How do you deal with “could have been” relationships that never happened because the two of you had different goals to pursue?

10 comments

1. I remind myself of the reasons I chose to pursue what I wanted over the relationship. Timing plays a huge role in successful relationships so if the timing wasn’t right then it’s not for me to control. If you struggle with what could’ve been and the person you’re thinking of is also still single, I’d reach out to see if the timing and priorities have shifted a bit to allow more space for a new relationship. If you’ve grown into two very different people or are still on two very different paths then I think that’s the answer. It wasn’t meant to be.

2. Daydream about it first to get over the infatuation I imagine the good scenarios first then bad ones to try and make the daydreaming stop. Then ultimately I tell myself if it was meant to be it’ll be. Maybe there’s a butterfly effect. If we did end up together it could’ve ended in a tragedy or not

3. See them as beautiful connections I save in a special part of my heart.

4. I think learn to find peace with the fact that at the time, with the information that you had at the time, the goals the two of you had at the time and the compromises that were/were not possible… it was just not meant to be. A lot has to line up for two people to end up together I think and dwelling on the past is not helpful. The only exception is if the two of you now have goals that are more aligned and you are BOTH willing to try to make it work.

5. Honestly, I haven’t had many positive relationships. There’s one “could have been” that didn’t work out for various reasons but I really cherish those memories and love that person from afar and I just really want the best for them, and I know they do for me as well, even though we haven’t talking in a few years. It’s actually something that gives me hope that I’ll find a great relationship when I’m ready.

6. honestly, these are the ones i struggle with the most. currently, i’ve had some infatuation ongoing for like two years and no matter what i do or who i get with, it won’t go away. so i just wait it out and hope for the best, i suppose?

7. Just bury them deep down and reach out for the memories once in a while. The thoughts of ‘what ifs’ never really leave you, do they?

8. I realize I’ve gone through too much and worked too hard to throw it all away for someone who is most likely temporary and probably won’t mean that much to me in the next 5 years. After years of going after potential with people I realized there’s probably a very good reason why the universe didn’t want us together. More than likely we both deserved better, even if we can’t see it in the present

9. There are so many things in life that ‘could have been’ and I cannot make myself dwell on this. I prefer to think that I am heading in the right direction and towards the relationship that is meant to be.

10. Probably move on. You get older and realize you can meet a great person at any time. If that wasn’t the right one, another is on the way.