) relationships that all ended for the same reasons: the guy was 1) a lousy lay, 2) hated himself and couldn’t get anything done, and 3) took me for granted and never made me a priority.

   After I figured out that this really is a pattern for me and the guys I tend to be attracted to, I figure I need some time to be alone and figure out why, and also to become less mad so I don’t start out mad at a new guy for the failings of the previous ones.

2. After my first relationship 😅 it lasted almost three years and it was pretty traumatic. I also had a very serious accident just after breaking up and I had no time for romantic relationships at that time.

3. When I found out the guy I was casually seeing lied about being married (Ran like hell). Realized there was a pattern where I went for unavailable people without being consciously aware of it since I was also unavailable. Decided to take a step back and do some healing work instead

4. It’s exhausting. Every relationship has been 80/20 me/partner effort, from my perspective. Being single is nice for now.

5. During my online dating stint, I would have to take a step back whenever I started getting overly critical on what someone’s profile said or what their opening message was.

   That and when I start dreading going on first dates. That’s usually a sign for me that I need to take a step back and focus on something else in my life.

6. Just not that interested for some reason after seeing how much ambitions my friends have but also kind of held back by dating to spend time with their partners and they don’t end up accomplishing much. I just read, run, do puzzles, and take my dog outside these days.

7. I cringed every time someone tried interacting with me and I would get physically ill when someone would say “you’ll meet someone someday!” I haven’t actively dated since I split with my ex a year ago but I was on tinder, thinking I was ready. I was not lol

8. I reached out to an ex once, to have a casual fling / vacation together as friends. I had such low expectations yet he broke my heart in a comically unexpected way. This was also after a series of annoying dating experiences. I chose being peaceful over excitement, seeking potential love or sex. I had decided dating wasn’t worth it *for me*. That feeling lasted for years. (And I really was very peaceful!)

9. I reckon when I really needed to do it, I wouldn’t have been able to. I was in a process from my marriage ending, rediscovering my worth and not feeling invisible for the first time in a long time, and also grappling with how lonely it all was. I think I just needed to make all those mistakes. Eventually I had a run of bad dates and realised it felt like a chore. I craved my own space and wanted to protect it, so I did. I enjoyed that for many months before dipping a toe again and that’s where I am now. Dating is a small detail of my life now and it’ll grow slowly if the right guy comes along.