How do you support a close friend if you know they’re making a mistake?

14 comments

1. Sometimes people need to learn their mistakes because in life lessons are to be learned. I support from friends from a distance if I feel they’re making a mistake.

2. Tell them you think it’s a mistake and why, and then let them make their own choices and just be their friend. Check up on them, hang out like you normally do etc so that if things go badly they know you’re there to talk.

3. I learned the hard way that you should support from afar and let them learn the hard way. Sounds brutal but hear me out. I had a best friend for over a decade, like a sister. One conversation ruined it. She called me to complain as she often did about her boyfriend, I gave advice and she agreed. They ended up getting back together and suddenly I was the “unsupportive, toxic friend” so I got dumped. Fast forward to many years later we eventually semi made up, but it’s never been the same. I do miss our friendship terribly, but I learned a hard lesson myself and that is people will only do what they want to do. They will ask for help, guidance, etc. but if it isn’t in their headspace, they aren’t going to follow anything you say or suggest. So I’ve literally never given advice since. I just listen and let friends vent and that is it. I give no opinions. Most of the time, people could have missed hurt if they would have listened to stuff I said, but hey it is what it is. Oh and my friend, dude dumped her a year after that convo her and I had. Best of luck to you!

4. You don’t always have to support their decision…

   People make mistakes.

5. I was recently the friend who made the mistakes. I was dating a guy who was more trouble than anything else. I would complain and ask for advice alot from a friend but when it was time to follow the advice I would find an excuse in something he said or a certain circumstance. She got really tired of hearing about it all and keep supporting me after many months. She then told me off that she could not keep listening to all of it especially since I just kept going back and not listening to her advice I asked for.

   It was really a wake up call that I was taking advantage of her and wasting her time complaining about my issues. I apologized and respected that she did not want to hear about it anymore.

   So my advice here would be to put up boundaries about how much you can be there for your friend and be aware that they might not be in a place where they can follow your advice just yet. Don’t let yourself get burned out supporting someone. Im very glad that my friend told me off before she got so tired of me that she didnt want to be my friend at all anymore.

6. I talk to them about my concerns and see if they have considered those concerns. If they have, then it’s their choice to move forward. I tell them that I am always there for them if anything goes wrong, regardless of the concerns I voiced.

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8. Unless asked directly for my opinion, I let them make mistakes. I stick around and then am there to listen when it goes bad. Unless the mistake is cigarettes then I’m going to tell them a graphic story about my dad, but just one time because I love them.

9. I make sure as they proceed there is no time when their life or body will be put into danger. Life is full of moments you can learn from but that doesn’t mean you need to shed blood at all. Also, just because the activity they are looking to engage in seems dangerous or the wrong path doesn’t mean it will be so for them.

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11. I’m pretty live and let live. I’m also super headstrong and I’m not the type to learn from other people’s mistakes and advice. I have to figure it out myself. So I just assume everyone else is like that too. I will provide support and I will try to build my friends up so that they know they’re worthy of anything they want in life. But I don’t give advice (unless specifically requested) and I don’t criticize anyone’s life choices. I just provide love, sometimes from a distance if the situation requires it, and hope they find their own way.

12. I wouldn’t tell them more than once that they’re making a mistake. If people want to do things, they’re going to do it anyway and no amount of warning is going to make it stop. Maybe just give neutral answers or sometimes tell them what they want to hear. I’m sure they know it’s a mistake too, it’s just easier to not accept it and leave things as it is

13. I’d say “I love you and I’m here for you whenever you need me. And because I love you and care for you I can’t, with a clear conscience, support you with what I believe is harming you, I’m sorry”

    Or something like that, it really does depend on what the situation it though. Like are we talking them drunk messaging someone? Or them having a substance abuse problem?

    For one, I’d try to talk them out of it or I’d try to confiscate their phone for a couple minutes. If I fail, oh well 🤷🏻‍♀️

    For the other, I can only hope that they listen to me. But unfortunately you can’t help anyone that doesn’t want help. You can just be there for them if/or when they do reach out.

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