He is a nice guy. During a conversation with other people, I told him his sister is hot. I had no intentions to offend him; I am simply complementing him and his sister. But it suddenly got awkward. I had no intentions of insulting him, and in the context of the conversation, I was not hitting on his sister, simply stating that she looks good and is nice. He was laughing, but he was definitely mad; he just didn’t want to show it. And it even got to the point where someone said jokingly, “This friend circle might end suddenly.” I don’t know how complementing his sister got us to that point.
I have always been the awkward type. I always thought people followed socializing laws that were innate to them but not to me. So I always made mistakes when socializing with people because I had no clue how anything worked. And I am not sure if saying someone’s sister is hot is offensive. I don’t have a sister, so I have no clue.
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If you had no intention, you’ve could simply say she’s good looking or even she’s beautiful. I know they’re a bit different with ‘hot’, but they’re much nicer words.
Basically, commenting about friends family is required a lot of caution. It can be misunderstand very easily.
Yeah he thinks you wanna fuck her. Your other friends think so too
Yes
Plus what’s the point in saying it, unless you think he’s somehow going to communicate that to her and set up a date.
There’s just nothing to be gained, since it’s more a statement of interest than a compliment. (regardless of how you intended it)
I don’t think it’s a HUGE deal, either. Just something to keep in mind going forward.
Maybe not always offensive, but yes… definitely very awkward/uncomfortable.
Do you have siblings? Imagine yourself in his shoes. For one, nobody wants to think about their siblings being “hot”. Secondarily, it brings the conversation to a halt. Like, what are they gonna do, agree with you? “Go for it bro!”. No.
Yes.
Yes, telling a guy his sister is hot is offensive. You wouldn’t have necessarily have known this because you don’t have a sister yourself, but now you know so don’t do it again.
A lot of guys who grew up with sisters feel protective of their sisters because they’ve seen first hand how guys can be to girls & women first hand. Some guys are perceptive enough that they get it from a woman’s perspective because of that experience.
The “Bro Code” is that sisters (& other female relatives) are off limits. You don’t look at your buddies’ sisters, you don’t hit on your buddies’ sisters and you most certainly don’t comment on your buddies’ sisters (even if you meant it as a compliment). The same goes for their mothers or any other female relatives.
You didn’t use a term to compliment her beauty, grace or anything of the nature. You used a crass term meant to indicate her f*ckability (she’s hot) – to HER BROTHER. You’re lucky you didn’t get punched.
It’s also worth examining how on earth you thought your comment was a *compliment* to your buddy. Why would her beauty or hotness be a compliment to him?
Yep, there’s a Big Bang Theory episode about this very topic. You might be able to find a clip of it somewhere.
In summary, people are protective of their family members. Telling someone that you find their family members attractive makes them defensive because they don’t want them to get hurt. Telling them that you find them attractive in a crass way by using the term “hot” instead of “cute” or “pretty” makes it even worse because it makes you sound less well intentioned.
Best policy is to avoid ANY comments about someone else’s body or appearance.
I think it also depends on how your friends see you. If they see you as a type of guy to just want to have sex with every woman and not really treat them with respect and look for marriage, then yeah complementing somebody’s sister is kind of out of bounds. Also, using the word hot to describe someone’s sister was the wrong choice of word.
> I am simply complementing him and his sister.
You didn’t compliment *him* at all. His sister being pretty has absolutely nothing to do with him. And yes, you shouldn’t be commenting on how “hot” someone’s siblings are. The word hot has sexual undertones and that can make things awkward. You could have just said “pretty” instead.
I think it’s really funny to tell my male friends their mom is hot. I’m always looking to see if they give Freud vibes after I say it
Let’s face it, your buddy is a dude. He knows what goes on in a guy’s head when he thinks a girl is hot. He thinks you wanna fuck her and that you fantasize about her. Can’t you see how awkward it is for him to know that his friend thinks about his sister like that? It’s definitely worse if she is the youngest sibling.
I wouldn’t apologize if I were you because it could bring more attention to that, and he might think you’re really into her if you’re still thinking about it. Just be cool, and if that topic comes up, don’t be weird about it. Just act casually, and if they ask, just say you think she is good-looking, but that’s it.
You were probably not the first person to have said as much. Clearly it is a source of upset. If you want to make things cool just say that you’re sorry. That you meant nothing by it that you won’t do it again and leave it at that. don’t try and justify or explain yourself or make him not upset.
Yep, super inappropriate and normally when men tell other men they think a female is hot it’s not because they just wanna compliment her for her beauty.
Saying someone is “hot” is different from saying they look nice, and it absolutely implies you’re gonna try and bang her which is a weird thing to announce to a group of friends (and generally fraternising with friends’ siblings is considered a bad move if it’s not been talked out, it can lead to some messy situations – I get that wasn’t what you meant, but it will have come across that way)
I’ve had friends say similar about my siblings and it’s always a weird situation, it’s impossible to know what to say in response (like, you can’t agree and you can’t disagree, lol) and it’s information that’s of no use to you, it’s something someone only says for their own benefit, you know? It’s not necessarily offensive, but there’s an appropriate time, place and way to say something like this and just announcing she’s hot was not it lmao.
Also how on earth is saying his sister is attractive complimenting *him* lmao? If you were saying they both had good genes then maybe, but whether she’s pretty or not really doesn’t have any bearing on him and isn’t a compliment toward him in any non-weird way.
don’t use the word hot, in general only say pretty. don’t even say gorgeous or beautiful
What purpose does saying his sister is hot serve? Like what are you gaining by telling her brother that?
Ooof don’t ever say someone is “hot” unless it’s meant to be sexual. I don’t think he appreciated you sexualizing his sister. Maybe go for “good looking” or “pretty” those are safe and a nice non sexual comment that would not make someone uncomfortable.
How is it a compliment to him that his sister is hot?
And most people like compliments that have more substance to them than, basically, you’re nice to look at.
It’s definitely a weird thing to say out of nowhere, and it could have offended him, he doesn’t sound happy about it.
What was the response you were hoping or expecting?
That’s weird you basically sexualised his sister you could’ve said she’s pretty or gorgeous that’s just uncomfortable lol
Its weird thing but guys see it as a weird disrespect when they think their friends are trying to fuck their sister. Im not saying you are. Its similar to if someone came to you and said your mom is hot. To you thats your mom not a sexual person. And seeing your mom/daughter/sister getting sexualized by your friends is a bit weird. Some people get offended which i think is dumb.
I don’t know man If I had a friend with a hot sister he would never hear the end of it from me, some people are just too (proper?) I guess
“Hot” implies sexual attraction. Referencing her “beauty” is always more socially acceptable than hot.
You learnt now what not to say about a friends sister. Apologise and move on.
Yeah, it can be a bit of a touchy subject for some guys when you mention their sister being hot. Even if you didn’t mean any harm, it can make them feel uncomfortable or even protective. In the future, it’s probably best to avoid making comments like that about someone’s family member, just to keep things cool and avoid any awkward situations. We all learn from our social slip-ups, so don’t stress too much about it!
Bruh you’re weird af