I (19F) keep having issues with my boyfriend (25M) regarding his birthday

# Hi! I’m going to break this up into sections because it is really long (I want to explain the whole situation as clearly as possible!):

\- Original Plan

A few weeks before my boyfriends 25th birthday, I asked him what he wanted to do to celebrate. He excitedly told me he was going to go to an upscale restaurant with his friend, who we’ll call James (that’s not his real name), and then go clubbing after.

I looked up the club, and upon seeing it wasn’t an 18+ plus club, I came to him confused as I realized I wasn’t involved in his plans. “I’m turning 25 and James is 22, so that doesn’t matter.” When I shared with him that I thought that I would be involved somehow, especially since it’s almost a year we’re together, he told me that he would pick me up AFTER they went clubbing and take me home with him.

I couldn’t help but feel that he just wanted me there so he could get laid, which disappointed me because we’ve talked out both issues before (about him prioritizing James, and about feeling like I’m being used for s3x), and I thought we came to an agreement. He ended up changing the plans so I would be involved, but everything didn’t go as I planned it would.

\- Changed Plan

So the changed plan was that I would go to him Friday night, on his actual birthday, and eat dinner with him and his family. Then, on Saturday we’d go to the beach with his friend James and chill there the whole day. Honestly, the Friday plans were perfect for me, and something along the lines of what I thought we’d do anyways, but the Saturday plans threw me off.

The first thing I asked him was “Does that mean we’d take James’ car?” which he said yes to. I recently set a boundary with him, telling him I don’t feel comfortable going anywhere in James car, since I get carsick AND they put me in the backseat of an open convertible, so I can’t hear/do anything while I’m back there to distract myself from my carsickness.

I shared with him that I’ve been having trouble with my anxiety lately (because I’m in college dealing with finals right now), and while I understand that it’s his birthday and we should do what he wants, I’m not willing to go into James’ car, since it’s a known trigger of mine, and I will probably have a panic attack, as I did last time.

He then responded by saying that it’s HIS weekend, and we’re going to do whatever he wants, and even if that makes me anxious or have a panic attack, he’s not going to help me at all because he “shouldn’t have to deal with that on his birthday.” He told me that if I had any issues with that, that I could just not go and let him enjoy his birthday the way he wants to enjoy it. He expressed that he wanted me there, but not to deal with my anxiety, which if fair, but I cannot control it.

\- What actually happened

Ultimately, I decided not to go, since I didn’t wanna “ruin his day” with my problems. He went out to eat with his parents, went clubbing with James on Friday. Now, on Saturday, he went to the beach with James, who took him to an upscale restaurant as well.

He called me this morning to tell me about how much fun he had clubbing (he didn’t get home until 4:30AM), but I can’t help but feel salty because he doesn’t let me go clubbing without him normally. When I mentioned this, along with a question to confirm there was no girls involved (since we’ve had issues with emotional cheating on his end already), he just responded by saying that even if he wanted to he “couldn’t get any because James is the biggest cock block anyways.”

I told him that response made it seem as if he DID or TRIED to flirt/hook up with other girls, but he just got defensive and told me that he only has eyes for me and that he loves me, so I dropped it as to not “ruin his weekend.”

I didn’t get the scoop on today, Saturday, since he’s still out, but if anything happens I guess I’ll just update this post.

\- Birthday Gift

When it comes to the gift, I kept nagging him to tell me what he wants, as I refuse to buy something he didn’t explicitly say he wants because I learned during Christmas time that he’s very picky. For Christmas, I got him a bunch of little gifts that added up to a lot of money, but he doesn’t even use half of them, so I don’t want to do that again.

At first, he just told me he wants a good bj and s3x, but I insisted to get him more than that because I can (and already) do that for him almost anytime he wants. I told him that it can’t be too expensive though, which is where the argument starts because he’s older and has more money than me.

He told me he wanted a Versace necklace, which I cannot afford. I told him I can’t afford it, since the cheapest one is a little over $300, and he just replied by saying that $300 is nothing “in the real world” and I need to grow up and learn the concept of money. I’m a college student who isn’t working right now, and even when I did work over the summer, $300 is still a lot of money for me. He keeps arguing with me saying I should buy this for him because he bought me a Kate Spade purse for our 3-months, and I only wrote him a letter.

After some convincing, he told me he wanted these event tickets for him and James (it’s 21+ so I can’t go), and they’re $22 each which means it wouldn’t be too bad for me! I agreed, but he told me to wait to confirm he actually wants to go, which I did, but on the phone this morning he told me he bought the tickets himself already. I expressed my confusion, since I thought I was buying them as a birthday gift, but he said that he wants me to buy him different tickets instead that are almost $100 each, and again, to a 21+ event I can’t attend.

I told him I can’t do that, as that’s a huge price difference I can’t make up for, and since I was upset, I basically told him that I shouldn’t even get him anything at all since I can’t get anything as expensive as he expects. We both got pretty upset over the whole ordeal, but I just wish he understood I do not have any money, as even the $22 gift would put me in the negatives, nor do I come from a privileged family like he does so I can’t just ask my parents to cover it for me.

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I can’t help but feel stressed over basically every aspect of the last two days. I try to communicate my feelings as much as I can, but he always addresses it like it’s an argument and shuts me down. Any advice?

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TL/DR: My boyfriend didn’t include me in his original birthday plan, basically convinced me not to go to his new plan with me, and now expects an expensive gift that I cannot afford.