So, around two years ago I met a girl. We talked pretty often until 6 months ago. 6 months ago, my actual gf thought I was flirting with her and we got into a big fight.
After that fight, I thought about the relationship I had with that girl: She is super fun, very chill, we share lots of hobbies and have the same sense of humor. After thinking for a while I realized that I was lying to myself for quite some time: I was feeling attracted to her, not only in a sexual way.
I love my gf so I decided to distance myself a lot from that girl. I never really gave her any explanation. I only told her that my gf didn’t like the relationship we had (can’t blame my gf tbh) and I should better unfollow her.
Now, I feel like I miss that girl. I feel like I was a complete asshole for not explaining everything to her. I want to tell her that at some point I was very attracted to her (even thought I didn’t accept it at that time). I want to tell her that she’s amazing and want to give her emotional support in everything she needs (her life is pretty complicated tbh).
I feel like she deserves a very long explanation for my behavior. But I am afraid of her reaction and I am also afraid that she wants to keep talking as we used to do (this will surely confuse me and make my actual relationship harder for me) .
A rational part of me wants to forgive her and go on with my life, since this won’t complicate my life. But another part of me wants to send her a very long message explaining everything.
TL;DR: I broke contact with a girl I was very close with because of a fight with my gf and now I realize that I had some feelings for her. I am debating about writing a long text explaining everything and how I felt for her. This can either calm my guilt or confuse me more depending on her response.